(briefly mentions cutting)

Today when I went to therapy, I was already SO not grounded. I was in the middle of a really anxiety provoking situation (autistic son off to camp for the first time) AND my last session T had created a certain amount of anxiety AND I used an old, bad coping mechanism over the weekend, and I was scared he would notice or I'd feel the need to tell him.

So, I sat down and just immediately said I wasn't grounded and didn't know if I could do this. I tried to start telling him a dream I really wanted to tell him, but I couldn't - just couldn't stay present - and told him "I can't do it".

He asked what I needed, and I honestly really didn't know. So he asked if I wanted to do therapy sitting on the floor. We found out last time we were getting ready to play Uno that I feel WAY WAY safer on the floor, and it's easier to stay grounded and open up. So, we both plopped down on the floor and had the whole session down there.

It ended up being a really good session. We talked a lot about my fears about my son being at camp, until I finally couldn't stand to think about it anymore.

At one point, I started to dissociate, and T started talking in a loud (not mean) voice - I don't remember what he was saying, but it brought me back to the room. He's never done that before, but I was so glad he kept me there and didn't let me go.

After we talked about my son, I didn't know what to talk about because what I was thinking was that I wanted to tell him what I did over the weekend (the cutting) but I was so scared, and ashamed. I finally told him that I felt ashamed about something and couldn't tell him, and after a while, I managed to tell him what I had done.

He was so gentle and accepting. He asked me all of the details and I didn't want to tell him, but he said he didn't want it to be a secret. He wanted us to share it. So I told him, and showed him. That was hard

But - the whole thing went differently than I had feared it would. It just felt so safe, in the little space on the floor between all of the chairs, with T right there, working to help me stay there with him. I guess I sort of felt like everything was going to be okay.

It was such a different session than we usually have in a lot of ways, but somehow T managed to give me just what I needed. In the midst of everything that's going on, it felt really good.

[pegasus]

That's wonderful that you were able to share so much.

(((((((((((( earthmama ))))))))))))

[skeksi]

I'm glad you got what you needed.

[Kiya]

Earthmama - that is super. I am glad that it went differently than you expected and that he was totally supportive and able to provide for you what you needed.
AWESOME!!
Kiya =)