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ScarletPimpernel
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Default Nov 15, 2024 at 06:46 PM
  #101
Well, I'm going to try. My heart might be bleeding all over this, but it's also my desire.

Here's my goal for her blanket (no guarantees!):
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Default Nov 15, 2024 at 07:31 PM
  #102
Quote:
Originally Posted by ScarletPimpernel View Post
It's a girl.

So many feelings. I need a break from life.

Hugs, Scarlet...
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Default Nov 15, 2024 at 08:02 PM
  #103
Sending safe hugs, Scarlet.
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Default Nov 15, 2024 at 10:02 PM
  #104
Hugs, I’m so sorry this is so painful for you, Scarlett.
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Default Today at 07:26 PM
  #105
Finding out it's a girl hit me on so many levels. 1.The grief that I can never have my dream of having a little girl. 2. It broke the fantasy that I could be L's little girl. Now she'll have a real daughter. I know. #2 is probably pathetic. But it's truth. I had a in-person and phone session with her Friday where I just broke down in grief. Those two things are my deepest issues: never being a mom and never having a loving mom. L thinks it's finally time to work on these two things. Maybe she's right. And maybe she is the right person to do this work with. But I need to forgive her in order to trust her. How do I do that? Just choose to? Or just commit without complete closure?

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Default Today at 09:03 PM
  #106
Thats why they say its a process. If you want to acquire a skill, you have to recommit to practicing it. Trust isnt a decision - its acquired in the doing.
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Default Today at 10:00 PM
  #107
Una, I think I'm understanding. In order to trust, I have to go through it, not sit back and wait for it to miraculously happen.

I think I'm starting to go through it. Maybe not intentionally, but I am still here. So far, I have chosen to stay. But all the work right now is based off of triggers. I do think I've come to the end: either stay or go. L says I can keep the part of me that wants to go as a backup plan if I choose to commit to her. Btw, commit is my language, not L's.

H says to forgive and commit. T says to keep going, as well. T says to go slowly though.

What do I want? I think I want to stay, and have the backup plan. To fully go through this, but if for some reason something this big happens again, then I have the ability to just leave. I guess a commitment to whole-heartedly keep going, but no promises. I think that's what I mean. And I think that's what I want.

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