[Mouse_]

Even though I havent missed a session, the easter wkend put a bigger gap between seeing T. My normal days were changed. I went back to T today and told her that though I haven't missed any sesssions, the distance between them seems to be the problem, and no matter if I saw T everyday there would still be an issue at some point.

T agreed and said, yes if you saw my 7 days a week it would be the part of the day you didn't see me that would be the issue.

I asked why? T said I think its because of your sudden disappearence of your first mother, and the shocking way you were eventually made aware of this, and plus also your adoptive mother never really claiming you, not making you hers.

I thought about that then said, but you can't claim me either. T said, why not? I think I have, if I hadn't then the times you say you are quiting, I would just say, ok then, she said you have claimed a part of me and I have claimed a part of you.

I had to sit and think some more. I then said, well I dont believe you and think you are only saying that, just because you have too. No sooner had I said that, then my own mind challenged that. Then T said, but you still come, so there must be some truth in it??

I said, ok, its hard when your thinking is challenged, its like your reject the truth for a while, but yeah I know underneath that this is true, but then I said, why are you going away on holiday in 2 weeks? if you had claimed me you wouldnt leave me, and I added, I know this is irrational what I am saying now, and T said, its rational to the part it is coming from, and then she added, when you had your son and went back to work afterwards, were you forgetting him? I knew she had me then, I smiled and said, no we still continued

[Perna]

Oh, you're getting into the really really lovely part. But it's bitter sweet too.

[Mouse_]

I think its been bitter sweet all along. I mentioned today how on one hand I know I am getting my needs met, but also there's a certain amount of frustration that I feel too. T said, sometimes we dont need all our needs to be met, but just being heard and understood is what therapy is really all about.. I think my insiders sighed when they heard that...it somehow took the responsibilty of trying to get all their needs met away..that none of me/us will disappear if we at times feel emotionally frustrated, that we know "good enought" is just-around-the-corner with T.

[Kiya]

This is all good - i'm drinking it in like nectar for my "insiders" as well.

being claimed is nice =)

[MissCharlotte]

Mouse,
Once again, your reflection hit home. These two weeks I have been on break from teaching and I have been able to see T with 3 or 4 days between sessions (Mon-Wed) rather than the usual 2 or 5 days (Tue-Thurs). I find that the 5 day wait from Thursday till the following Tuesday unbearable.

I was wishing that I didn't have to go back to our regular schedule next week when I realized that sometimes the one day between visits feels like an eternity. Sigh.

I smiled at the exchange you and T had surrounding the separation. It felt really intimate.

It sounds like you have an awesome T who really gets it. And what great work on your part. It sounds like a perfect session.