[krazibean]

she didn't put anything in it? she didn't put anything in it!!!!

It's empty. My box is empty. The deal was she was decorating a box and she was going to find things that would become my "transitional objects" so i would be able to get through the week not seeing her. Guys, its empty.

I'm sorry. i i'm repeating myself. but its empty! That's all i can say. it makes me cry.

heres how the convo went. it was the very end of the session.

T- I did finish your box. It's over there. I finished it before you left, but you weren't here to give it to you. I had all the arts and craft stuff out from my younger clients so i decided to finish it.
Me- (smiles) Are you going to show me whats in it?
T- (smiles back) I didn't put anything in it! That's your job. You have to collect stuff that "self-help".

Then she described her own box she made for herself, and she told me that whenever she reads something inspirational she writes it down and puts it in the box. At this point i completely zoned out, and when she handed me the box it was all i could do to say thanks.

She must have forgotten what the point of the box was. It was to have things that she herself picked out that i could hold to take place of her when shes not here. She gave me an empty box! Do you have any idea how much that hurt considering what was supposed to be inside it?

It hurts. The box is empty. She gave me an empty box. Thats like giving a christmas gift with nothing in it. Thats like opening a present and only seeing the tissue paper. Its empty. My heart is empty.

Did anyone not get the point that the box is empty? Sorry i've said it so much. I'm still in shock, and feeling hurt. Please, if you could respond to this, even if its just hugs. But i'd really like some words of wisdom about what I should do. I'm hurting. It's empty.

I don't even want to open it, so her "air" stays there.

My God, it's so empty.

[Kiya]

oh no!!!! as soon as i saw the heading, i covered my mouth with my hands. =( (((((((((((krazybean!!!)))))))))))
Maybe you can take it with you next week with an arrow pointing into it that says "things of t go in here - waiting for t" or something like that.

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Thinking of you - here is a box (i hope) full of imagination, to help you get through this week.

[lauren_helene]

I'm sorry krazibean it seems she doesn't remember what you both discussed.

Can you recall the exact conversation? Is it possible that you didn't hear her correctly? I can't imagine she would blatantly just give you an empty box...it seems she did but at least she gave you a box right? Maybe she thought the box was the transitional object??

[Fuzzybear]

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((((Krazibean)))))))))))))))))
It definately sounds to me like she forgot what the point of the box was. I am sorry she upset you by surprising you with it being empty I can see how that would be very hurtful. Maybe you should try filling it up yourself, it might be helpful. If it were me I would probably fill it up with things I cut out of magazines and give it back to her. I found that searching through old magazines and cutting out things I liked or didn't like is theraputic, I done this in group therapy recently. I hope you feel better soon, sorry I couldn't be more helpful.

[krazibean]

No. There was supposed to be stuff in it. She even said she was looking around her house of stuff to put in it. (she said that like the week after she told me she was making it). The whole box idea came up from her saying maybe i need a transitional object. She told me she'd think about what it could be. Then the next week i saw a half decorated box sitting there that she was going to put stuff in. its a nice box. she taped little words from magazines on it. it has glitter and a heart. but i can't hold it. I can't carry it in my pocket. That was what was supposed to go in there, things i could hold and carry with me. its empty

*HUGS* krazibean

"Then she described her own box she made for herself, and she told me that whenever she reads something inspirational she writes it down and puts it in the box."

Maybe you could write down all the ways it hurt you to get an empty box, put them inside and then share it?

You wrote " I'm hurting. It's empty." That might be a good start.

You could tell her it was a good lesson in "self-help" to let your feelings out.

She might not have a clue how much this hurt you. I bet if you brought it up next time you could work it out.

I really have no words of wisdom, especially right now because I really feel your pain. I would not only be hurt, but pissed off too.

Oh, Krazibean, I'm sorry you feel so bad

Can you expain to her at your next appointment that you were hoping she would give you some transitional objects to put in it? That perhaps you misunderstood, but that that's what you were really expecting and hoping for?

