[Mouse_]

Told T this morning, that I have no me, I want my old life back. T sat quitely then said, "yes change is hard, especially when we get to the nitty gritty change, where everything you've done before has been challenged and looked at in here"...GGrrrrr, I hate it when you have your frustration spoken back to you with no solution, more gggrr!...Then T said, "you know this pain has always been there, its not that we've suddenly put it there, your way of coping before T wasn't working", more GGrrr! don't %#@&#! remind me that Ii've got to go through this painful stuff because its true my life before sucked too....more silence, more tears and nose dripping, then I said, where are you? this silence, this kind of therapy is to harsh,..T says " what does the sllence mean to you?" more GGGrrrr, %#@&#! off *****!!!!,, I said it means feeling my pain and being alone with it... T says, "I thought we were both sitting with your pain" I say, you can't feel my pain, T says, "I can feel some of what its like"....I said, you aint no help, I Might as well be sitting here talking to the wind, you were my last hope and now thats gone, T says "I think you destroy anything good inside of you so you dont have to live with the fear of loosing it" she said, "You thought you'd lost something good with your husband this week, but you found something good again?" ...Oh yeah, thats right, that did happen, yeah I get that, I can feel that.....I said but whats the point of happiness it never lasts, my kids wanted to muck about with me yesterday and I begin too then suddenly I stop and step outside of myself and remember" then my head dropped onto my chest, then I said "whats the worth of letting yourself enjoy your family they may all be taken away one day, my family don't see that like I do", ...then I knew what I was remembering/really meaning....I still have'nt worked through the fears around being adopted and being told your adopted, the great loss invovloed in all of that....having your world as you know it, taken away and having to pretend none of it happened...its hard...therapy is so HARD!!!!

[skeksi]

(((Mouse)))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((( Mouse )))))))

[chaotic13]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
T says "I think you destroy anything good inside of you so you dont have to live with the fear of loosing it"

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How true is this! What is that saying, "Better to have love and lost it, than to have never loved at all."

What about never having loved at all and then realizing it, that REALLY SUCKS!