Never feel heard or understood by therapists and they never explain their work

I'm trying counselling again after many years. But it's the same old. I tried out two others before this woman, and it's always the same thing. They don't seem to understand what I've said. They don't seem to have any empathy. They seem to be asking rote questions and giving rote suggestions.


In fact, it's just like dealing with people in general in the world. I can't relate to people, generally, and these therapists are just like everyone else.

I had a rare experience once where the guy had deep empathy and understood myself better than I do. That's what I'm looking for - an outside perspective that helps me, gives me understanding, empathy, and insight.


But.. no... it just doesn't happen. She has 30 clients a week and I had to hammer her with repeated questions to get her to admit it.

I'm quite PO'd and the best I could say is she would be a good opportunity to practice thnking and feeling while angry without losing my cool.

Seems there's no hope for me with therapists, just like there's no hope for me in this world, overall.


I asked her on day one to explain how therapy will work for me. She said she needs some info from me first. Four hours later, four sessions, lots of info... nada. If I were paying for this myself, it never would have happened, because this should have been explained in the 20-minute get to know you session. Thinking I should cancel and go no further with this woman. I have 16 sessions left I could try with someone else.

Perhaps you’d do better with a male? If you had successful experience with a male in the past maybe you should try that again.

I never had any luck with them either - and the lack of explanation despite my clear questions was quite galling

If you're not feeling helped by this T, don't waste anymore sessions on her. Therapists should be able to describe their own modalities in the first session. Sure, every client should be treated as an individual, but the general idea of the type of therapy they offer should be disclosed up front.

Yes it's frustrating in the beginning... How did it work? My T in the begining would just smile... I guess only time gives us an insight into whether we feel different... Whether we feel it's worth continuing for us... I felt it was worth continuing.. I'd never been seen before and I felt seen... That alone kept be going... For 20yrs infact... Ask me now how did it work... It worked on a human to human level... It's be liked being asked how does motherhood work... Some things are better less said and experienced instead.

I did not hire one to be seen. I hired them to explain how it worked so I could do it and get away from them. I never felt seen or heard but that did not bother me all that much - I did not hire them for that. I am more baffled that others do.

Be baffled 😂

I don't need your permission. I'm not trying to stop anybody from doing what they want do with it -I just don't understand and it would not have been useful for me. There's a little reason for us to continue to engage.

Unyet here you are..

I find it weird that even after you asked her, she couldn’t explain what she plans on doing. How frustrating

What if you directly state that you want outside perspective and want someone to listen to you etc do you think she’d reply to that? The thing is everyone is different with what they want from therapy so if that’s what you want, they should either provide or recommend a different therapist? You’d think, right?

What if you tell her that you have difficulty connecting to people and you’d like to be better at it, is there anything she can do to help you? Work on strategies, role playing or just emphasize with you?

And I agree with Nammu, maybe try a male therapist if that worked before?

The first therapy session should include a discussion of goals and how a treatment plan can get you there.