Therapists having seen and heard it all

The idea of therapists with even a moderate amount of experience having "seen and heard it all" has come up in a couple of threads recently. My T has said it to me at least once as a way of encouraging me to share something that I thought might be uncomfortable or shocking. Now I'm wondering how true this is. Have you ever shared something that your T admitted they hadn't seen or heard before? Or have you suspected that something you shared stumped or surprised them, even if they wouldn't admit it to you?

I bet P thought she'd seen it all prior to meeting me, and hearing of my experience. Thankfully, R is not that naive. It was quite clear to me that P was stumped from our second session onwards, but I thought it would improve. It has now, but not with her...

The first one said she had not had a client like me before. But she lied about all sorts of things - that was probably just another lie. I think those people like to think they are unflappable or have heard it all - but there was a first time they heard anything - so I think a client should take such a self aggrandizing claim from a therapist with a grain or two of salt.

Interesting question! This has kinda come up. As I’ve talked about on here before, the focus in my therapy is finally processing my childhood abuse. I was telling a story once of being whipped and my mom taking stuff away she had just bought me. Because I’m an only child and I’ve never wanted to talk to anyone about what happened, me finally telling these stories is the first time I’ve ever asked someone to (to use an Alice Miller term) be a “helping witness”, to validate that it was wrong. And my therapist became speechless after letting that sink in after a few sessions—he said he had studied the concept before, but never so profoundly had understood until now what that meant to not have validation, to have no one to have that shared experience with. With no siblings and parents who refuse to admit anything bad ever happened, I really have been alone with these stories until now. It means a lot to me that my therapist contines to offer that validation. I was touched that my perspective taught him something. (I like to believe it continues to teach him something )

This is kinda related, but I’ve also been impressed at my therapist’s poker face and non reactiveness to even kinda shocking info, which leads me to believe even if he hasn’t heard it all, he knows how to act the part when needed. He didn’t blink an eye when I explained my mother sleeping with her first cousin and the possible child that the cousin fathered (long story and reason 67,456 I’m in therapy, sigh.)

Hmm... it's not something I'd like to hear from a therapist either way I don't think (and so far I haven't). I'm not interested in whether they've had clients with my issues before, I'd rather be treated as an individual regardless. I don't want to be made to feel that I'm a freak, nor do I want to hear that my s**t is just the same s**t as everyone else (though I'm sure much of it is).

Perhaps there is also a part of me that wants to be different, that wants to shock them. That wants to be special...

In fact, definitely there is a part of me like that.

Oh, that's an interesting way of looking at it. I didn't take it to mean that me or my story is like anybody else but that the things I am ashamed of about myself are not so weird or upsetting that they are outside the human experience. I think I have also decided that I am probably special to my T, so maybe I feel more secure about her saying that she's "heard it all" than I would otherwise. (Not special in a boundary-crossing way, but special in a valued, understood way.)

I do know that there is at least one thing I'm going through that she hasn't dealt with before (because I asked her), but I feel confident that she has enough training and life experience to help (like, training with a certain thing, life experience with another thing, cobble that together with a little empathy and good listening skills and we will be fine). And like MrsDuckL said, I like the idea that she will be able to use the things that she learns from me with future clients, even though that is merely a byproduct and not the goal of the work we're doing.

I've had several Ts they all had experience with the issues but my story that I only told three of them and it did shock them. Thankfully I've worked it though and no longer need to divulge my story. I've made peace with the past thanks to those three Ts and their expertise even if my story was shocking.

Yeah, I definitely understand that. It is a sort of reassurance that I have often wanted too. I'm very ambivalent on the whole matter really - wanting to be special and different and yet also worrying that I'm so weird I don't even belong on this planet.

I suppose I would rather my T helped me to feel that my experiences/thoughts/personality aren't freakishly weird simply by creating an accepting atmosphere and not reacting with shock or confusion to what I share... rather than claiming to have 'heard it all'. I can actually picture that backfiring and making me think "oh, they think they've heard it all, that means this is going to be even more shocking to them then..."

Never asked him and I can't recall if he's mentioned it.