I do think it's really special that she made the box for you. I would be touched (and shocked beyond belief!) if my T took the time to decorate something like that for me with his own two hands. She was probably thinking of you while she did it, and decorating it in a way that she thought you would like. I would love to know my T was thinking of me while I wasn't there - and to be thinking of me AND making a gift for me at the same time?! Wow.

I can hear how hurt and disappointed you are, though, and I'm really, really sorry. Our Ts can touch such deep, painful parts of us sometimes.

Sending you lots and lots of

[Perna]

When we finish with this thread in 100 years; print it out and put it in there with all our hugs! Your T won't have anything nearly as good in her box, phooey on her for not getting it!

{{{{{{{{krazibean}}}}}}}}

[lauren_helene]

write her a letter and take it to your next session.

[Christina86]

((*((*((krazibean))*))*))

[onlymedid]

I would be so sad, too. Especially because you had your hopes up only to be crushed.

I can send you great big

I agree that putting how you feel in the box and then bringing it to her may help.

I hope you feel better soon

BJ

[PsyChris]

I'm sorry that there was miscommunication between you and your therapist. I think you should ask her to explain what she meant.

I would think that a box filled with objects that are significant to you would be better than objects your T places in the box.

Objects the T places would just serve as a way to remember the T. The ultimate goal in therapy is to help you get to a better place. To the point your T can feel like their job is completed.

Here is the conversation I picture:

Bean: Hello T
T: Hello Bean..How are you?
Bean: I am really not doing well. Let me tell you what happened. I went to open my mailbox and NOTHING was it. Also, I went to open my refrigerator and it was EMPTY. And %#@&#!, I couldn't believe it when I opened my closet and it was completely BLANK..... Can you believe this? How would you feel if this happened to you?
T: Ummm.
Bean: Or perhaps, you opened your house door and walked in and your house was EMPTY. Nothing there. Nothing to remember.
T: Uh huh. Tell me more.
Bean: Perhaps I have NOTHING to say and am completely EMPTY of feelings.

Does this help?

T's suck.

[Fuzzybear]

[sunrise]

krazibean

It seems really important that you somehow deal with this with your T--bring it up, discuss it, cry about it.... It seems too big to let slide and pretend it never happened. I hope you can spend time on this in session next time.

[MissCharlotte]

(((Krazibean)))

I am so sorry you are hurting. May I share something with you? I make decorative boxes as a hobby. I turn shoe boxes into sewing boxes and candy boxes into jewelry cases and so on. The work and love is in the transformation of a plain old piece of cardboard or plastic into something beautiful with my "message" in the artwork that goes into the change.

So, although I know you expected something to be in the box, maybe you can look closely at how she decorated it and see if you can find a message in her work. it takes a lot of time, thought and effort to do this kind of work. So maybe you can think of it the way you would a painting that someone did especially for you?

Having said that, I hope you can tell T that you expected something to be in the box and really looked forward to getting your surprises. I like the idea of writing out how you feel about the whole experience and putting it in the box. Then maybe you can read it to her?

I hope you can discuss this with T.

xoxoxox

[Razzleberry]

Aww, I'm sorry! It was probably just a big misunderstanding. I wonder if she really realizes what she did.

Sorry!

[Kiya]

maybe, too, you can find things to go in it - but take them to her and share about why they will go in it, and ask her to place them in the boox - to have her energy?

[krazibean]

i sent her an email that said i think we had a misunderstanding because i was expecting something in the box. i see her tomorrow night. i'll update after that. i still keep holding the box and opening and looking inside like there will be something there.

((((((((Krazibean)))))))),

An empty box. Ughhhhhhhhh! I'm so sorry! I've said this before, but Ts need to be educated on how much transitional objects mean to us! Plus, your T didn't do what you expected and I know that hurt. Keep us posted. Take care.