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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,743
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11 7,263 hugs
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#101
Well, I'm going to try. My heart might be bleeding all over this, but it's also my desire.
Here's my goal for her blanket (no guarantees!): __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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LonesomeTonight, unaluna
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Always in This Twilight
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: US
Posts: 21,619
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#102
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ScarletPimpernel
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Writing my way through...
Member Since Feb 2020
Location: In the desert of my soul
Posts: 7,605
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4 6,020 hugs
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#103
Sending safe hugs, Scarlet.
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ScarletPimpernel
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New Member
Member Since Nov 2024
Location: In the abyss
Posts: 4
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#104
Hugs, I’m so sorry this is so painful for you, Scarlett.
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ScarletPimpernel
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,743
(SuperPoster!)
11 7,263 hugs
given |
#105
Finding out it's a girl hit me on so many levels. 1.The grief that I can never have my dream of having a little girl. 2. It broke the fantasy that I could be L's little girl. Now she'll have a real daughter. I know. #2 is probably pathetic. But it's truth. I had a in-person and phone session with her Friday where I just broke down in grief. Those two things are my deepest issues: never being a mom and never having a loving mom. L thinks it's finally time to work on these two things. Maybe she's right. And maybe she is the right person to do this work with. But I need to forgive her in order to trust her. How do I do that? Just choose to? Or just commit without complete closure?
__________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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ArtieTheSequal
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Elder Harridan x-hankster
Member Since Jun 2011
Location: Milan/Michigan
Posts: 40,970
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#106
Thats why they say its a process. If you want to acquire a skill, you have to recommit to practicing it. Trust isnt a decision - its acquired in the doing.
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ScarletPimpernel
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Wise Elder
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 8,743
(SuperPoster!)
11 7,263 hugs
given |
#107
Una, I think I'm understanding. In order to trust, I have to go through it, not sit back and wait for it to miraculously happen.
I think I'm starting to go through it. Maybe not intentionally, but I am still here. So far, I have chosen to stay. But all the work right now is based off of triggers. I do think I've come to the end: either stay or go. L says I can keep the part of me that wants to go as a backup plan if I choose to commit to her. Btw, commit is my language, not L's. H says to forgive and commit. T says to keep going, as well. T says to go slowly though. What do I want? I think I want to stay, and have the backup plan. To fully go through this, but if for some reason something this big happens again, then I have the ability to just leave. I guess a commitment to whole-heartedly keep going, but no promises. I think that's what I mean. And I think that's what I want. __________________ "Odium became your opium..." ~Epica |
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