[sittingatwatersedge]

I saw my T yesterday and told her that because of one of her comments, I had started looking into articles about Adult Children of Alcoholics, and was reading about the Lost Child. CLICK there was SO much there that I recognized. It was pretty shocking.

I told her, I remembered that my DH had once asked me, what is your secret for staying with one employer for so long? and I had said, "it's very simple: you figure out what they want, and then you give it to them." When I read about the Lost Child I realized that what I thought was "my work ethic" is just the Lost Child speaking, all right. You figure out what they want, and then you give it to them.

So in my workplace, as in my growing up family, I am still trying to make myself as invisible as possible. I give my good ideas to others, and they take credit for them and get promotions & raises, and I don't.

I finished telling her all this and was just thinking how great I was for connecting some dots, at last, when T leaned forward and said, "...and what's wrong with this picture...?"
I said, what?
she repeated, what is wrong with what you are describing?
and I said, um... nothing. It's very safe, you know.

Darn, apparently I missed the point. She took it pretty well though, didn't knock her head against the wall (at least while I was there).

(((((((((((((((((((((sitting)))))))))))))))))))))

Those are some great insights. Unfortunately, this stuff doesn't usually get all wrapped up with a bow in one session, and T knows that. At least you are THINKING about it, and you'll be able to revisit it again. I don't think you "missed it"...I think you are coming up with some really important stuff.

[sittingatwatersedge]

I don't think you "missed it"...I think you are coming up with some really important stuff.

dear EM, you are very sweet. I feel like I am sailing in uncharted waters every time I go in there, and have no idea what i am supposed to be doing / not doing.

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((((((( sitting )))))))))))))))))
I agree with earthmama, be easy on yourself, these things take times.

[chaotic13]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

I finished telling her all this and was just thinking how great I was for connecting some dots, at last, when T leaned forward and said, "...and what's wrong with this picture...?"
I said, what?
she repeated, what is wrong with what you are describing?
and I said, um... nothing. It's very safe, you know.

Darn, apparently I missed the point. She took it pretty well though, didn't knock her head against the wall (at least while I was there).

I think I miss the lesson in this story too. I definitely expend a lot of energy playing "can't we all just get along..." game. Can you share this lost child article?

[searchingmysoul]

I too feel that you didn't miss a thing. You are exactly where you are supposed to be right now.

The connections you are making now are the ones that come out of this other learning of yourself. There are layers and layers of connections in this, more like a web than a straight line. We can't see all the overlay at one time, it's impossible.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by chaotic13

I think I miss the lesson in this story too. I definitely expend a lot of energy playing "can't we all just get along..." game. Can you share this lost child article?

I first learned the term "lost child" by looking at the ACOA website.
Later I found a site called "Dawncoveabbey.org" and looked under "fear" - there is a button called "children's adaptive roles" and a hyperlink to a long article about the Lost Child.

Let me know what you think?

[Mouse_]

Perhaps T was meaning, you are up on the Thinking, but what about the feelings>??How did it feel to be a lost child??? and that feeling of trying to find a direction in therapy is normal, as a lost child perhaps you feel you need to "find"? dont worry you are doing great!! well as great can be in therapy!,

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by Mouse_

you are up on the Thinking, but what about the feelings

touche, Mouse!! that's me all right.
still it was very helpful to find the description of what ACOA calls the "lost child" role, it helps me to know that others may be like me (important to me) and i think it will give me (and T) some help too. For me, guideposts are fairly important - I get dismayed that when I ask her about goals and such, she smiles and tells me that we are on a journey of discovery.
it's not exactly what I WANT to hear; I already know what's in there and i don't like it

[SpottedOwl]

((Sittingatwatersedge))

It can take several weeks/months to integrate new information. Sometimes I find my brain will just shut down when I try to think of things in a new way. So, just be patient with yourself, and know that it will come when you are ready.

I don't know where you are located, but you may look to see if there is an Al-Anon group in your area. It is for people who grew up with/have partners with alcoholism. You don't have to tell your story, but it can be very helpful to hear other people talk about their experiences, and to know that you are not alone.

[chaotic13]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Later I found a site called "Dawncoveabbey.org" and looked under "fear" - there is a button called "children's adaptive roles" and a hyperlink to a long article about the Lost Child.

Let me know what you think?

I read this last night...very interesting. Thank you.