[happysappy]

I have been working with the most wonderful T, but I feel I need to terminate due to them not being helpful. It is a long story, but his memory has suffered after an illness, and it is like he doesn't remember much of what we worked on a year prior to his illness. It breaks my heart, he was the first one to ever give me unconditional positive regard, and it felt so good.

I have found a T I am meeting with this week to see if she is a good fit, but I am having trouble with how to tell my current T how grateful I am for the good work we have done, but yet in a sense I am firing him.

My last session was so hard because I brought up this problem for the 2nd time and he was somewhat resistant to believing me. He said it was my perception that was off, I was looking for something wrong after his illness. That could be partly true, but the stuff he forgot, after working together every week was major stuff, not just minor stuff. Ex. what I am going to school for, (psych), and he even said he would consider being my mentor when I go to graduate school. Well if he forgot I am even a psych student, he surely doesn't remember saying he would be my mentor. This is so hard to do, but I know I have to do what is best for me.
So I am wondering if anyone else had this happen to them.

[bipolar_bear]

I have never gone through that but wanted you to know I understand how hard this must be for you. You are right you need to do what is best for you. I am sorry you are having to deal with this.

BB

[missboots]

I would feel bad about finding someone new so I would just tell him that you are gonna take a break from therapy for a while. I know others will disagree but I have a hard time hurting someones feelings. ESP when he has helped you and maybe he knows he has a problem and is scared to admit it. Being sick is hard enough but to loose your memory must be very hard. ESP when it is your job and livelyhood! He went to school for years for this and for him to just go get another job is hard. ESP one with the same pay etc.. Any way this is only my thoughts. Best of luck.

[happysappy]

Thanks BB,

I just wish I could have a good termination, my first T was unethical and I fired him (1 1/2 yrs ago), and then with this T, his illness is forcing me to move one. I am just wondering if the termination process is just a myth.
I meet with a new T this week, and she is willing to work with me in this transition. What is insane is that I am still working out the hurt from the first T, and now I add another one. Thanks for your support BB.

Originally Posted by bipolar_bear

I have never gone through that but wanted you to know I understand how hard this must be for you. You are right you need to do what is best for you. I am sorry you are having to deal with this.

BB

[happysappy]

HI Miss Boots (love your name)

He is also 66 and was continuing to work because he wanted to, because he felt he could still do some good for people. So now what I notice, could be the end of him doing what he loves the most. It was so hard to tell him in the first place. I guess I don't have anymore appointments right now, maybe fading away would be okay, I doubt he will even notice I am gone.

Originally Posted by missboots

I would feel bad about finding someone new so I would just tell him that you are gonna take a break from therapy for a while. I know others will disagree but I have a hard time hurting someones feelings. ESP when he has helped you and maybe he knows he has a problem and is scared to admit it. Being sick is hard enough but to loose your memory must be very hard. ESP when it is your job and livelyhood! He went to school for years for this and for him to just go get another job is hard. ESP one with the same pay etc.. Any way this is only my thoughts. Best of luck.

I really don't know the right thing to do in this situation....but if you are just going to kind of "fade away"...maybe send a nice letter telling him all of the good things about working with him, the way he has helped you, the things you've learned, how you've grown?? The situation now, even though it's really sad and hard, doesn't negate all of the hard work leading up to this point.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this....it sounds really hard.

[happysappy]

Maybe there is not right or wrong way to handle this way, I just need to do what is best for me, whatever that is. I think I will send a letter, I know he saves all his letters from his clients in a basket on top of his filling cabinet.

Originally Posted by earthmama

I really don't know the right thing to do in this situation....but if you are just going to kind of "fade away"...maybe send a nice letter telling him all of the good things about working with him, the way he has helped you, the things you've learned, how you've grown?? The situation now, even though it's really sad and hard, doesn't negate all of the hard work leading up to this point.

I'm sorry you have to deal with this....it sounds really hard.

[Kiya]

I didn't quit exactly, but stopped having the means to pay... and never went back. She is dealing with MS and it is hard for me to be there and focus on ME when I can tell that things are troubling HER like her balance, migraines, or she's having an off day. I can tell energetically, and also i am the type of empath that can actually take on the illness of a person I care about (to take it from them so they are Ok)... so you can see that this was not a good situation for me to be in.

[happysappy]

Yeah, why does therapy have to be so hard? He still hasn't called me after last weeks session, and he didn't even notice I wasn't at my appointment today. If feels like the T I know has died.

Originally Posted by Kiya

I didn't quit exactly, but stopped having the means to pay... and never went back. She is dealing with MS and it is hard for me to be there and focus on ME when I can tell that things are troubling HER like her balance, migraines, or she's having an off day. I can tell energetically, and also i am the type of empath that can actually take on the illness of a person I care about (to take it from them so they are Ok)... so you can see that this was not a good situation for me to be in.

[winterbaby]

Depending what the illness is, yes memory can be affected. And I don't know how old your T is but with older people in general sometimes they are in denial about their loss of memory, hearing, etc. I know people who still won't wear a hearing aid even though their hearing is almost gone. It is a sad situation but if they don't remember what you said, you are right that is not being helpful. If you do terminate, you can know you are doing the right thing for you. It is not that you don't care about the T and you can tell them how much you care. But this a professional you are paying for their services and you are the consumer, you need to get the highest quality of service for yourself. I know it sounds detached but it's true isn't it?

[happysappy]

Thanks Wintebaby,

I think as time goes on, I am feeling more comfortable about my decision. It makes me wonder how people deal with loved ones with Alzheimer. I know I am not his daughter, but if it is painful as a client, I can't imagine what it would feel if I really was. Now I don't think he has this, but never less his memory is effected, and maybe it will come back. But since I don't know that, and I have to do what is best for me. Maybe he can get away with it with some clients, but for me we were intense trauma therapy, and he has forgotten so much. Thanks for your support. I meet with my new T tomorrow, wish me luck!

Originally Posted by winterbaby

Depending what the illness is, yes memory can be affected. And I don't know how old your T is but with older people in general sometimes they are in denial about their loss of memory, hearing, etc. I know people who still won't wear a hearing aid even though their hearing is almost gone. It is a sad situation but if they don't remember what you said, you are right that is not being helpful. If you do terminate, you can know you are doing the right thing for you. It is not that you don't care about the T and you can tell them how much you care. But this a professional you are paying for their services and you are the consumer, you need to get the highest quality of service for yourself. I know it sounds detached but it's true isn't it?

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