Today was my 1st session back, after 19 days, and after losing my Daddy.

The first thing I did was show him that I was wearing my Dad's watch. He asked if he could see it. I handed it to him and he held it and looked at it for a little while.

Much of the session was spent in silence, just grieving together. Nothing had to be said.

I expressed some of my throughts and emotions. He asked if I felt like describing the funeral to him, which I did.

I shed more tears in that one session than I have in the three years I have been seeing him.

He gently let me know that it was getting close to the end of the session. He pulled his chair close to me and said, "Give me your hand."

He held my hand with both of his. We looked into each others eyes, and he softly said, "The pain and hurt will always be there, but it will change. I don't know exactly how, or when, but it will change." He had tears in his eyes.

He encouraged me to go back to work and told me that I have a lot of people out there who need me.

I see T again on Wednesday.

I am going back to work and school tomorrow. I spent nearly all day with my doctoral studies. My life has been tossed upside down, but I can live with that, and work with it while it is upside down and all over the place.

I am not going to say that I'm not severely depressed... because I am. I feel like someone has put their hand in my body and ripped a piece of it out. I am feel empty and sometimes I don't want to go on.

I question the significant of relationships when they result in this type of pain.

I love my T. He did not say anything that would be perceived as generic or fake. He was so genuine today. He recognized the devastation of my loss and sat with me through it, and felt the pain along with me.

[pegasus]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((( pink )))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so glad T was able to just "be" with you, and to give you what you needed. He is awesome

And I'm glad he encouraged you to get back into your work and your studies. I know it will be hard, but I'm so proud of you for doing it.

Be gentle with yourself. T is right, it will change, eventually. But it hurts right now.

Take care of you.

[bipolar_bear]

I am so glad you had such a healing time with your T. He really is so awesome for you. I am glad that he encouraged you to return to work and school. I am so glad you are giving yourself the time to heal.

BB

[Behindthecouch]

Wow that's amazing. I'm sorry you've had a rough time but at least you are lucky enough to have an amazing therapist - it's so hard to find a good one who understands what you need! I hope things get better soon.
BTC.x

[Sannah]

What a wonderful session....

[Slippers]

He's been a good T for you, and he has been a good mentor. How he made your dad's watch feel special, and even sacred...that's important. That's important from the standpoint of Pink the patient and Pink the T. You felt how much it meant to you that he held it , and took time with it. You know how much doing that with a client in the future will mean. Photos, watches...whatever...letting a client know that some object is as sacred to you as it is to them...that's major. I've felt that moment with a rock once.

I'm glad you have him to help you through this.

Huge, ginormous, magniflourus hugs to you.

Slippers

[Kiya]

((((((((pink)))))))))))
yeah, the pain never really goes away, but it does change. it is surreal for a long, long time. your t is awesome.

[tulips30]

Pink,

I understand grief. There truly is nothing like it. Your description of how it feels physically is so on the mark. The only thing I can say is that the intensity of it does SLOWLY dissipate. Other feelings begin to fill in.

Right now, the important thing for you is to try and keep things as normal as possible and to be SO easy on yourself. Don't judge yourself for any of the feelings you have. You have my deepest sympathy. I know your Dad held a huge spot in your heart.

tulips

[Razzleberry]

You are so lucky to have found a great therapist. I'm glad you had a good session.