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#51
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This doesn't feel good. I feel nervous and unsettled. I don't know what I am doing. It's harder to come back into contact with you than it is to let something evaporate.
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![]() LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#52
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Please send the picture of the cards when you can.
With the turbulence I feel most of the time, I am so surprised that seven basic emotions could cause so much trouble. I can only hope that I will be able to trust you to hold this anger. I know too much - I know more than I ever should have known...and now I have to work out how to carry it, separate from my image of my friend Steve. How?
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'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
![]() LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#53
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Dear H,
Would it be weird if I sent you the poem I mentioned when we spoke on Monday? I don't want to appear too familiar with you. Speak soon, Lost
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
![]() LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#54
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I don't want to meet. I should have cancelled. But then that becomes a thing of its own and I don't want that either. Yours, Goldilocks.
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![]() LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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#55
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Well,
I'm trying to plan my emotional support around Steve's birthday. I know that we will probably finish for the year around the 12th of December, and H doesn't work on the helpline on Thursdays... Maybe I can request a check in with N in the lead up. If everything is already haywire, how can it get more so? Lost
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
![]() LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#56
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We talked about baked brie from Aldis and we both said we have eaten the whole thing by ourselves and I said I just use a fork I don't even use crackers. You thought that was funny. So I'm not sure whats the big deal with the working out thing.
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I like bright blue skys blue lakes and blue raspberry flavored anything |
![]() LonesomeTonight
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#57
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If I can't let my anger exist in my journal, then...where?
That's something I need to figure out quite quickly, I think. If it continues to exist within me, it will...spill out.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
![]() LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#58
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How can there not be a blueprint for recovery. Or even just a basic outline. I really feel like there’s no end to the rings on this spiral, if you could tell me how other people heal that would be great. Or if you can tell I’m not going to heal ever, just tell me that. It’s the waiting and hoping that I find most painful.
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![]() ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#59
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ha today's prompt for the november PAD challenge is to write a correspondence poem. So naturally, what do I choose to write about, but the letter I asked you for before I took that year off that you said no to writing. Of course. Yeah, that still rankles me in a back of my mind sort of way. It felt pretty awful having you say no and it was the first thing I thought of when i read the prompt. Why wasn't I good enough? Poop on you.
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![]() LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#60
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Dear T,
Aaaaaaaaaggggghhhhh! I really hope we have some sense of the outcome when I see you at this time tomorrow. Glad I know we're hoping for the same one. Love, LT PS: Be safe. |
#61
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SAME. I see mine at 5:30 tomorrow. I am praying that she doesn’t have to cancel. Tomorrow has got to be a hard day for therapists (in the U.S)
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![]() LonesomeTonight
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![]() LonesomeTonight
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#62
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Dear T,
I wish I was the kind of person who would just go back to sleep after waking up in the middle of the night. No, I'm the sort, on a night like tonight, who checks the news... Hope I'll be able to go back to sleep at some point... Love, LT |
![]() LostOnTheTrail
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#63
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Dear T,
I'm glad we were able to talk about things like that. And that you were open about your reactions, too. It felt almost like a joint therapy session. Or maybe two friends talking. It was cathartic for me, to be able to let out those thoughts (including the dark one about D) and emotions. I'm also relieved you didn't try to put some sort of positive spin on it. Like you said, the most positive you could get was still pretty dark. I'm glad you're able and willing to go into the darkness with me. Wait till I show you what my mom said about it--maybe that will help you understand better her effect on me. Love you, LT |
![]() LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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#64
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Hi R,
In order to be a safe container, and do my work in the world...I need a safe container. I'm still struggling to find my way back to feeling safe with you, and things like this (whilst unavoidable) don't help. RC holds space for me beautifully, but I'm holding too much for a group. It's too much for one person, really. Thanks, Lost
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
![]() LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#65
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Quote:
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![]() DigitalDarkroom, LonesomeTonight
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#66
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You seemed kinda hopeless in your email this morning. Which freaked me out a bit. You were all like "I'll take your moms word for it" when I said she said things would be ok.
But I did use the treadmill. For myself not for you.
__________________
I like bright blue skys blue lakes and blue raspberry flavored anything |
![]() LonesomeTonight
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#67
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Is this you not turning up? This makes me very nervous. I know that there could be any number of reasons for this, but those reasons include the possibility that you are dumping me like the last one did. I am not sure what to do. I am not sure what the normal thing to do would be. Probably to message you with a prompt, but that feels very uncomfortable, especially given last week. I am not sure what is an over reaction. I guess I will give it half an hour and then message you if I haven't heard from you. Or, more likely, I will give it half an hour and then still not know what to do because I am thick.
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![]() ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel
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#68
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Sorry about being like "are we done?" Kinda abrutly at the end. I needed to leave before I got sick and your lights weren't helping. I threw up as soon as I got to the car.
__________________
I like bright blue skys blue lakes and blue raspberry flavored anything |
![]() LonesomeTonight
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#69
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Needing physical assistance and emotional support is a hell of a balancing act.
One is much easier to ask for, and the other is where I end up 'flat on my face'. Three more sleeps until we can begin to unpack everything that happened while you were poorly.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
![]() LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#70
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Dear T,
Wish I could talk to you right now. I mean, I guess the discussion with H went OK. But I'm struggling with going out of my way to do something for D on my way home, then to have her say, "I don't want her here" regarding me when I got home. I feel guilty for this part of me thinking, "Why did I bother?" Hoping the therapist we're seeing tomorrow for parenting guidance will help... Love, LT |
![]() LostOnTheTrail, ScarletPimpernel, unaluna
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#71
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You know what?
I'm so effing fed up of new layers. As if I didn't have enough to deal with. The news here isn't doing a great deal for my struggle with my 'faith walk', such as it is. We always have enough to talk about without more being added. I'm working tomorrow, so I have to get through that somehow. See you soon, Lost
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
![]() LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#72
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That new song that came out "Let's Talk" reminds me of my current situation. The whole "push it until my body fails" and "lets talk about fear and "lets talk about how I've been here before" and "how I can handle this."
__________________
I like bright blue skys blue lakes and blue raspberry flavored anything |
![]() LonesomeTonight
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#73
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Thank you for offering reassurance over the support I have found from RC.
I'm glad you can appreciate the difference between the support that she is grounded in, and what you provide. There's so much going on, and only some of it is relevant to the work that we are doing. I want to talk about the stuff that's been in the news, but I have no idea how. I never understood why some people have trouble with religion, but now I do. Hell of an initiation.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
![]() LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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#74
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You were all like "I don't think we've talked about Musicals" so I changed the subject so we wouldn't be talking about them for the 3rd time.
You did bring up something I had forgotten about though.
__________________
I like bright blue skys blue lakes and blue raspberry flavored anything |
![]() LonesomeTonight
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#75
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Sometimes I think about starting a session with an expletive.
Then I'd spend the rest of the session apologising for doing so, most likely. Sometimes the only words are four letter words.
__________________
'Somewhere up above the great divide Where the sky is wide, and the clouds are few A man can see his way clear to the light 'You have all the grace you need for today, and today is all that matters.' - Steve Austin |
![]() ArtieTheSequal, LonesomeTonight, ScarletPimpernel
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