The ones who truly see it all, I would guess, have worked in a variety of settings (e.g, inpatient, outpatient, palliative care, rehab), with a variety of client populations (e.g., psychosis, anxiety, insurance paying, cash paying), and a variety of organizations (e.g., private, public).

They would also have a number of years experience. You couldn't have seen it all if you've only been practicing for 2 years or only saw those who could afford to pay high cash rates, right?

DBC told me that every time she starts thinking she's heard it all, someone shows up with something completely new. (I was one of them. I think in my case it was more a combination of stories than just one thing.)

And yes, I've had the "unique client" comment too (which I doubt). I like to think it's because of my charming personality and winning ways.

As teacher who uses that phrase from time to time, it doesn't mean I've literally seen every scenario that will show up, but it does mean that I've seen and experienced enough variety that I don't get particularly surprised by much anymore. What that translates to in my classroom is that I can think on my feet. I can use my past experiences to help me make better decisions and judgments about how I handle whatever new scenarios come my way. I don't get thrown easily by the constant surprises that are apt to come up on a daily basis in my classroom. I suspect a therapist uses the phrase similarly.

For me -the woman’s statement - had nothing to do with my garden-variety reason for hiring the woman in the first place. AcCording to her it was more because I didn’t love her enough (at all), had no faith that she will be able to help (which she she didn’t), and did not just roll over and submit

My therapist has said that after x years of practice, there's not a whole lot she hasn't heard in her office. I took it as similar to stopdog's post above, that there isn't a whole lot that would surprise her after hearing so many stories, and she can handle whatever I have to say.

Yes, my T said she was unfamiliar with my sexuality (Stone Butch). She also was not that familiar with working with trans topics from a first hand perspective. She had been practicing only a little over a year when I started seeing her.

Mine has never said that, he has said "its ok to surprise me even, I can handle it"

I don't think my life itself is shocking, but he was kinda surprised by one of my life long phobias, he was quiet for a second and repeated it and was like "I've never heard of that one but Its workable"

My T has heard of my secret before, but I'm her only client that's admitted to it. I think it's fairly rare especially here where I am.

My T has never said that as she's fairly new to the field (3 years after her doctorate) though she calls herself "experienced" on LinkedIn. She's also told me I did make her "uncomfortable" as apparently it's "rare" for a client to express the loving transference feelings I told her I had.

This I'm sure my **** is boring and he has heard a million times before, which makes me feel guilty.

He actually said I'm a freak lol. He also used to say I'm unique. He said I'm "the best client" once. But he said it laughing, so I'm not sure what did he mean.

I'm sure my T has seen "my" story before. I can't remember if she's said she's seen everything but she has mentioned it's very hard to shock her. I doubt that's actually true, but she had a fantastic poker face.

It bothers me less because of what she does and how long she's been doing it. She has seen a ton and she's great on her feet.

I would probably not appreciate that implication if she were new to the field.

My t has been practicing almost 30 years, but she has never said she's heard it all. In fact, I know I brought a couple of issues into therapy that she did not have enough training or understanding about because she has told me more than once that she's learned things from me.

Having said that, though, she has often told me that certain things I struggle with...such as intense emotions and high sensitivity...are not crazy, weird, or over the top, even though it sometimes feels like it to me. She tries to normalize some of the things about me that I feel such shame about, letting me know that there are others who feel the same way I do.

Therapists have seen and heard it all. Right. I don't believe that. Everything has to be the T's first time. Maybe it's with you.
Currrent T's has seen/heard a lot. She told me she has worked in a closed psych ward or something. There were probably worse cases than she sees at this practise.
I think/suspected that my PrevT hasn't seen/heard lot. When I started seeing her, she had only been a T for a year maybe. And how she dealt with my suicide thoughts made me think she didn't had much experience with clients with such thoughts. And I also don't think she has had a client that had become so attached to her. I've never asked her about it and she never said anything about her experiences with it, so it are just suspections based on what I've seen/heard from her.

