[del12]

A few weeks ago my T said she thought I was not telling the truth about how I was using her suggested tool to deal with my self esteen issues. Now I am scheduled to meet with her on Monday and I really don't know how to handle it. SHould I find a new therapist? Was she out of line? How do I adrdss tje issue without flying off the handle?

[ECHOES]

Keep talking with your T about this. T needs to know how this comment affects you.

Is what your T is saying correct? If so, well maybe you don't like the suggestions--they are only suggestions and what we take in or don't take in are up to us. Maybe it isn't the right time for you to try some things. Maybe the suggestions are good suggestions but aren't what *you* need, or just don't work well for you.

[skeksi]

Yep, talk with T about it, definitely. You can ask her what made her say that, and also explain how hurt you are by the implication. Take this opportunity to deal with frustration and come out with a stronger relationship.

My T has asked me if I was being honest before. It was a worthy question, as I am not always able to be 100% honest.

[Gracey]

And remember. . .by your own account, your T said she "thought" you weren't using the tool. This represents her perception. She didn't state it as a fact. Just like we as clients are allowed to say to our T's, "I don't *think* you're hearing me, listening to me, caring for me, giving me enough, fill in the blank" they too are allowed to have their feelings and perceptions.

If it's truly to be a relationship, then she must be free to *think* and *feel* based on her perceptions. It doesn't mean she's right (is she?) or that her opinion is somehow more valid than yours. It just means she has one.

Don't bail. stick it out and it'll be worth it.

[chaotic13]

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A few weeks ago my T said she thought I was not telling the truth about how I was using her suggested tool to deal with my self esteen issues.

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Did she really question your integrity or was she simply suggesting that you may not be putting in enough effort or the right type of effort into helping yourself? I think there is a big difference. As a teacher, there are times when conversing with a student and you hear... "But, I studied a lot for this test and I still failed." This statement is usually followed by me saying something like... "What is your definition of a lot?" or "How do you define studying?" These questions are not intended to be derogatory, mean, or intended to suggest that the student is lying. I am just seeking more information on what the student is actually doing when studying. For example sitting with the book open looking at the pages is not a quality study technique. Maybe your T was simply observing that you did not seem to be implementing her suggestions in the way that she would like. This when done in the right tone could lead to a good discussion of how you are trying to do what she is suggesting. Or maybe open up a dialog about why you don't want to do what she is suggesting.

Now if in fact the way she worded her comment, you feel that she is accusing you of not fully engaging in your own healing process. I think you need to confront this accusation and defend yourself. I do not think calling you a liar or directly questioning your integrity is a good way for her to help you build self-esteem. Then again, I am not a licensed T and don't know all of there treatment approaches.

I would take her comment at face value and ask myself... Do I feel like I am trying my best to follow her recommendation and implement the strategies she is suggesting? If not, why? Do I feel she is not credible? Her suggestions aren't something I am comfortable with? etc... I would then bring this information to my next meeting and discuss them directly.

You could start with something like:
Last week I got the impression that you were questioning my integrity and implying that I am not working hard enough to help myself. Is this an accurate interpretation of what you were saying?

[Perna]

I always try to immediately turn the tables and ask why my T thinks whatever she's expressed, what her thoughts and feelings are. Like others have said, they're just her impressions and knowing why she has that "idea" can help me clear up any misunderstandings on her or my part.

I would tell her that you have been bothered the last couple of weeks about her statement that she doesn't think you're telling the truth about your use of the tool and just see where that takes the two of you.