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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 38,791
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#41
I'm not "allowed" to see you in person tommorow. This thing can kiss my ***.
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LonesomeTonight
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,598
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#42
gosh darn it i want to check in with you.
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LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,739
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#43
6 hours and nothing. You knew I was struggling, but you're not concerned enough to check-in. I hate you. I open myself up to you in vulnerable ways only to be abandoned when I really need you.
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,616
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#44
Dear T,
That was a nice exchange at the end of session today, about my fumbling to fit everything back in my purse. Felt affectionate, like you appreciate our relationship, even if it's complicated and messy sometimes. That's how I feel about it, too. Love, LT |
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ScarletPimpernel
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Legendary
Member Since Apr 2012
Location: Earth
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#45
Being a little honest scared you hopefully we can talk about it Monday.
__________________ Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
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LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,739
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11 7,254 hugs
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#46
I get it now! I'm just a client. My pain stems from my issues (abandonment, neglect, invalidation, rejection, favoritism, and aloneness) or just the unfairness of the universe. No matter what I do, no matter how much of myself I give, you are my doctor and I am just a patient. Everyone is right. It's just a paid relationship. Maybe there's love, but the basis is just that: doctor/client. Nothing more.
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 38,791
(SuperPoster!)
8 9,763 hugs
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#47
I can tell I'm over my jealousy because I came into the zoom session with covid on Thursday and didn't care when you said I sounded "covidy." And I was worried my coughing was a distraction so I was trying to keep it quiet.
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LonesomeTonight
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,598
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4 6,011 hugs
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#48
Well my new poetry eBook just became available today. i want to tell you about it but don't worry, I won't bother you. it's something that came about after we last spoke so it's not like I could say "remember when I talked about...." or something. i've been writing a lot of poems lately inspired by edgar allan poe, and one of my poetry challenge friends suggested I do a chapbook of them, which I thought was a grand idea. so as soon as I had 20+ poems I put one together.
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LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel, unaluna
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LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,616
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9 76.2k hugs
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#49
Dear T,
I imagine it had no meaning at all that you signed the forwarded email about the parenting therapist with your first initial today before your autosignature, but it did feel nice. You were probably replying to other people at the time, maybe friends, where you use that sort of signature, so you probably did it without thinking. So I won't read anything into it. Love, LT |
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LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,616
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#50
Dear T,
I guess I jinxed things with H by telling you he seemed in a good mood Saturday and that we'd had a nice dinner out, including a good conversation about D. Now he seems angry with me. I thought I was just backing up his comment re: D, but clearly, he thought differently. Why do these things tend to happen shortly after a session? I suppose it's good I'm going out with a friend in an hour... Love, LT |
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LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,838
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#51
This doesn't feel good. I feel nervous and unsettled. I don't know what I am doing. It's harder to come back into contact with you than it is to let something evaporate.
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LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,450
13 3,535 hugs
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#52
Please send the picture of the cards when you can.
With the turbulence I feel most of the time, I am so surprised that seven basic emotions could cause so much trouble. I can only hope that I will be able to trust you to hold this anger. I know too much - I know more than I ever should have known...and now I have to work out how to carry it, separate from my image of my friend Steve. How? __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,450
13 3,535 hugs
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#53
Dear H,
Would it be weird if I sent you the poem I mentioned when we spoke on Monday? I don't want to appear too familiar with you. Speak soon, Lost __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2019
Location: Toodlepip
Posts: 1,838
5 |
#54
I don't want to meet. I should have cancelled. But then that becomes a thing of its own and I don't want that either. Yours, Goldilocks.
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LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,450
13 3,535 hugs
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#55
Well,
I'm trying to plan my emotional support around Steve's birthday. I know that we will probably finish for the year around the 12th of December, and H doesn't work on the helpline on Thursdays... Maybe I can request a check in with N in the lead up. If everything is already haywire, how can it get more so? Lost __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Where the sidewalk ends
Posts: 38,791
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8 9,763 hugs
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#56
We talked about baked brie from Aldis and we both said we have eaten the whole thing by ourselves and I said I just use a fork I don't even use crackers. You thought that was funny. So I'm not sure whats the big deal with the working out thing.
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LonesomeTonight
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Human Feeling
Member Since Aug 2011
Location: England
Posts: 5,450
13 3,535 hugs
given |
#57
If I can't let my anger exist in my journal, then...where?
That's something I need to figure out quite quickly, I think. If it continues to exist within me, it will...spill out. __________________ 'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
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LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Veteran Member
Member Since May 2020
Location: Uk
Posts: 563
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#58
How can there not be a blueprint for recovery. Or even just a basic outline. I really feel like there’s no end to the rings on this spiral, if you could tell me how other people heal that would be great. Or if you can tell I’m not going to heal ever, just tell me that. It’s the waiting and hoping that I find most painful.
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ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,598
(SuperPoster!)
4 6,011 hugs
given |
#59
ha today's prompt for the november PAD challenge is to write a correspondence poem. So naturally, what do I choose to write about, but the letter I asked you for before I took that year off that you said no to writing. Of course. Yeah, that still rankles me in a back of my mind sort of way. It felt pretty awful having you say no and it was the first thing I thought of when i read the prompt. Why wasn't I good enough? Poop on you.
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LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,616
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9 76.2k hugs
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#60
Dear T,
Aaaaaaaaaggggghhhhh! I really hope we have some sense of the outcome when I see you at this time tomorrow. Glad I know we're hoping for the same one. Love, LT PS: Be safe. |
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