I know my T1 was unsure of how to handle something with me, even though she'd been seeing clients for about 40 years. When I told her about my transference for my marriage counselor, she wasn't sure how I should address it with him and said she wanted to consult (anonymously) with a couple other therapists (not him, obviously). That suggested to me she hadn't dealt with a client with transference for a marriage counselor before. She later said that my transference for MC "is as intense as it gets," which made it seem like she hadn't seen someone with transference of my intensity before.

She's also said other things that suggest she hasn't heard some things I've told her from other clients. Like she's saaid how it's unusual that I have OCD yet have a messy house (you'd think she'd know it could manifest itself in many different ways!) And that I'm the first person she knew to have panic attacks from exercising.

All of these things made me feel sort of like a weirdo. It felt a bit pathologizing, particularly the transference part.

MC is one who's told us (in this case when we were anxious talking about sex) how "I'm a psychologist, I've heard everything!" Which was rather comforting compared to T1's characterization of some things. Though I suspect I may be the only client who figured out that his wife was sick and, later, that she'd passed away, and he seemed unsure to handle that at times...actually saying things like, "I'm not sure how to handle this," regarding my concerns about her and wanting more info than he was willing to give (he's generally quite open about personal stuff, disclosing quite a lot). So...I guess that was an area he hadn't dealt with before maybe, but it was kind of specific and a difficult topic anyway...

T2 has been pretty normalizing--he hasn't so far said anything like "I've seen everything." But he said how transference is very common, including for marriage counselors. If anything I've told him so far has surprised or shocked him, he's done a good job of hiding it (and I've shared quite a bit in the past few months that I've been seeing him...) I appreciate that about him.

Though I will say, regarding T1, I like that when she was unsure how to handle something with me, she consulted others (and was open about doing that). If something like that comes up with T2, I'd certainly rather he consult if he's unsure instead of trying to muddle through. (Not that consulting would make them immune from screwing up, of course...)

Maybe the best thing for them to say would be something like, "I've seen a lot of things since I've been practicing, but clients do still surprise me sometimes."

I really don't see it as a comforting statement. I see it as self-aggrandizing and patronizing. But I never found anything the woman said to be comforting. Whenever she said or wrote anything, it was like putting my arm into a blender because of how obvious it was that she did not have a clue, not even a tiny rudimentary understanding, about what I was saying.

My experiences are pretty unique (medical torture - especially not to the extent it happened to me - doesn't happen a lot I think, especially not at my age), so no, I don't think so.

Well, I've also had two (experienced) physical therapists (one of them being highly experienced and educated, and regarded as an expert in her field) who had never heard of cross-dominance and insisted I had to be either left- or righthanded. (For those who don't know what it is: very short version: cross-dominance is basically writing with your left hand and using scissors with your right, or similar things. It's not the same as ambidexterity, which means you're able to write with both hands)

Just remembered.. last week on my blood work I had such a weird cell in my blood (a deformed red blood cell or something), the person working in the lab had to consult with the hematologist to find out what it was and when they faxed the blood work report to my pdoc, he also had to call the hematologist to ask what cell that was because he'd never heard of it. xD And more stuff like that. My body is.. unique.

I've had a lot of therapists and my pdoc who hadn't heard what I said before, or how my thought processes work, or what happened to me, or even what weird thing my body is doing this time (I have like three organs that work correctly.. well that's a bit of an exaggaration but you get the point.. and none of the incorrectly-working things work incorrectly in the usual way, if you get what I mean), but they've never made me feel like a freak about it. They just listen, occasionally do some research or consult with colleagues, and help to the best of their abilities.

My T makes lots of things I say sound like they are pretty normal and as if he has heard them lots of times before.

There are a few times however that I have said something and he has annoyingly either laughed or winched.

Last month I told him something and it was evident from his facial expression that he was very surprised which indicated to me that he hadn't heard someone say that before or perhaps hadn't thought such a thing would happen to me.

I find it somewhat comforting when a T says 'they have heard it all before' as it makes me feel like nothing I will say will shock them. On the other hand, like another poster said I also find it very annoying as it makes me feel somewhat insignificant and as if none of my problems are unique and I am the same as everyone else.