Sucking up to T?

Lately I feel like I've been sucking up to my T. I always seem to be agreeing with her, thanking her, telling her how wonderful she is. Sheesh! That's not like me. I'm usually sarcastic and combative. What's going on with me? Why am I doing this? Maybe I'm still afraid of just being me. Or maybe it's that she's so positive that I feel I have to respond in kind. I just don't want to be like this with my T. It doesn't feel real. Anyone else experience anything like this with your T?

sometimes i feel like i have to force myself to do those things because i got in the habit very early on of telling her everything she was doing "wrong" in my therapy...and i realized once i started telling her things i liked, telling her the things that bothered me became a lot easier and she listened more.

My advice is, say what you feel. Don't hold back, esp to your T. They of all people are not afraid of feelings. If you can't be honest with your T, then you can't be honest with yourself. which means you can't be honest with everyone else. Open up to your T, it feels great.

I think that this would be a GREAT topic to discuss with your T. There is so much we can learn about ourselves and how we relate to other people just in that relationship.

(((((((((((((((((((( internettie ))))))))))))))))))))) I hope you will bring it up with her!

EM!..I KNOW you are probably right but... How do you have a conversation like that?

T: "So what is on your mind today?"
Patient: "Well, I have been a bit concerned because...Well I feel like I have been really trying to kiss your *** a lot lately ... I've become a real fan...and can't stop praising all the wonderful, caring, thoughtful, ..., work you are doing....and i want to know...Is this normal?"

Good luck with that opening line internettie!

Maybe you are just feeling the positive energy that goes along with someone who is actually listening and responding positively to you. You could be a little intoxicated by it at the moment. I would ride it out and see if you accommodate to it. At some point she will likely piss you off and you will realize again that she is simply human. Then you can become her sarcastic cheerleader.

lololol

okay, i see your point chaotic

chaotic, that made me laugh out loud. Glad I wasn't drinking something - it would have come right out my nose. I think I do need to talk to her about it in some way though, like earthmama suggested.

Here's the thing, being this nice isn't me at all. It feels phony. I've been thinking about it tonight and I think that I'm actually feeling critical and reacting the total opposite to hide how I really feel. Does that make sense? I just want to be the best patient, the most compliant patient that my T has so she doesn't find out that I don't think she's perfect. I work hard on my individual and group therapy homework like I'm trying to impress her somehow. Argh!

I guess I could write out how I'm feeling just to get the thoughts organized and see if it would make sense to talk to her or just ride it out. I know I'm in there because I have anger issues, but I think I'm afraid to show that side to my T at this point.

I see her tomorrow night at group. I don't know how I'll feel seeing her after making these realizations. I just don't want her to know that I'm a grumpy person 'in real life'.

I appreciate the responses. It's good to know that other people can relate to what's going on with me.

This is what I was talking about when I replied to the thread you had written about having sent those song lyrics too T...and everyone else just says "oh how nice you are" which of course you are, as we all are, but I I mentinoned that I had always felt growing up that I Had to keep my adoptive mother in a good mood and felt it was my to regulate HER feelings and found I was doing this with T ..... thats when I said just a "thank you" was enought...as an adults, it really is enought and for you to be able to question yourself like this is a big step and shows the "adult" you is wanting to up front now!...its all good! dont worry ...I've often addresssed this sort of thing by saying things like " i want to be more adult when I'm with you, but I always feel so childish",...your very self aware internettie and thats important for therapy!!!

Yeah this is the way I feel too.

In my head at home I have totally different kinds of interractions with T, that are more "me". I strive to be more myself there too. We know this.

There also was one time I laid the praise on thick in a session that began with me being very angry with her. We talked about it next session, discussing the previous one. T: "I noticed that you were being very complimentary to me.." lol. So obvious I was afraid of being angry with her and that her reaction would be anger so I was trying to divert that.

I also told her last session, talking about my fears of being myself with her that include my fear of me own anger, that my anger feels so ugly in comparison to her lovely gentle nature. The gentleness is one of the things I just sit there and absorb and absorb and it feels sooo good and I don't want to disrupt it. I had a dream since of being in the room and something violent happening outside the room that we could hear. It was a huge commotion, banging and shouting. I was terrified. She was calm. I was frantic that she was calm. She sat in her chair being calm and I pushed the big old couch over to block the door. lol I ain't letting that anger in for nothin'. Yet.

Yes, I agree with the others. Talk to T about it. It's interesting and it's what's on your mind.

Echoes what an interesting dream!

Internettie, you got a lot of interesting feedback here to possibly help you to figure out what is going on. This is really great that you realized this. This is exactly how I got better - noticing how I reacted and behaved in relationships...