My Psychiatrist Kissed Me

Yes, it's true. Has it happened to anyone else?

Uh. What kind of kiss??

He hugged me and kissed me on the lips. I jumped back and he apologized saying "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

Well, in your pasts posts here it says you are a therapist-- so you should probably be able to make the judgment on this one..

Make what judgement?
I'm writing as a patient, not a therapist.

Right, but if you are a therapist then you probably know an extra thing or two about ethics... so besides being able to decide if it felt wrong or not, you can also look at it from an ethical point of view... and make the judgment.

I know about professional ethics. I'm asking if anyone else has had a similar experience.

Definitely not. I have never had a T or pdoc kiss me, not even on the cheek. I have never had a pdoc hug me. My first T (female) hugged me on our termination day. My current T holds my hand when I am dissociating or extremely upset. He taps my knees during EMDR. A kiss on the lips is way out of line.

I agree with Pinksoil. As a person who was abused by their therapist. Kissing on the lips is way out of line.

Yeah thats a weird question to ask. Its not even close to being ok and he seemed to know it. Sometimes I get scared when I see people who are therapists asking questions like that because they should know that is wrong and not have to have people who are clients and vulnerable answer them. I think that people who announce that they are therapists in posts should be careful about what they post because some of us have a hard enough time trusting our therapist to help us and seeing posts that make them seem as if they are not following their own teaching. No offnse to your question but you did tell every one you were a therapist and that puts you in a bind. My own opinon here probably not anyone elses.

(((lulu))) I'm so sorry that your psychiatrist has crossed a boundary that should never have been crossed. You know you need to not only change doctors, but talk to the new one about how to go about acting on this breach of trust. Even if you think it's ok for yourself, you need to change doctors and help make sure it won't happen to another patient in the future, right?

It's very unfortunate that some people are unable to discipline themselves in the best interest of their patient. This behavior is not acceptable, and it's not good that you have been involved in such an event.

I'm sure you are dealing with really mixed emotions right now, because who wouldn't want their doctor to truly "love" them? Everyone wants someone to care about them, and especially someone they have shared secrets with and faults too. But when we become vulnerable by doing that, it's so very important for the doctor to keep that trust, or they will ruin lives and reputation of the profession. How many patients that will negatively affect!

Please do what is in your own best interest...go against the desire to continue with this doctor, and immediately seek help with another, who will help you work through not only this, but the feelings that arise because of it.

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Sometimes I get scared when I see people who are therapists asking questions like that because they should know that is wrong and not have to have people who are clients and vulnerable answer them

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I think that people who announce that they are therapists in posts should be careful about what they post because some of us have a hard enough time trusting our therapist to help us and seeing posts that make them seem as if they are not following their own teaching

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I am glad someone mentioned this. I've been thinking about this thread all evening and I agree with what you have said. If a person makes it known they are a therapist and is employed, I think they need to be careful as to what they say.

Trusting a T to know what they are doing is oh so important to me. Yes, I know therapists are people too and they have problems just like the rest of us folks. A real "trust" issue surfaced with this thread when it comes to Ts. But then it is also good seeing a T can be vulnerable and not always know the answers.. Just for me and I am just a small part of the folks here, it is oh so very important, should I ever try therapy again, to know the T has his/her feel more grounded than me.

I am not trying to be disrespectful of the original poster. Just seems a little concerned, because I want to believe that a T that I "might" see knows for sure what they are doing and not playing with my head or just wanting the $ or even more messed up than what I might be,, shrugs shoulders

(To answer the question if any of my Ts ever kissed me on the lips, I would have to say NO... But I can say a T blurted out that we could never have sex together and I was shocked, hurt and angry that he would even think I would want to have sex with him. And believe it or not, he knew I had issues with sex and had problems with being "touched" in any manner. Being a friendly touch or a romantic touch. What an ego he had to have even said such an awful thing to me. Only shows to me he either had an inflated ego or he didn't know what he was doing/ Although, he eagerly collected my cash weekly....... shudders at how stupid i was

Therapist or not first and foremost this is a support site. They obviously needed support not questioned.

When someone is seeing a doctor, therapist, or any caregiver, they are putting complete trust in that person and putting themselves in a totally vulnerable position. When that trust is broken, it can be extremely confusing, whether you are a therapist, doctor, or rocket scientist. On some level it is obvious that such conduct is inappropriate but it is hard to accept the fact that someone you trusted to help you has betrayed you.

LuLu - his behavior is completely unacceptable. I think it is good that he acknowledged that - maybe it was truly a terrible mistake and he was not intending to take advantage of you. I think it needs to be addressed - do you have a T you can talk to about it? I'm sorry this happened to you.
take care,

ktgirl

Unethical.

