[ECHOES]

I guess I'm having a time of severe disconnection. I don't know.
I just feel like I don't know T at all. She's become a stranger and I feel like I don't belong there.

It's like I walked in and she was there but she wasn't there in a way I can recognize. I have no feel for her. And it seems like she has no feel for me.

[pegasus]

((((((((((( ECHOES ))))))))))))

Yeah, been in therapy a long time and I keep thinking, God! We're starting all over again!

[ECHOES]

(((( pegasus )))

Thank you!

Sometimes I feel like I DO want to start over... I wonder then if I'm kind of projecting that.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( Echoes )))))))))))))))

[MissCharlotte]

((Echoes))

Misattunement is painful. It sounds like you have been on a different plane than T. Which part of you showed up last week? Maybe it's a part that hasn't connected with her yet, so it felt like a new experience? I don't know but it seemed for me that sometimes when I felt that strangeness, that there was a different part of me presenting in therapy. In those times I tried to tell him how I felt and together we muddled through. But it didn't always work. The only thing is to keep going because right now you are in an obstacle filled place. I think of a tunnel and you have come to a very dark spot and you can no longer see T in front of you. But she is there. There's light ahead!

Hey on a hunch I ran an internet search and came up with this article. Maybe it will help. I think I'll read it too.

Article on the role of attachment

[Kiya]

Awwww echoes... i do hate it when that happens =( it physically hurts!! like all the old familiar rules have been thrown out and we weren't handed a new rule book before class.

(((((((((((((((((echoes!!)))))))))))))

[ECHOES]

Thank you everyone, for hearing me and responding to me so caringly

I think it is the borderline splitting going on.
2 sessions ago I called the day before and asked her to watch a 3 minute Joni Mitchell video that I had been completely obsessed with. She has no computer in the room but there are computers available in another area.

She would not. She encourages her patients to talk about wanting to do something with her instead. Blah... and $*&^#%!! I could hardly focus on anything after she told me that. I refused to talk about wanting to watch it with her or about the video at all. Later in the session I told her very quietly that I was so mad at her that I could hardly think or talk.

So last session the anger was still there. It had smoldered and flared up all week and was still there intensely. I sat down, then moved as far away as I could although I thought it was because I wanted to try kicking my shoes off and putting my feet up on the couch. That lasted 10 seconds. I think I wanted to be away from her. And usually when she moves her chair closer if I sit there, as she did, it makes me feel good. But this time it felt intrusive. Eventually I told her I felt intimidated.

I think splitting was going on. Saying "No" to me, she had instantly become the Bad T and I haven't experienced this before. So she really was there in a way I couldn't recognize her and I didn't want her to connect with me because she was the Bad T, not the Good T.

MissC thank you for an interesting link. I found another one that is also interesting:

Borderline and splitting

[Mouse_]

Echoes, I've had sessions like that and its soooooooo painful, the person you want to run to is the person you percieve to be the cuase of your frustration and that horrible word ambivilance comes up again?

((((Echoes)))),
I went through that time about five months ago where T and I were totally misattuned. For me, I think only patience and perseverance got me throught. I can totally empathize with you, I know how devastatingly painful and disorganizing it is. Know that you are not alone and that we are all here for you while you go through this difficult time! Take care and stay safe.