[Gracey]

Trigger icon for reference to suicide ideation



This is a spin off from my other thread about Monday night. I'm not asking whether or not I *should* tell. That's a given. But I'm wondering if I can, whether someone else would, and how do I get this point across without getting myself locked up.

I do feel like I'm standing with one foot on one side of the line, and one on the other. I feel ok for a little while, and then I'm completely overwhelmed with not wanting to live. I don't have a plan. . .anymore. I did. But now I don't.

I've got to get some help. I know this.

[Lenny]

It certainly does depend upon your chosen audience Gracey what an outcome could be..

But I believe thoughts of this nature are best shared with professionals. Keep in mind that ideation is not behavior,,nor even intention. But and this is an important but...it can be a manefestation of hopelessness.

Hopelessness is an illusion that can be intellectualized.

Please share.

With care,

Lenny

[Perna]

A lot of my trouble with suicide was that I didn't have enough emotional words to talk about what was going on for me. So, for a long time I used the "shorthand" of thinking/talking about suicide, it was as extreme as I was feeling. When I needed to talk to someone, I didn't know how to phrase that, get help, so I'd call hot lines and they'd say call and get a therapist and that was a whole little scenario I'd have to tell a therapist, "I feel really bad, even called a suicide hot line and they said to come see you," so-to-speak.

I don't know if that's the way it is for you Gracey. Where I am now I have enough "confidence" that I can talk about myself and how I'm feeling and I don't worry about what the other person is going to "do", whether I'll get "locked up" but mostly it's the confidence in myself that matters; I don't have the feelings of disconnection with others anymore.

Were I you, I think I would write up a scenario the way I'd want it to play out and then "pretend" that some of the good but unnecessary parts had happened? In other words, for me, I might either lie about having called a suicide hot line or I'd make up a scenario where I discuss wanting to and "why". Or, I'd just print out this thread and take it to my T and "play" with it there, have a conversation about how badly you feel and the difficulties you're experiencing either talking or dealing with the feelings.

For me, I came to realize that suicide thoughts turned out to be a pointer/helper for me and were more symbolic than "real". Knowing that about myself made talking about such situations both easier and more interesting/fruitful.

[MissCharlotte]

Why not just tell the way you wrote it here?

Or, get to know your new T first, and let the rest come when you are ready.

Good luck.

[Gracey]

Perna. . .

I think maybe I kind of feel like I don't deserve to feel this way. Like, I don't deserve for anyone to know and to help. I don't know, that doesn't sound right either.

I kind of feel like maybe I haven't earned the right to ask for help.

[pegasus]

(((((((( Gracey )))))))))

'Not deserving' Sounds like an old thing from the past to me. You deserve to be heard Gracey and no, you won't be locked up for talking about it.

[gimmeice]

((((((((((((((( Gracey ))))))))))))))))))
Everybody deserves to be heard and helped. I had a big fear of being locked up for the way I was feeling so I wouldn't share it with T. I started by talking about what kind of situations required going to the hospital and how I was terrified that they were going to send me away. My T was really good at reassuring me that you have to have a plan that you can't be talked out of in order to be made to go to the hospital, at least that is the standard here.
Now I am able to talk about my feelings, I still get nervous about being locked up but me and T are usually able to work through this.

[lifelesstraveled]

Hi Gracey!
Hi!


I am in the same boat as you so I can't give you any good advice--except you aren't alone. I want to tell my T, but part of me is scared of the consequences. I am embarrassed and afraid of her reaction. And then part of me feels like Im being a burden telling her something that heavy, although I am sure she hears it almost on a daily basis, but still.Then I think part of me doesnt want to admit it out loud because it makes it that much more real. I have yet to actually say it out loud to any one since my first thoughts about it more than a year ago. I have been wanting to tell my T, but I am terrified. I am "planning" to tell her on Tuesday. Planning in quotes because I might chicken out...

So, I think you should really tell your T. I am going to tell mine--maybe that will give you some encouragement and strength to tell your T.

(((((((((((((((((((everyone)))))))))))))))))))))

These are thoughts to share with T. When I had suicidal thoughts, I was scared to tell him, and sat through an entire appointment without saying anything and then called and told him later on the phone. I've had suicidal ideation on and off since starting T, but these were much more serious. When he realized that I actually had a plan - a plan how to do it, but not necessarily a time frame - was when he suggested the hospital. BUT HE DIDN'T MAKE ME GO. I wasn't forced into anything at all. I did consider the hospital on and off for a few days, but I realized all I had to do was make it from therapy appointment to therapy appointment and we would work through it (I go twice a week). So I just focused on getting through those days between appointments, and slowly, the thoughts went away as we talked about them.

Keeping secrets is crazy-making, for me anyhow. It's so much better to get it out there in the open, and get HELP. You deserve it, Gracey. We all do.

Don't let your fear hold you back from healing.