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Nov 25, 2008 at 01:37 AM
#1
Tomorrow will be the first time I see T at the city office. This is great because it's only about 10 to 15 minutes away from my house, but not so great because it is on the 18 floor, and I hate elevators.
Believe me, I'd walk up 18 floors, lol... but it is not an option because the agency shares the floor with the Israeli Embassy so for security purposes you have to go up in the elevator with a special code that they put in. So hopefully I'll be okay taking the ride up. T said it's fast. I hope so. I am interested to see his office will be set up. I am dying for there to be a couch, or at least a big, comfty, soft chair. Anyway, I am bringing pictures to T tomorrow. Actually, I am bringing my entire wedding album, plus two pages of proofs from the proofs album. Last night I felt the need to look at pictures of my father. When looking through the proofs, I saw something in each photo that I did not realize before-- because when you are just paging through a book of proofs you don't always notice the subtleties. I noticed that in each photo of me and my dad, there is something special happening in which the view of the photo can actually see the deep connection. There is one photo in particular, in which you can see a close up of my dad's face and just the back of my head with my veil coming out of my hair-- my dad is staring into my eyes with this look about him-- he truly looks like he adores me, and is so proud of me. I have come to treasure this picture. It is more precious to me than anything. I find myself constantly looking at it since last night-- each time I look at it, I cry because I miss him more than anything... but each time, I also feel comforted and loved because the look on his face in that picture is one of adoration. I absolutely cherish it. There is another picture where he is telling me something in my ear and I am smiling. Then there is one in which we are dancing and my head is thrown back and I am obviously laughing. There is a picture of the back of my father... and you can see my arms around him and my face buried in his shoulder. So I am bringing in all of these to share with T. I can talk about the connection I had with my father for 234023489239 years, but it comes to a different light when viewed in these photos. I am looking forward to tomorrow because I do not have school after therapy so I can just let go (hopefully). I am also hoping that I can sit next to him (even if it means pulling a chair next to him) so that we can look at the photos together-- and I can point out things to him. This would be really important to me, but I will probably die of embarrassment if I have to say, "Um, can I sit next to you?" Then he might say, "NO." Oh goodness. |
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Nov 25, 2008 at 07:02 AM
#2
wow, your description of your photos made me cry. You are right to treasure them so!
 do you think you can you get your Dad to run the elevator for you? mentally of course - if he runs it, maybe you won't feel too nervous. 
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Nov 25, 2008 at 07:03 AM
#3
Well, first of all...OH. MY. GOD. I am terrified of elevators. I want to give you some elevator words of wisdom.....hmmm....well, when my kids were babies and in strollers we had to ride in elevators sometimes, and I had to shut down because I didn't want them to "catch" my fear. Yes! Dissociation! We can use it to our advantage!
As for the pictures....I am so glad you are bringing them to show T. Just from hearing a description of them, it's clear how much love there was between you and your dad. I would love to see them. T will love to see them. I can't wait to hear about your session. ((((((((((((((((((pink))))))))))))))))))))))
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Pandita-in-training
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Nov 25, 2008 at 03:08 PM
#4
I love the old photos. I have one of my mother holding me when I was 6 months old, in my christening gown before going to the church and just her hands and arm supporting me are beautiful to me, strong and capable, etc. It is very interesting what we see in pictures!
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Grand Magnate
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Nov 25, 2008 at 05:41 PM
#5
((Pinksoil))
What a treasure you have found! Maybe you could make a collage of those pictures and frame it? As to the 18th floor, I hope all went well. I bet you are down on the ground by now. Was there a comfy chair? 
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