dingbat

Can I just say, my T is a dingbat? He sent me an email about an hour ago asking what happened last week? Why didn't I show up for my appointment? Ummm, I had no appointment last week. I skipped last week, which caused me much teeth gnashing. I have a session scheduled today and will be leaving to see him shortly. I'm wondering if he had me down for last week instead of this week? So when I arrive for session today, will there be another client in the waiting room? I emailed him I was scheduled today and would see him soon, and to call me if this is not right. Hmmm, I have to leave soon. I have "won" 2 out of 3 of those double booking incidents (2 clients waiting to see T at the same time). I guess it's about time for another one and my turn to lose?

OMG! You are not having good luck with therapy lately. Did you already have your legal meeting? I really hope you have your session today. ((Sunrise))

He just emailed and said someone else has my slot today. He said he will call also to make sure I get the message. Well, c*&%$p!

((((( sunny )))))

How maddening to have this happen!

T is flunking 'email' again...

I hope you can get an appointment very soon!

Thats happened four times now? Id be angry too. I would make sure t next week knows how annoying this is when it happens and figure out how to make it not happen anymore. I guess unless this is over a ten year plus time frame then i might give a little slack.

Oh No!

(((((((((((( sunrise ))))))))))))

He called. He said for me not to come today as he had filled that slot with someone else. He apologized. He wanted to schedule another appointment but had nothing available today (he works into the night so I thought it might be possible). The soonest is next week. I put down the phone and went to get my calendar and tried to gather myself a bit. I was feeling so disappointed. We set a time for next week and he asked me how my legal meeting had gone. I said, "OK. We can talk about it next week." I could not talk about anything substantive on the phone. I hate the phone, for one, and could give no more than a superficial response when I know he is calling me in his typical 2 minutes between clients. Plus, I felt myself starting to fall apart a bit and start crying and I felt so embarrassed by that and didn't want him to know I was crying just because of a missed appointment. I didn't want him to hear any quaver in my voice. I tried to respond brightly. So we hung up, and I cried some more. I feel so dumb about this affecting me so. I had been looking forward to this day for over 2 weeks. You know how you anticipate your sessions? Well, that's how it was and then only an hour before, to be told the session is not happening is such a letdown. I am embarrassed to be so let down. To be crying.

It doesn't feel good right now to need someone so very, very much.

I do feel for you, I know what it is like to be let down, going through a similar thing too at the moment.

Hang in there my friend. (((((((((((((( sunrise )))))))))))))))

((((((((((((( sunrise )))))))))))))

How frustrating!

((((((((((((((Sunrise))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry. That is a horrible letdown!

((((((((((((((( sunrise )))))))))))))))

Wow, I'm so sorry that that happened. What a disappointment when you've been waiting so long to see him - and especially after the confusion with trying to see him before your legal meeting.

I don't think that tears are anything to be ashamed of. Someone you were counting on let you down...someone you trust and depend on. I hope you will let him know how this made you feel - and how you felt about his non-response to your e-mail asking for an extra appointment. This stuff is really important in therapy. As much as it hurts, I know that confronting T with things he does that inadvertently hurt me is helping me to build confidence and assertiveness and honesty that I can carry to other relationships outside of that room. It is another way that I empower myself in therapy.

Sending lots of

Boy, I would be upset with the T just not being on the ball with keeping straight his scheduling. I mean if you don't show or you cancel at the last minute, he might let it slide a time or 2, but wouldn't he charge you if it happened more than that? It is written in my contract that without 24 hrs notice for cancelling an appt., I am obligated to pay.

I'm sure if there were a good reason--major issue like sudden illness or something that can't be predicted I'd be "forgiven" but he (your T) just sounds kind of flakey.

Also, I don't look forward to seeing my T. I know it is helpful & all, but it tends to be emotional & I don't like to open up those "cans of worms." I tend to be anxious before an appt. & would be happy if SHE would call & cancel at the last minute. No such luck. She's very reliable.

I start DBT next week (Dialectical Behavioral Thrapy). Did an intake with the therapist who will be leading the group & liked her very much. She doesn't put up with crap & I need a no-nonsense kick inb the pants to get me out of the emotional dfownward spiral I've been in.--Suzy

Thanks, everyone, for the hugs and understanding why this was so disappointing and upsetting. That's why you can't talk about therapy to people who have never been in therapy, because they just would not get why I was so sad.

