I saw T Wednesday and I will see him again on Tuesday, so I know this is not worth complaining about.

But! I am used to him "being there" - he's usually very available to me by phone or by e-mail. I hate the feeling of him being "gone". I almost NEVER call him on the weekend - maybe once or twice since therapy has started, so this shouldn't feel like a big deal to me. But.

I had a session with Teacher T this morning to work on meditation. She talked to T on the phone yesterday (!) and told him she wants to work with me first on just getting grounded. I'm sure this came as WELCOME news to poor T, who has to deal with ungrounded me way way way too much.

So, we had the session. Because it's not "therapy", she was very open with me about feelings she has had, struggles she's had, etc. It's weird to sit there with her, because we have so much in common - on every level - that it's like sitting across from Healed Earthmama. Very strange.

I'm left feeling really really lonely. Teacher T and I e-mailed and she told me "just be glad that you are FEELING!" and I know she is right. But the longing is so strong. Young me needs T. Just because she needs love, I think. But he's not there and I feel sad.

I guess that's it. Just me needing to vent.

[MissCharlotte]

I guess that's it. Just me needing to vent.

Or, just you needing contact with T.

I am so there too.

Tuesday will be here before you know it!

((((earthmama))))

[lifelesstraveled]

Originally Posted by earthmama

I saw T Wednesday and I will see him again on Tuesday, so I know this is not worth complaining about.

But! I am used to him "being there" - he's usually very available to me by phone or by e-mail. I hate the feeling of him being "gone". I almost NEVER call him on the weekend - maybe once or twice since therapy has started, so this shouldn't feel like a big deal to me. But.

I had a session with Teacher T this morning to work on meditation. She talked to T on the phone yesterday (!) and told him she wants to work with me first on just getting grounded. I'm sure this came as WELCOME news to poor T, who has to deal with ungrounded me way way way too much.

So, we had the session. Because it's not "therapy", she was very open with me about feelings she has had, struggles she's had, etc. It's weird to sit there with her, because we have so much in common - on every level - that it's like sitting across from Healed Earthmama. Very strange.

I'm left feeling really really lonely. Teacher T and I e-mailed and she told me "just be glad that you are FEELING!" and I know she is right. But the longing is so strong. Young me needs T. Just because she needs love, I think. But he's not there and I feel sad.

I guess that's it. Just me needing to vent.

(((((((((((EM)))))))))))))
Im sorry! I have no useful advice for you, as I do not have any experience in intensely missing someone (guess it's because I've really had no one my entire life, other than my twin sister and now the guy I am dating). BUT Tuesday will come faster than you know it I promise! You have your children to keep you ripping and running until Tuesday

[Kiya]

Wow - I am often shocked how our lives parallel. I, too, have to work on grounding - it is my homework for this week. And I am at a loss. Mind sharing anything you're learning???
Meanwhile, I'm sorry T is on vacay - will it be long? It is hard to have them out of town - no matter how often we see them. I don't like it even when it isn't my apnt that is getting missed! How silly is that? I just feel better knowing T is in the city.
((((((((((((((Earthmama)))))))))))))

[Mouse_]

EM, I dont think its a matter of how long they are away, its the fact that they are away, not in their usual place, makes you realise they are seperate from you....and thats the gap that hurts I think.

((((((((((((((((((everyone)))))))))))))))))) Thanks for understanding, makes me feel less silly.

Kiya - my grounding exercises with Teacher T were all based on sitting meditation.

We sat, and focused on breathing into a spot that is about 2 inches below the navel. All of the focus was on the breath getting to that spot - which is very helpful for me because all of the fear/pain/panic is in my chest and the breath had to flow PAST that place. We focused on the feeling of my "strong legs" holding me up while I was sitting, and the feeling of my legs resting on the earth. Then we focused on the breath flowing from that spot below my navel up to the crown of my head and back down.

She's very intuitive, and when the fear or panic started to creep in, she somehow knew and we would end the meditation and talk about how it was.

She also told me that in real life when I start having any kind of scary thoughts, to think of them as sort of "cocktail party conversation" that I can just push off to the side and ignore, and to focus on my breathing instead.

I told her that I meditated for a couple of years before the scary things that came up finally sent me to therapy and I had to stop meditating, and she told me I needed a teacher.

She also said that if I am sitting and something scary comes up, I could get up and go read a magazine, or drink some tea, or whatever.

And that I can ALWAYS return to the breath, anytime, to ground myself.

Also, T told me that when people are really dissociative, usually what helps is finding a small, safe place, but for me, it's the opposite - if I can get outside and be in nature, it grounds me and brings me back to myself.

I don't know if that's helpful, Kiya, but that's what we worked on yesterday.

((((((((((((((((((((((kiya)))))))))))))))))))))))) We may as well just keep holding hands...seems like we are always at the same place on this path