valuable therapy tool

i've got the most valuable thing ever... i bought a digital recorder, pocket size, cost about $100. i record every session now... with T's permission of course.

yes.. i do hate hearing my own voice, but i got used to that.

i get to hear all the things i didn't hear in session... the things that my mind garbled or that i was busy thinking of my response or whatever...

i get to hear what was actually said vs what my triggers tell me

i get to hear the tone T used.. how he said things

i get to hear what i say and how it might sound to someone else and what wording i used, tone, etc

i get to remind myself of things that cross my mind as we talked... things that are deeper threads

i listen and make notes and write and write and write. If i'd had this in other times i could have been spared a lot of pain.. bc i could have listend and fought back against the triggers.

beware though.. if you have a preoccupation with therapy or your therapist then it might result in a sort of compulsive behaviour.. and that won't help anything.

the last thing though... is i have T's voice.. like a transitional object... i can hear him when i need someone to be there... i use it as a tool so that i can work through some pain/anxiety myself without needing to call him

i hope it can make as much difference to someone else as it has to me

cheers

Wow, you are brave. I'm glad this is working for you. I don't think I could handle it though.

I save T's voice on my phone for emergencies!

LOL

That sounds too scary for me right NOW - but I think it is such an awesome idea if it helps you between sessions.

Good idea

why do you two think it is scary? im really curious

"beware though.. if you have a preoccupation with therapy or your therapist then it might result in a sort of compulsive behaviour.. and that won't help anything."

yes, this is what I think I would end up doing. I already re-read emails to the point of memorizing them just to be SURE what I said, what they said... but I think it is still a good idea and am glad it works for you!!!

This is interesting.I find myself replaying my mental recording of the therapy session repeatedly.Most of the time these mental recording are very detailed, but on a few occasions this has failed me. It would have been nice to have an actual recording.Unfortunately, I would likely obsess over them .

well.. the nice thing though is that an *actual* recording isn't subject to our filters and perceptions. We "remember" things being one way and maybe they were and maybe not. The recording simply "is."

and kiya.. me too, totally.. the voicemails.. i listened to them every night for months. They made me feel safe. But now.. i don't know.. i find this different somehow. i do listen to them over quite a lot, but not compulsively. i can't help it though when he says one of those heart-into-puddle comments. i'm a total sap then... but once i get my jollies from just the hearing of it.. i start listening. Even in those things that make my heart feel lighter... i start thinking of why that is the case, not what he is doing but why it matters to get that from a total stranger... and i learn about myself.

I think it would be scary for me because I dissociate a lot in session and tell him things that I wouldn't normally be able to share. Even though I am kind of aware of what he knows, I definitely DEFINTELY don't want to hear it - and hear myself saying it. Ugh.

BUT! There are some sessions that it would be really nice to have a record of. I guess I just never know what's going to happen in session, so that's why the tape idea scares me.

I do love having T's voice to listen to over and over again...which is why he leaves me a voice mail after each session to listen to until the next one

Good for you, Candika! I bet that is very helpful and I wished now I had done that too.

Instead, T made me a tape. It was full of positive affirmations, some soothing-sounding messages about how strong I was, blah-blah-blah. Yuck. Phooey.

I took it home and listened to it once. It was freaky. It was like having T in my house, in my personal space.

Like, no matter where I went, there she was.

Too much for me, I gave it back to her.

I think if it was a two-way interaction like you and your T, Candika, it might not have felt so "invasive."

I know. I'm weird. I'm the "odd man out" when it comes to this stuff.

ohhh... VERY good point EM.. didn't think of that. Of course, if the session was recorded and T decided to give it to you or not..? Okay, i'll stop.. i'm just so HAPPY HAPPY about having the recordings myself.

i don't think you're weird at all orangey.. i can easily see that as an issue.

i'm going to make a seperate thread... i have happy and confusing news

thats a good idea Candika, it would be kinda scary and unhealthy for me though scary because i'll hear my own voice and unhealthy because i'll get obsessed lol i saved a message my T left me on my phone and listened to get every minute i had to delete it when I realized what was hapening. ps the message was her asking me to call to reschedule an appt.

For people who need the connection and T's voice, but feel like recording the session would be scary for whatever reason....maybe a VM from T? It's either a great idea, or I'm the most spoiled therapy patient in the world....or both! But it does help me a lot - it reassures me, it reminds me that he is there, and it gives me something to hang on to when things get hard.

Just another idea to throw out there...

I think I would like to hear an actual recording of 1 or 2 sessions, just because I question my own mental recordings of these sessions.

However, like EM mentioned I already worry a great deal about the stuff I remember disclosing and having a recording of it to beat myself up with would not be beneficial.

Like Orange Blossom... I do not think I would like having a recording of my T saying a bunch of cheerleading comments. I often times cringe when she complements or acknowledges something I've done well. I would feel stupid listing to something like this.

Now, honestly I think I would really like to have EM's voice mail option. My T wrote me a hand written message once. Although it wasn't some fancy incredibly insightful message...it affected me a great deal. I used to look at it a lot between sessions. In fact, I saw it today in my wallet and stopped and read it again. I know especially after last session, that I respond very differently to spoken words. I think having something to listen to once in a while might be helpful. But I would never have the guts to request something.