*Big alarm bells ringing here!*

LuLu, it makes no difference to me if you are a therapist or a lumber jack for that matter. You might have opened a can of worms with your post and everybodies feeling about therapists, but the most important thing on my mind is how are you dealing with all this? (Well, I am also concerned about how everybody is dealing with this.) Not only were you violated by somebody who should have been able to trust to watch out for your best interest, you have met a bit of...well resistance here. I am not judging anybody in a negative way concerning their reaction about this. We all have our own issues about therapists. I think everybody here needs support concerning this matter. Not just, LuLu...all of us could use a little compassion and understanding about our feelings concerning therapists. Issues of trust are not easy especially when we are all so vulnerable. Well, when we choose to make ourselves vulnerable to another human who is suppose to respect and honor our trust. Being vulnerable is not a weakness--it can be a strength---making yourself vulnerable can be difficult, but it can also be very rewarding...if the person you trust is ethical. Having our trust broken can be devastating and make it really difficult to trust others. So, it is always good to approach it with caution concerning how we word things...how others might feel about it Flat out, I would smack my therapist (pdoc) if he ever kissed me Of course, that does not stop my feelings of transference that make me want to have him kiss me more than anything else in the world. Sometimes, I hang on every word he says like it is the last word I will ever hear. But, I know it is safe for me to allow myself those feelings because I know he is ethical and he will never breach my trust.I know those feelings are about me and my issues, not really love for him. Lulu, I am sorry you do not have that relationship with your therapist. And, everybody here who struggles to trust their therapist I hope you can someday get to the point you are able to trust as much as I trust my pdoc. And, I hope everybody is met with the same professionalism, compassion and respect that I have been lucky enough to receive. I don't think therapists are supper human, but they are given a special gift of trust and accepting this gift requires that they hold themselves to higher standards than well, my auto mechanic. Lulu, your therapist should not be a therapist. He is a danger to you and maybe to other patients. It is people like him that make some us question the motives of every therapist and every single thing they do or say. It is people like him that cause all this pain and turmoil. LuLu, I feel for you--you are in a tight spot. It must be difficult to be a therapist and to be a patient and to be a member here on PC...it seems like that would cause some inner conflict. I hope you are able to deal with this in such a way you grow from the experience. I hope all of us can somehow grow from this....

he said 'i'm sorry i shouldn't have done that'

no he shouldn't just my opinion......

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pinksoil said:
Definitely not. I have never had a T or pdoc kiss me, not even on the cheek. I have never had a pdoc hug me. My first T (female) hugged me on our termination day. My current T holds my hand when I am dissociating or extremely upset. He taps my knees during EMDR. A kiss on the lips is way out of line.

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Absolutely, and I think it's fairly obvious that a kiss on the lips (or anywhere else for that matter), is completely inappropriate. The therapist should be reported to the state licensing board, and therapy should end with that T immediately, no followup appointment and no discussion with the T in question.

It's not just ethics at stake here, but also the emotional well-being of the person as a patient. Does it happen to anyone else? Well, yes-- and that is why there are written rules against it.

I wanted to add that yes, there have been many people claiming to be (I can't know for sure) therapists and also having untoward thoughts or activities (supposedly) with their own therapists. There probably has been a build up of emotions within the individual readers here from reading all the conflicting posting in this arena. However, let's put this in perspective and be very careful to not "unload" those built-up emotions onto Lulu.

She does deserve just as much support as anyone else. This is a terrible, unacceptable action on the part of someone she trusted. That trust is broken. Most all of us know how devastating that feels. Doctors as a whole first agree to "do no harm." Lulu, imo, has been harmed and needs our earnest advice and support for what she's going through. (You know, there might also be an element of a therapist in therapy feeling they are trained and "it won't happen to them." So this is also a harsh realization of how human we all are.)

Threads like this drive me nuts because before you know whats happened, all touch with a therapist is being condemned. Someone said that a kiss, no matter where it was, is innappropriate. What a lot of rubbish. My T kisses me on the cheek, shes a woman and obviously I am too. There is nothing sexual about it, its an expression of genuine love from one person to another. It just bugs me the way we always seem to end up throwing the baby out with the bath water. I dont know if its different in the USA, but things are very different here in the UK. I actually touch my therapist and she touch us back. We hug, hold, she kisses my cheek and guess what, when ive been really upset she has pulled me in close and stroked my hair.

A kiss on the lips is bang out of order, but lets not start deciding that all touch is wrong

To answer your question: No.
And I am glad to be able to answer that with a No.
I'm sorry this happened to you.

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having untoward thoughts or activities (supposedly) with their own therapists

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Just curious about the "untoward thoughts" statement. How would you define this Sky?

Personally, I believe that you have a obligation to report this doc to the AMA in order to protect his other patients - some of them are certainly more vulnerable and naive than yourself.

Slippers

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allthegirls6 said:
Threads like this drive me nuts because before you know whats happened, all touch with a therapist is being condemned. Someone said that a kiss, no matter where it was, is innappropriate. What a lot of rubbish. My T kisses me on the cheek, shes a woman and obviously I am too. There is nothing sexual about it, its an expression of genuine love from one person to another. It just bugs me the way we always seem to end up throwing the baby out with the bath water. I dont know if its different in the USA, but things are very different here in the UK. I actually touch my therapist and she touch us back. We hug, hold, she kisses my cheek and guess what, when ive been really upset she has pulled me in close and stroked my hair.

A kiss on the lips is bang out of order, but lets not start deciding that all touch is wrong

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In America, kissing with your psychologist ANYWHERE, male or female, is absolutely unethical. We don't kiss people in standard greeting here like France does, and even if we did it wouldn't be with our psychologists, or any other healthcare provider. You don't express love in that volatile way with a psychologist in North America, Canada included. I'm not even so sure that it's standard practice in UK either, but rest assured I will look it up.

FYI--- you are a female, and your T is a female. Barring homosexuality, it is much less likely for the "kiss" to be sexualized or taken in a way it wasn't meant to. However, in the situation in question, the patient was a female and the PDOC/T was a male. Quite a different scenario.

I don't believe that any of us said that "all touch is wrong" as you seem to believe.
Quite frankly, your post gives me the heebie jeebies.