[Hudson123]

I just quit therapy after 4 years with the same doctor. I wanted to go to a male therapist to work on my relationship issues with men (I am a woman) -- but I think I picked the wrong doctor. First off, he called me by the wrong name for all four years. This other name is close to mine and the error happens a lot, but he kept doing it and after someone in group (I was in both group and individual) corrected him and he did it again, I corrected him with an edge in my voice. After that he said that he was having a problem getting it right b/c I had been "punishing" with him. And so this is how it went for all four years. He would also forget things I told him or things he said; if I said that something he had said the week before bothered me as I thought about it, he would sometimes say that I misunderstood him or that he hadn't said it. And this was becoming more and more common. He said that this was part of my masochistic personality disorder -- to exaggerate and focus on one little thing he did wrong instead of all the good things he's said. This especially bothered me b/c I didn't think the things that he was "getting wrong" were so minor. Like having porn up on his computer when we came into group one week. I don't think that's a very professional thing to do. And toward the end he started my session late a couple of times and didn't make up the time; he didn't put a diagnosis on my bill and the insurance company returned the claim (when I confronted him about it he said that he never put diagnoses on bills, but I know that to be patently false), other types of things like that -- it was all very disturbing. At the end my sessions just seemed to be one long argument about gender and all sorts of stuff that wasn't helpful to me. I just couldn't understand why my therapist was arguing with me about such stupid stuff and trying to browbeat me into submission (it seemed) -- this just enraged me. In my last session I just up and left. A half hour later he sent me a personal email intended for a friend of his by mistake. It was weird to receive it. Then a second later an apology for that and a request to change my regular time to a much later time going forward. I just said I couldn't do it, and that was it. It was all so strange. I've no idea what was going on there. But he seemed to blame it on me, telling me I need to accept responsibility for my feelings -- all the while as he was doing things that I found very violational and then telling me that that was my problem!

I'm very turned off of therapy now -- not enough to keep from asking the question, though. Was it me? Or is this very odd therapist behavior? What the heck was going on there?

Any help would be appreciated.

[gimmeice]

(((((((((( Hudson123 )))))))))))
What you have just explained seems like very odd therapist behavior to me, but I have very limited experience, I've only had one therapist. I hope that you will consider finding a new therapist that is more likely to help you. And nice to meet you and welcome to PC.

[winterbaby]

I'm so sorry you had to go through this all of that time. No, it wasn't you. This guy seems to have had more issues than his patients. Definitely look for someone else, they are not all like that, there are some good ones out there and as you have found, some duds. His responses to you sound quite unprofessional. Congratulations for having the presence of mind to leave and please know if you feel the need to get help again, that there will be others who are professional in their manner who can and will help you.

[altonwoodsdrphil]

It does sound a bit "off'...but maybe he's actually done you some good by faccilitating your taking control of your own "therapy"... medical science is all about helping the body's own healing process to occur, you've been insightful enough to spot a phony, maybe you're not as sick as you thought...(that'll be 250.00)

[Gravity]

Woah...... I'm shocked by that behavior. I wonder how someone who couldn't get your name right would be able to remember the minor details of your life (which I think are very important to your overall being). My T remembers everything - he's got a mind like a steel trap. Also, I have no inkling that he would ever be inappropriate. I am pretty sure that, although the perfect T is hard to find, this guy has got to be waaaaay outside the norm.

Don't give up on finding the right T for you.

[Kiya]

agreed. Besides, I think now that therapists are like teachers. THink back over the years of how many teachers you had - and how many you liked and got along well with and *learned* from.
I'm a teacher, i can say this *grin*
but really - i used think that being a Therapist was like having a cloud with a silver lining. They were ALL these great beings.
Welp - i have learned that it takes time an patience to find the one that you work well with. I am on t No. 5 and (much as she irked me last time) I think that I am with the right one now.

[pachyderm]

I agree with the other posters: see if you can find a better therapist. As you have found out, they are not all equal.

[Simcha]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Hudson123 said:
I just quit therapy after 4 years with the same doctor. I wanted to go to a male therapist to work on my relationship issues with men (I am a woman) -- but I think I picked the wrong doctor. First off, he called me by the wrong name for all four years. This other name is close to mine and the error happens a lot, but he kept doing it and after someone in group (I was in both group and individual) corrected him and he did it again, I corrected him with an edge in my voice. After that he said that he was having a problem getting it right b/c I had been "punishing" with him. And so this is how it went for all four years. He would also forget things I told him or things he said; if I said that something he had said the week before bothered me as I thought about it, he would sometimes say that I misunderstood him or that he hadn't said it. And this was becoming more and more common. He said that this was part of my masochistic personality disorder -- to exaggerate and focus on one little thing he did wrong instead of all the good things he's said. This especially bothered me b/c I didn't think the things that he was "getting wrong" were so minor. Like having porn up on his computer when we came into group one week. I don't think that's a very professional thing to do. And toward the end he started my session late a couple of times and didn't make up the time; he didn't put a diagnosis on my bill and the insurance company returned the claim (when I confronted him about it he said that he never put diagnoses on bills, but I know that to be patently false), other types of things like that -- it was all very disturbing. At the end my sessions just seemed to be one long argument about gender and all sorts of stuff that wasn't helpful to me. I just couldn't understand why my therapist was arguing with me about such stupid stuff and trying to browbeat me into submission (it seemed) -- this just enraged me. In my last session I just up and left. A half hour later he sent me a personal email intended for a friend of his by mistake. It was weird to receive it. Then a second later an apology for that and a request to change my regular time to a much later time going forward. I just said I couldn't do it, and that was it. It was all so strange. I've no idea what was going on there. But he seemed to blame it on me, telling me I need to accept responsibility for my feelings -- all the while as he was doing things that I found very violational and then telling me that that was my problem!

I'm very turned off of therapy now -- not enough to keep from asking the question, though. Was it me? Or is this very odd therapist behavior? What the heck was going on there?

Any help would be appreciated.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Umm... wow. You were definitely right in leaving this therapist. I've also never heard of "masochistic personality disorder." I don't think it's in the DSM IV-TR...better look into that I would say.
Four years with that guy huh? Thank your lucky stars it wasn't five.
I wish you the best... just remember it can't get too much worse I would think.

Most therapists don't think it is a good idea to email, for legal and boundary/ethical reasons. I tend to agree in most cases. So much can be lost in translation...

Rest assured, it's not you with the problem, it's him. I would report him to the state's licensure board too if it were me. I guarantee you aren't the only one that he behaved this way toward, especially if he had pornography on his computer in a group session. He wasn't shy, and seems to be pushing every boundary there is.
I'm happy you escaped.

[chaotic13]

Masochistic personality disorder-- I think I have a touch of this alone with many other things.

Sounds to me like your therapist was that good. Leaving and finding a better one (at least on who can remember your name correctly) sounds like the right move.