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#1
Aug 22, 2008, 04:43 PM
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Today, the avoidant, terrified-of-conflict sunny jumped headlong into conflict with another person. In fact, I initiated the interaction and kept us on track to stick with it and see it through. I didn't let the other person withdraw. And I gave him a lot of space to be heard. I can't believe I did all this. We worked through our difficulties and then went on to our "business" for that day.
In another thread, someone asked, what have you learned from therapy? Today I realized how much I have learned, such as if you don't discuss a relationship or communication problem with the other person, the problem won't get solved. As we began trying to sort things through, the other person began to withdraw from me and disengage. I told him, "we need to find a way through this, not withdraw. Withdrawing won't solve anything. We will still have this between us, and I don't want that." He explained that he withdrew because he could tell I was hurt and he wanted to avoid hurting me anymore. But he agreed withdrawing wouldn't solve our issues. I told him that his withdrawing was also hurtful to me and the message I got by it was "I don't want to deal with you," not, "I don't want to hurt you." So we sorted out this little miscommunication and then went on to the bigger fish. It was very intense and lasted 45 minutes. I felt like it was having a couples session without my T there, and with a person other than my H!  It was kind of crazy, but cool too, that we did this. This just isn't like me at all. Wow, who was that person today?  
__________________
"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
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#2
Aug 22, 2008, 05:02 PM
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Well you know how we've had some Olympic themes going on here this week?
I think you deserve the Gold Medal in applying therapy to real life!  Sunny this is fantastic that you could keep with this through to the end!! Way to go!
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#3
Aug 22, 2008, 05:10 PM
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congrats sunrise! It is cool when you can suddenly see the changes in yourself. Awesome
 
__________________
   “This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.” -His Holiness, the Dalai Lama I will not kneel, not for anyone. I am courageous, strong and full of light. Find someone else to judge, your best won't work here. |
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#4
Aug 22, 2008, 05:26 PM
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Wow, Sunrise! That is inspiring. What a great example of how we can take what we learn in therapy and apply it to real life!!
It gives me a glimmer of hope while I am mucking my way through my current conflict with T.....  Thanks for sharing this with us
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#5
Aug 22, 2008, 06:53 PM
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Good for you! 
__________________
 Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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#6
Aug 22, 2008, 06:54 PM
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Good for you! When we can apply what we have learned, it is so empowering!
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#7
Aug 22, 2008, 07:54 PM
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Congrats sunrise!
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#8
Aug 22, 2008, 10:18 PM
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Sounds like I could benefit from doing this once in a while. I find it interesting that I can be a good communication and resolve conflicts fairly well at work... but not at home.
__________________
"Joy is your sole's knowledge that if you don't get the promotion, keep the relationship, or buy the house, it's because you weren't meant to.You're meant to have something better, something richer, something deeper, Something More." (Sara Ban Breathnach) |
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#9
Aug 22, 2008, 11:06 PM
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Gives me hope that I too will someday be able to effectively handle confrontation. Really good job sunny. Pat on the back from me to you. I have a necessary confrontation coming up in my life. I will be thinking of you and that it is possible to handle effectively without a major anxiety attack.
 tulips
__________________
 
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#10
Aug 23, 2008, 05:09 AM
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Sunrise!! Thats a great step forward, Well done!
I would applaud but I've got an English Crumpet in my hand as I type LOL
__________________
Here is the test to find whether your mission on earth is finished. If you're alive, it isn't. ~Richard Bach |
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#11
Aug 25, 2008, 10:21 AM
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Great news!
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#12
Aug 25, 2008, 08:45 PM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Mouse_ said: Sunrise!! Thats a great step forward, Well done! I would applaud but I've got an English Crumpet in my hand as I type LOL </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> You English and yer darn crumpets, interfering with the world and everything ... LOL j/k Excellent job Sunrise!!  
__________________
--SIMCHA |
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