[Kiya]

T said the most wonderful thing tonight... it's simple, but you have to understand the context.... I have a hard time with open ended questions and always feel bad for saying "I don't Know" ... i also used to get in trouble for saying it all the time with my folks.

So, t asked me "What can I do this week to support you?" And i said you know i can't deal with open ended questions, and she said she knows, but someday i will and she's going to keep asking them.... i said "I don't know!!!!" in my most pathetic voice. and she said "That's perfectly all right. You don't have to know." I told her she's going to have to tell me that a lot, since i was not allowed to say that to parents. she raised one eyebrow.... said alright! and said "you can always say I Don't Know... one day you might know. ANd you will never get in trouble for saying I don't know".
I nearly cried. I noticed my stomach was all knotted up and hearing that, i was able to consciously breathe and release the knots. That's when i nearly cried - letting go the tension of not being bad and not being in trouble.

[Mouse_]

Sounds like a very fulfilling session for you.

[bipolar_bear]

What a wonderful session. It sounds like there are many more to come. I am so glad you connect so well.

BB

[chaotic13]

I beat myself up for answering "I don't know" too. My T doesn't beat me up, I do it to myself. In my case I hate when I say "I don't know" because most of the time I do know something...it may not be something I want or think I should to say. I hate it because it is a reminder that I am so annal retentive and that is a quality that I dislike about myself.

Kiya I'm glad you are making a connection with your T.

[its_me]

I do the "I don't know" response also, probably a lot more than I would like and I almost always KNOW... I'm so glad your T has given you permission to say "I don't know" (even know you have every right to say that). I do understand be told not to say that - I remember those days well as a child. I still say it with a little insecurity - fear of what is going to happen. My T just lets it pass and tells me - when you're ready, you will share what you know...

[sunrise]

Kiya, that sounds very healing--to be allowed to not know.

I love her question, though, "what can I do this week to support you?" She is there for you, standing by to help and fill your needs.

Lots of connection going on.

[Kiya]

*(((((((((((((((hugs everyone in thread!!))))))))))))

yeah, sometimes i do know and it is something really embarrassing and i'd die before i could answer... but sometimes i get those questions and y brain goes completely blank! then i start thinking trouble, yelled at, grounded, worse... it was really good timing because we had just talked about selective mutism (something i just did research on that totally helped explain why i couldn't talk at times of my life) and how sometimes i just can't deal with open ended questions - so she asks one! I said "Yeah, that's one of those!!!" She just grins -
"I know.... and i'll keep asking them."
It is good that i am finally connecting with her - it's only been 7 months.