Suzy, my T has the 24 hour rule too, but I have never missed an appointment with him so I don't know what you meant about my T letting it slide a time or two. And I didn't miss my session last week because I was supposed to go today, not last week. Because I am so reliable, I am surprised T waited a week to contact me about why I wasn't there on the day he thought I would be. I wish he hadn't waited a week, then we could have had time to fit a session into his schedule this week. Oh, well. As for mixing up the day, he's not perfect and sometimes stuff happens. It was an easy mistake to make, especially since I usually see him weekly. Maybe unconsciously, he put my name on last week's schedule because he didn't want me to skip a week because he looks forward to our sessions so much. HA HA HA HA

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earthmama wrote:I don't think that tears are anything to be ashamed of. Someone you were counting on let you down...someone you trust and depend on. I hope you will let him know how this made you feel

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Thanks for understanding, earthmama. It will be hard to share this with him, but I will try. I think, at the very least, I will ask him if he can contact me right away if I don't show up for a session, because that would mean something is wrong.

After I found out I wasn't having a session today, the headache I've had for the last two days got much worse--just splitting. And I was tired, it was my day off, so I decided to take a nap. So I did that, and it wasn't very restful, and this is the dream I had:

I am in a sandy, vacant lot, with a few weeds, next to a building. Maybe it is a parking area. I am sad and crying. I dig a hole in the sand, kneel beside it, and cry into it because I don’t want anyone to know I am upset and I want to hide the wet spots my tears make on the sand. When I am done crying, I fill in the hole, and smooth over the sand with my hands. The act of doing this reminds me of burying someone or something, of kneeling by a grave. This makes me sad all over again, for whatever is in the grave, and I start crying again. I am very frustrated and upset with myself because I am getting the sand wet on top, and now people will see. I wake up, and I am crying.

Even my unconscious is grappling with what happened.

Oh, I just meant I would let my T "slide" a couple times as far as mixing up appts. like I think she would give me the benefit of a doubt a couple times, but after that I think it is kind of rude. You had blocked out this time specifically to see your T & to be told at the last minute that you weren't going to meet meant that it would be difficult for you to schedule something else during that time that you might have wanted to do. I think my time is as "valuable" as the T's even though no one is paying me big bucks for it so I don't like it when people (even professionals) don't respect my time. Just a "thing" I have. You may not feel the same way at all.--Suzy

(((sunrise)))

I love how when our t's mess up we vent and rant and moan ... and then when others vent and rant and moan on our behalf, we each then get protective of our t's.
It's rather endearing - even while it can be annoying what we go through with our t's.

((((((((((Sunrise)))))))))))) sorry it hurts so bad. =( I have a bandaid with a crying unicorn on it you can have if you like.

For your T

I have been with what was a "team" of health care workers (my oral surgeon, some techs, my physical therapist, my pain management psychologist) for many, many years. My physical therapist STILL doesn't understand that if he is late seeing me, and makes me late for my psychologist's session, I lose whatever time I am late for.... he can't seem to understand the scheduled appointment time is etched pretty much in steel.

HA I LOVE EDYTH BUNKER



((Sunny)), I am so sorry you had this unnerving experience. I think he should know how he hurt you. Can you tell him? I just don't believe it makes you weak to let him know.

Hi MissCharlotte, yes, I think I will tell him how I felt. For me, it's not so much appearing weak but making myself so vulnerable to him. I would have a hard time just telling him outright, so I'll probably tell him the dream and then we will examine what it means, which is pretty transparent. Through this, we will get to how I feel and why. I have done this before in therapy--used dreams to communicate what was too difficult to tell him directly. If I tell him the dream, I think he will understand how I felt. We haven't done dreams together for a long time....

It is hard to accept how disappointed and sad I felt because of this experience. It foreshadows events in the future, such as termination. If I feel this way now, because of a missed session, how will I possibly endure the pain of never seeing him again? It makes me feel trapped in a runaway car rattling toward the edge of a cliff, and my doom.

((((((Sunrise)))))

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It foreshadows events in the future, such as termination

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Yes, I see that too. I think about my eventual ending of therapy and I can't fathom it. I guess this is one of those times when it's best to stay in the "now."

I think that telling him the dream is perfect.

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MissCharlotte said:
I guess this is one of those times when it's best to stay in the "now."

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Totally agree on that! I am a master at avoidance so it isn't too hard for me to do that.

Vulnerable... very tough to realize and accept.

(((sunrise)))

I'm so sorry, sunrise. I would have responded in the same way. Hang in there and tell him how much it hurt you - all he has to do is keep up his appointment book better! Sheesh.