After a really stressful morning, I went to T and decided to sign to release for him to talk to Teacher T. A LOT of stuff comes up around this for me....that "they" will be connected instead of him and me, that I am "so sick" that they have to consult with each other, that somehow this is going to unravel the relationship I have with T.

I know he really heard me today - heard my fears, heard the things I feel like Teacher T needs to know, etc. He let me decide how to handle it. I signed the release and wrote things on there like "until I change my mind", etc. T laughed and said I could put whatever I wanted to on there.

Teacher T seems REALLY UNWILLING to hear parts of my story without getting the "clinical perspective" from T first. So, he told me he will tell her that I have Complex PTSD from childhood and early adult traumas, that boundaries are VERY important to me and that "earthmama gets to set the boundaries", andthat there are things I feel like she needs to know about my past and how that ties into my meditation practice. He is going to ask her why she is SO gung-ho on working with me as a therapist (because she is) - he thinks she probably connects with me and I seem like someone she would like to work with. He's going to talk to her tomorrow and then he promised he would call me and tell me everything that was said.

I was just out of my mind with stress and anxiety and anger this morning. And when I talked to T, he said HE felt confused about the situation, so he could totally imagine how I must be feeling. I was glad he "got it".

He told me he is protective of ME and that he will only tell her things for my benefit. And he left me a message and said that we are still "us" and that we will be very careful to keep it that way in this new triad - not "T and Teacher T" and me, but "T and Me" and teacher T. If that makes sense.

I think I feel like things are starting to make a little sense. I'm sure everything is falling into place as it is supposed to. But I told T it was like I was walking down this path with him and then someone jumped out at us and neither of us knew what to do. I feel like we know what to do now.

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((( earthmama ))))))))))))))
I can see why this situation would be very stressful. I am glad that your T really understood what you are feeling and is able to give you some comfort.

[splitimage]

((((earthmama)))

I can totally see why that would be very stressful. I'm really glad that your T is supporting you and will be respectful of your privacy when talking to the other T.

I know I get weirded out when my various dr.'s talk to each other - makes me feel like a case study instead of a person, but in my experience it's usually led to better care.

Hope everything goes well.

---splitimage

Originally Posted by splitimage

makes me feel like a case study instead of a person

YES! That's exactly what I said to T today.

I think he will be really careful about the whole thing, but it still feels strange.

[chaotic13]

I'm glad you feel comfortable about this arrangement.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by earthmama

Teacher T seems REALLY UNWILLING to hear parts of my story without getting the "clinical perspective" from T first.

That part would worry me. But it seems your T has given you really good assurances about what will and will not be shared. It sounds like he is going for the utmost transparency on what he talks about to Teacher T, and that can only help make this easier for you. I too like a lot of transparency (probably because my T does too). I hope the talk is helpful to Teacher T. When they talk, it's going to be that clinical/professional stuff, not an intense connection with each other. You have nothing to worry about! Your relationship with T is so strong, and remember, he said you can keep seeing him forever!

Originally Posted by sunrise

When they talk, it's going to be that clinical/professional stuff, not an intense connection with each other. You have nothing to worry about! Your relationship with T is so strong, and remember, he said you can keep seeing him forever!

LOL - I did tell him "but when you talk to her, you'll be connecting with HER instead of ME" and he said, but we won't be talking about HER.

They ARE good friends - used to work out of the same office, and obviously think the world of each other (gag)

I'm with you Sunny...I felt really weird that she wouldn't hear my past without the "clinical perspective" from T first. He actually scratched his head about that one too. But I know that she said she would make it her job to keep track of the boundaries between "teacher" and "therapist" so she wouldn't mess up my idividual therapy with T, so I'm guessing it has to do with that.

I am REALLY looking forward to hearing about the conversation when T calls me this afternoon.

Originally Posted by splitimage

I know I get weirded out when my various dr.'s talk to each other - makes me feel like a case study instead of a person, but in my experience it's usually led to better care.

I had to share part of an e-mail that I got from Teacher T. Who can apparently read my mind, because I never said anything to her or T about feeling like a "case study" although that's how I was feeling...

You will be safe with me as well. I will stay in touch with T only with your knowledge and permission and will only tell him what you give me permission to discuss. You are NOT a "project" but a precious human being whom T and I are honored to be of service to.



The crazy thing is, it was my near-hospitalization that led me to Teacher T in the first place. I was desperate to stay out of the hospital, but I knew I was in a bad, bad place. I don't know why I thought making an appointment with her to talk about my kids would help, but I found her card outside of T's office and that's what I did. And we did talk about the kids, but now it's evolved into all of this other stuff. Kind of makes me believe the quote in my signature, you know?

[Kiya]

Wow Earth, what a precious email... frame that one!!! I am so glad you found her!

T kinda said something similiar to "I will stay in touch with T only with your knowledge and permission and will only tell him what you give me permission to discuss. " and said she'd tell me everything, "just like I am doing with you now". SHe reassured me my stuff is confidential and that they only talk about what is the best care for me. I still wish i could be invisible in there and hear!!!
((((((((earth))))))))) yea, i do believe your sig too...

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by earthmama

Kind of makes me believe the quote in my signature, you know?

It reminds me too of the Zen saying, "Leap, and the net will appear."

[chaotic13]

I really liked the Zen quote and Googled it. I found this Youtube video.

EM it is so cool when we recognize that just when we think we cannot go on, we some how get just what we need.

Wow, that is awesome

I may send it to T. He likes "therapy songs"

[splitimage]

Great song - I really liked it.

[sunrise]

I liked it too. Thanks, chaotic.