[MINIME]

what do you do when you have therapy and you go home and all of a sudden it all hits you. Your emotions are like a whirlwind and the pain is so intense that you cant breath.
I had reg therapy today and it was OK and then i got home and it hit me so badly that I couldn't stand it. she says that the pain is the healing the letting it out. But it hurts and I dont feel safe and I call her and she usually calls back and leaves a message but somehow this didnt work today she called and didn't leave a message. I was able to talk to my emdr therapist but now I just feel funny. It stirs up so may deep feelings.
Also I can not seem to get her to understand that yes it feels comforting when she sits by me hold my hand and talks gentle words when I am talking about my anger I like that she does that but also the two different extreme emotions of the trauma and her love together is so painful and I dont know why. I want to write her a letter explaining it but i dont understand it. she says she feels anger and bad thoughts about the person we were talking about but she cant say them. Thats not what i mean its having to different emotions opposite of each other and it hurts all the way to me feet. I dont get it. I think I get mad because its to late for me I am not sure.

[missboots]

Minime, I am so sorry you have had a bad time. I understand the pain your going through when you process T at home alone and all of a sudden you feel back where you were reliving that past! I tell myself I will never heal never go away! Then I look at my 1 and 5 yr old children and realize I need to change the abuse and not keep letting it ruin the next generation. I love my kids so much I will do hard work in T to help me help my kids. I know you have adopted kids and so you can relate to what I am saying about turning the abuse around. HTH Hugs!!

[MINIME]

missboots (hug))

[SpottedOwl]

(((MINIME)))

Be as kind to yourself as possible. Try to remember how T would try to comfort you when the emotions hit.

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. Sometimes I like to write/process the feelings, other times I just need to forget it all for a little while, and will put on a funny movie.

Warm thoughts headed your way.

[kim_johnson]

Yeah, be kind to yourself sweetie. Can you do something nice for yourself? Get yourself a book you have been really wanting to read? Go see a movie that you think you will enjoy? Take a bubble-bath with candles and rub some soothing lotion?

Sometimes crying / grieving can feel healing. When it is gentle, in my experience. If it feels too intense it can feel excruciating. Times like that I have a long hot shower (not a bath person) and wash my hair and do lotion etc. Imagine... Imagine little me. The hurt and scared little kid.. And imagine that I'm holding her gently and safely. Rocking and caring for her. Picture t sometimes too... Or past t's. People who have been kind.

Othertimes it can be helpful to do something that is more likely to result in one feeling more positively. Distraction kinds of things. Go for a walk or a hike or a swim. Go see a comedy or something like that.

Hang in there.

Originally Posted by MINIME

Also I can not seem to get her to understand that yes it feels comforting when she sits by me hold my hand and talks gentle words when I am talking about my anger I like that she does that but also the two different extreme emotions of the trauma and her love together is so painful and I dont know why. I want to write her a letter explaining it but i dont understand it. she says she feels anger and bad thoughts about the person we were talking about but she cant say them. Thats not what i mean its having to different emotions opposite of each other and it hurts all the way to me feet. I dont get it. I think I get mad because its to late for me I am not sure.

Teacher T told me that when love tries to come to us, all of the bad things inside of us will come up to try to push that love away....and then we work on those bad things so that love can come in.

I wonder if that is happening with you with your T when she sits and holds your hand, and that is why you feel so uncomfortalbe? Teacher T has tried to make me see this as a GOOD thing, a chance to heal. Healing hurts, though, doesn't it?? That part sucks.

I do get really stirred up after session sometimes, and sometimes it lasts for days. I'm never sure how to get out of it. Last week when it happened, after a couple of bad days I decided to just give myself a break and watch a lighthearted movie on my laptop (I NEVER WATCH MOVIES). And when the movie was over, I felt better....it was a good way to get out of my head for a couple of hours, and sort of flipped the switch for me.

(((((((((((((((((((minime)))))))))))))))))))))) I hope you feel better!

[MissCharlotte]

((Minime))

It's not too late. Whenever this happens to me I always come back to the same conclusion, and that is I need to slow down.

So....breathe...give yourself credit and take a 'break' -- talk about everyday things for a bit, remind yourself of the here and now.

[MINIME]

you guys are the best. Its better today its that deep ache that I hate. I feel like I want more comfort then I dont then I do then I dont. I feel this deep pain that I think may never go away. I hate it so much. Then I feel guilty because I heard that if you dont leave therapy feeling better then when you came in then you not doing good work. I dont think that is fair. I think I will try and do somethings that you guys suggested. I know that I should feel the feelings but when I do them alone I feel worse like I did before. I have to have a human connection when its bad or else I feel alone again. Thats hard to do because my T's are not available all the time. My search for a new mom has hit a road block. The one that seemed promising basically told me that I need to let the past go like she did. She had one thing bad happen to her and so she is not going to be my mom maybe a friend. So disapointed but not unexpected. I will repost again and hopefully it wont get deleted on craigs list.

[Mouse_]

Minime, so painful, so very very painful,

[Sannah]

Mini, I don't think that you have to feel better when you leave therapy. You feel whatever you need to feel at the time. Part of life is having "negative" feelings sometimes. That's just the way it is........

[coconut64]

Minime I totally understand. I'm just beginning to experience feeings after being numb most of my life. At first it was just in session, which was scary enough. Now it happens IRL and it's totally overwhelming, uncorfortable, I feel helpless, scared, lost. I usually call a friend, get mani-pedis, anything that will distract me. T says that I don't need distraction because that has been one of my coping skills. He says that instead I need to experience these feelings. Don't know how to do that yet. I'm still fighting "the process". I don't get it either, T says it's not too late and that I can do this. T says with practice and time it will get better.

[phoenix7]

it's never too late MINIME, and I agree with Sannah that you feel what you feel when you leave therapy - its just where you are at that moment - most of my bad times are late at night when I cant contact anyone - so I do a lot of what others here have said - i watch a comedy movie -(especially if i dont feel like one) my T says it helps to watch comedys when we are feeling down - I read - but if the pain is bad mostly i just pace up and down saying calm and relaxed eventually that makes me tired

I hope things improve for you soon - and if you cant tell your t how you feel write it down - it doesnt matter if its disjointed it will help you get your message across - you sound like you have some very caring T's - i am sure they will hepl you through this - and we are here too if you need us P7