Help CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT MY THERAPIST....

Hello to all, I have been seeing my therapist now for about six months she is great we talk as if we are friends share info about girly stuff and recipes. With that said I am having a serious problems I can’t stop thinking about my therapist I thought talking about my feeling about would help but all she does is blush and all smile and tell how much she likes me and it is a normal feeling but I think it happing too much…I even fined myself having conversation with her in my mind.. I don’t know what to do. At my last session I told her I want to see a different therapist because I need to talk about my issues’ and I can’t talk to her because I fear she will not like me any more because some of the things may sound too crazy. She also say that it will happen again with the new therapist so we should just work it out..HELP HELP what should I do. I really like her as a person nothing more. And I want to keep it that way so maybe later on we can exchange contact info.

I vote for working out what your problem with your therapist so that you can talk to her about the things you need to talk about. That is what therapy is all about, and don't worry about sounding crazy. Therapists have heard plenty of stuff before. It's her job to help you with that stuff, not to be your friend. Sometimes chat is okay to help you to develop a trusting relationship, but it doesn't change that the therapist is there to help you with your problems. It's okay if you talk to her in your mind too (I do that too), but keep that straight so you don't think you told her something when you only did in your mind (I think I get confused that way sometimes). Conversation in your mind, as long as you know you are generating it, just means you are learning to trust her and open up to her.

before I reply to this, i just want to share with you that i was and still am in the same place you are. I am a female with a female therapist who i really like and would like being friends with. I've had the same thoughts you've had and you can probably see it if you look at some of my posts. my most recent one to be exact.

The fact is, however, therapists and clients are not meant to be friends. It is unethical for the therapist to get emotionally involved with a client because that could cause her to make emotional decisions that are not neccissarily the best decisions. Also, if the therapist "took home" all her clients and their problems she would drown. Her work and personal life needs to be kept separate. That being said, it is a total one-sided relationship. Friendships are not. Your therapist is right, the same thing will probably happen with a different therapist because there is a reason you are seeking this kind of relationship. Going in to therapy should be about YOU, not you and your therapist. The point of therapy is to move on and have a healthy life without the need of your therapist. Therapist's don't judge, so don't worry about her "liking" you. It is their job not to form a personal opinion about their clients. My advice is to work this out with your therapist. Why are you seeking this relationship knowing there are boundaries? Do you not have a support system outside of therapy? Why is the relationship with your therapist important, instead of what should be important- you. Is this a way of distracting yourself from difficult things you could be talking about with your therapist?

All these questions are worth exploring. Since you already have such a close relationship with your T, she is the perfect person to explore this with. It is normal to wonder about your therapist outside of the office, because there is a limitation as to how much you can know about her. So of course you would be curious. However, it shouldn't run your life.

Think about it. And I will try taking my own advice, too.

wow...krazibean...that was a great reply....couldnt add anything to it

I do this to sometimes. I think it initially started because I was having so much trouble actually speaking to her. It was kind of practicing giving a lecture/presentation. Then it turned into a way of processing stuff that surfaces between sessions. Initially these mental conversations really freaked me out... thought I was obsessing over therapy, but after I stop judging it I realized I have mental conversations with a lot of people in my life. Athlete use mental imagery as a way of rehearsing and getting themselves ready for success on game day. I use it as a way of practicing success in things out in therapy.

Hey, I agree with Krazibean, it's not a fun thing to go through but it happens to a lot of people and especially, apparently, with the female/female client/therapist relationship - maybe because of the whole mother/daughter bond?.

It is best to stay with this therapist and work through it with her. It's important that you work through the kinds of reactions you have in the relationship with her so that you can function better in other relationships in "the real world". Of course, if your therapist won't/can't work through the feelings with you and you aren't making any progress then its not the best thing to stay in that kind of state in the long term she will be aware of this and should be professional enough to refer you to someone else.

I know it feels like you are going crazy at the time but there are a lot of people who have experienced similar experiences and lived to tell the tale - maybe have a look at Consuming psychotherapy by ann france or Folie a Deux by rosie alexander.

Hope this helps

BTC

Hi! I think that you might like her alot because you can be more open with her than anyone else. My old therapist barely listened to me when I would talk about my problems and concerns. She would kind of sit there and look at me but then I had to repeat everything that I told her. But if it bothers you then talk with her about it. She, nine times out of ten, has had that problem before. Don't worry about her thinking you are crazy.

I told my therapist abouy my feelings for her and she ended up terminating me....then again Im a male and I think she was intimidated by my somewhat sarchastic sexual references....

it's been four months since our break-up and I admit I am still infatuated with her and think about her more than I should....I haven't a clue on how Im supposed to erase her from my thoughts....everyone says to find a new therapist and talk to him/her about these feelings.....then again cant the same thing happen with a new therapist?

Hi,

Just wanted to add my support for you. I do have a question... Is this your first therapist? When I went to my first therapist I had the same thoughts and feelings you are having. Wanting to be with him, thinking we are friends. I really didn't get alot of work done. It wasn't until years later that I realized I don't want to know about the therapist. I can only focus on myself. So when I went to my current T I told her I didn't want to know anything personal. That I wanted strict boundaries. I have been with her 15 months and I have done more healing than I did with my former T who I was with for 8 years.

Although, I sometimes think about her and would love to ask her questions or have a two sided relationship. I'm glad that we don't. Just for your information I'm working with a T with a psychoanalytical background and I believe they are really strict about personal information.

I guess what I'm trying to sum up here is that we don't know what to expect when we first start our journey. It would be great if we had a handbook.

Hope this makes sense.

it isn't really real.. the feelings you have for your therapist are coming from feelings you have deep inside for a relationship that was unfulfilled when you needed it. Most likely with a parent. It comes from way down inside and you aren't even consciously aware of the whole process. You need to follow that thread and solve the original problem or you will keep repeating this attachment with others. The need inside needs addressing, not the object of the need.

having said that, you can also have real feelings too.. strong ones even.. but those ones make sense whereas those NEED feelings won't make sense to you.. as you described.

i love my t.. innocent, nonsexual, genuine love. i have those other need feelings too.. dwell.. etc. But i can see the difference. He is genuine with me and he cares about me.. that's why i love him. i don't think i ever really experienceed love quite this way before and it is healing and i am learning.

try to look at the two sets of feelings