[Wreck]

Hi everyone,

I've been in therapy for about 9 months now, and I'm still having trouble opening up to my T. I find myself only wanting to talk about the good stuff that happened in my week and only about those aspects of my week that make me look best. I can't get into my weaknesses or those things that I'm ashamed of. I even sometimes tell little lies to make myself look better.

I think this is really harming my therapy. It creates distance from my T and keeps me from working through the things that are really bothering me.

For example, I have a co-worker who is very competitive with me. She's younger and, no question, good at her job and I like to think that I wish her no ill will. But she's always trying to best me in everything that I do. It makes me very self-conscious at work and constantly on edge. I haven't discussed this with my T at all because I'm afraid that she will think that I'm being defensive and I'm ashamed that I let this situation get to me. I feel like I should be strong enough to deal with it and if I'm not than I'm not good at my job.

Almost every week I go into therapy unable to talk about the thing that is most stressing me out because it is the thing that I'm most ashamed of. I feel weak for not being able to handle my day -to-day stressors and don't want her to see me that way.

Does anyone else struggle with this?

[winterbaby]

Yes very much, I think it's hard to let ourT's see all of us, the outside and the inside. I think it comes with time but try little things at first, try opening up your vulnerable side and start with small things and see how she reacts. you will likely get a feeling of acceptance and that can help you open up to talk more about what's really on your mind.

[darkrunner]

((((((Wreck)))))

I know what you mean, I felt the same about my T.

Have you talked to your T about doing this?
That might be a good place to start.
Best wishes,
ktgirl

[chaotic13]

I'm continually dealing with this issue also--afraid to share the thoughts that plague my thinking for fear that my T will then know how warped I really am. I avoid things that make me look bad or disturbed Which is totally ridiculous because: 1) after over a years worth of appointments...she kind of already knows... 2) that's what I'm paying her to listen to.

All I can say is just keep trying. My progress has been very slow in this regard.. but progress none the less. If you have a good T and are really trying to engage... the darker areas of you will eventually be shared.

[Sannah]

Wreck, what are you really afraid of here? If you can deal with that then it will clear the path for you.