[krazibean]

I have a little dilemma. I really want to tell T that i love her. (female/female intimate way) I want to be able to say it... TO HER FACE. i have said it in writing before but we've never discussed it. I want to tell her, either in person or on the phone, that i'm missing her.

So why don't i just say it? well usually the response to "i love you" or "i miss you" is i love you or i miss you too. But this relationship is different. Also i'm really afriad of getting into the boundaries/limitations and all that of our relationship. I already know all (well, most) of them, and i don't need that conversation again of her saying that she can't give me what i need, that i need to seek out others, blah blah. I've heard it. All i want to say is, "I love you." And I want her to respond in a way like, "I care about you and love you too, but its a different kind of love." something like that. not, "why would you feel you love me, you don't even know me." or i dont want her to sit and look at me like, "ok what do you want me to say to that."

I really miss her sometimes. I want to be able to SAY it, without beating around the bush like i usually say..."I want to connect with you.... I've been struggling getting through the time between sessions..." I just want to say it. I'm missing you T. and i want that to be ok

Has anyone ever said (in person or on the phone, not writing) that you love or miss your T? If so, what were their responses? Do you think i should bring it up and risk getting hurt? I've told her enough in writing that i love her- both directly and indirectly. I want to say it and have it out there. I want to say, "you are a big part of my life, and i honestly and truly love you."

I'm scared. I miss her. Please help me.

I do think I've told T that I love him. I'm finding it weird right now that I don't know for sure...but I'm pretty dissociative in session sometimes. I seem to remember saying something along the lines of "I....you know......uh........love you" T has told me that he loves me. And I DO think we love each other, in that special, therapy kind of way....it's such an intimate relationship, it seems hard to avoid.

I've definitely told him that I miss him, and that I need to connect with him.

T and I have found that sometimes it's time to talk about boundaries, and sometimes it's NOT time. Sometimes, we just need to be there in that moment, knowing that the boundaries are there, but not having to talk about them. So I can understand the fear of her starting to talk about boundaries when you are really just wanting to express your love and gratitude towards her.

This sounds like something you feel really strongly about. Are you scared she won't say that she loves you back?

[krazibean]

Originally Posted by earthmama

I do think I've told T that I love him. I'm finding it weird right now that I don't know for sure...but I'm pretty dissociative in session sometimes. I seem to remember saying something along the lines of "I....you know......uh........love you" T has told me that he loves me. And I DO think we love each other, in that special, therapy kind of way....it's such an intimate relationship, it seems hard to avoid.

I've definitely told him that I miss him, and that I need to connect with him.

T and I have found that sometimes it's time to talk about boundaries, and sometimes it's NOT time. Sometimes, we just need to be there in that moment, knowing that the boundaries are there, but not having to talk about them. So I can understand the fear of her starting to talk about boundaries when you are really just wanting to express your love and gratitude towards her.

This sounds like something you feel really strongly about. Are you scared she won't say that she loves you back?

yes. I'm afraid she will not say it back and then lecture me on why i don't "really" love her or why its not rational or something. that would shut me down. i really need her to be receptive and respond.

[sunrise]

It's hard to let them know directly how much we care. But I am sure your T already knows, even if you haven't told her outright. Maybe you could start with "I missed you" as it might be less scary to say that than "I love you." See how that goes and that might help determine your next step.

"why would you feel you love me, you don't even know me."

Has she said that to you before? Ouch! I can understand why if you got this response before, you would not want to risk it. I guess you have to ask yourself, if you know this is how she will respond, do the benefits of expressing your true feelings outweigh getting this sort of response?

Once after not having seen my T for a few weeks, I entered his office, plopped down onto his couch, and sat there looking at him. I felt so happy to be back with him, and I just said what I was feeling: "it feels so good to be here," and he responded, "I missed you too."

I can't remember if I've told him I loved him or not, but I think I might have. He knows. I think he's told me in kind. It's strange that I am uncertain about this but I think it has occurred. When the positive emotions get really strong between us, I can start to dissociate. But I do know that I feel love back from him, even if we don't say it all the time.

I'm scared. I miss her. Please help me.

Maybe this would be a good starting point with T.

[missboots]

After reading her e mail to you I think she knows you lover her and she cares deeply for you!

[krazibean]

which email?

[krazibean]

thanks missboots i needed to read that again.

[MINIME]

This is to me easy. I always tell my T's I love them. They have never said I love u to, but I know they do. They always say I care about you alot. I tell them almost every day I love them. Mt reg T says I am one of the most loving people she has ever met. I love them alot. I love people though. I think at first my t's were a little puzzeled. Then they got to know me and they see that I just love. I love people. I told my reg T once I love you and I dont expect anything in return. I love them because they are good human beings. I can see where the rules and boudries come in place to protect clients but its almost impossiable for me to not love someone.

[krazibean]

So does anyone have advice about how i should go about telling her? I guess there is no easy way except to spit it out. oh geeze...

Originally Posted by krazibean

Has anyone ever said (in person or on the phone, not writing) that you love or miss your T? If so, what were their responses? Do you think i should bring it up and risk getting hurt? I've told her enough in writing that i love her- both directly and indirectly. I want to say it and have it out there. I want to say, "you are a big part of my life, and i honestly and truly love you."

I haven't so I don't have any good advice on how to do it, except wait for a point that feels natural in the conversation rather than forcing yourself to do it before you're ready.

As to whether you should, I would also be worried about feeling hurt/not getting the answer that I was looking for. I would think about how I would feel if I didn't get the response I was looking for (I would probably feel rejected and that would be a big problem for me -- maybe not worth the risk). It sounds like you've told her before in writing, so she already knows. What is different for you about saying it in person? That you'll get more of a live response? Maybe there's another way to get her to say how she feels about you, without putting so much on the table? I don't know...just thinking about how I would handle it.

If you're sure you to want to say something, go for it. While she may not say exactly what you want, she probably already knows how you feel and will at least say something supportive ("you're really brave to tell me how you feel" or something -- mine likes that one )

Good luck!