Goals

Do you have goals in therapy? Actual sit down agreed upon, working towards them goals?

I am wondering this because as I have felt more out there- talking about and working with transference. And going back to T to try to explain where I am at and dealing with my vulnerability. In the midst of this, I have found myself thinking that I wish I had some goals. Something to check off, like, "yep, did that", so I know I am not so lost. Like a map.

But then I remember back to when I was looking for a T and I had gone to see one. She said to me "sounds like you have some clear goals". And I thought "I am not sure how to turn not F'ing falling apart into a goal, lady." I didn't end up choosing her, just couldn't wrap my mind around how to turn my inner struggle into a set of goals. Or that she could take all the complexity and boil it down into something so cut and dry.

Anyway- I suppose the point is that right now I am needing some security in this process that honestly can't be broken down like that.

I hope this makes sense. It sure helps just to put it out there and get some insight as to what others experience.

I know what you mean, its nice to know when you are progressing though I think we do in little ways that we don't even realize.

My T and I have sat down and wrote out a plan together, things that "I" wanted to have changed in my life. We have a list and we agreed that I would try to work of them weekly a little here and there. Some we planned to work on say in two months from now ect...We check in on them once in awhile. She told me up front its just and outline and if we don't go at the pace set its ok.

Hangingon

My goals? To eventually not need therapy, however long it takes!

My other goals (therapy related):
- Stop self-injuring (did that!)
- Try to stop addictive behaviours (ie. drinking) - did that!
- recognize some triggers of self-destructive behaviour (know some of them!)
- Not allow myself to slip into a spot emotionally where I am seriously entertaining suicidal thoughts (I'm pretty good with this one)
- learn to trust others, and to be more self reliant too... (working on it)
- learn to accept and deal with emotions (working on it)
- learning to accept myself and my faults (more work needed!)
- confronting abuse in my past (working on it)
- learning to interact better in social situations (working on it!)
- feeling more connected and happy (I am, more than I was before - still working on it though!)
- being able to function in my academics (sometimes it works, ADs really helped)
- dealing with the negative script in my head (cognitive distortions) - still working on it!
- learning how to live (peacefully/happily) with my disability and issues
- being more happy and "sane" and not always falling apart!
- being more rationally emotional and not so erratic.

Here's a question for you... what brought you INTO therapy in the first place?

Wow, I'm impressed with Christina's list/inventory! Way to go.

I do not have stated goals in therapy. T and I meander all over and always wind up back where I am stuck; back where my core wounds show themselves.

My goal originally was to get some help because I was falling apart and figured I was completely losing it. That was 2 years ago and what a ride it's been. I do remember having the feeling that I needed some sort of map because I had no idea what the heck I was doing in therapy. When I asked T he recommended a survivor book. He thought it had a good framework for the kind of work we are doing. I found it helpful and read it over and over--some of it still applies but we have grown way beyond this framework.

Why not ask T for a recommendation and constructing a framework?

Even that is complex- 1 year ago I was in grad school, which was incredibly hard and left me no time for my family. After a lot of fighting my DH decided he was going to a T. He then insisted we both go to a T. After the holidays and being with my family and completely feeling like I was truely coming completely undone- I decided that I too needed therapy. I went initially to help cope with all of the other stressors. To keep me from completely unraveling. But the unraveling- I have come to learn- was not because of all of these other things, although they are part- it is from this other life philosophy that I have that really isn't working for me anymore. It has taken a long time to get to this even.


Yes, great inventory Christina!

Actually, up to a month ago I would read all kinds of books, anything she would recommend. They were definately helpful. But a few sessions ago, when she was headed down the book recommendations list, I outright told her to stop. I just wanted to feel what I was feeling and not intellectualize it. Now I am feeling it and not liking it that much.

It's just painful is all. And I want to know that it is not for nothing.

Logically I know its not for nothing. But in my heart I feel lost.

Ok...

How about this for goals:

- Interpersonal, so you're more open and have a better/stronger relationship with your husband and family.
- Ways to deal with stressors (due to emotional stuff)
- How you feel about your life up until this point, where you want to be in 5, 10 years... that's also a goal!
- Figuring out what YOU want in life
- How to deal with feelings/emotions... rationally, intellectually, or simply just FEELING (not surprisingly, a lot of people have issues with this one)

Basically it's just identifying things you see as potential issues in your life, and putting them in a list. I've always told my previous Ts that I cant think up goals because I *hate* being stuck to a "schedule" of "we'll solve this, and then this, and this, and then you're out of therapy"! Kinda sucks. I actually just thought up the goals list by myself to help you out. It actually helped me out too - win win!

Here's another way to look at "therapy goals"...

What do you WANT?

Do you want to be happy? Rich? Famous? Have a better relationship with your family? Be more emotionally sane? Be better able to deal with some things? If you can sorta think like that, maybe that would help?

Ultimately though, no matter how perturbed you might be - most people's goals, somewhere in the back of their minds (whether they're aware or not, and no you dont need to be!) ... the ultimate goal is usually to not need therapy anymore, because you've already learnt enough and solved whatever "problems" brought you TO therapy in the first place!

Good realization! It is always about us. Life throws us curve balls. If we build ourselves up strong and deal with all of our issues we can deal with these balls and we can even get far enough ahead of the game where we start to prevent these curve balls from even being thrown........

That is a good question. And what I think this actually comes to. Maybe the discomfort is worth the struggle to get what I "want".

Thanks Sannah. Yeah, its taken a bit to get to the "core" stuff. And that ends up being where the crux of the matter is anyway.