[internettie]

I bought a gift for each of the therapists in DBT group (the group leader is my individual therapist and I'll be seeing the co-leader when T is on vacation over the holiday).

I bought co-leader T a rain stick (thought she might be able to use it in therapy) and I bought individual T an Indonesian percussion instrument (she collects percussion pieces).

I didn't ask either of them if they accept gifts so I know I'm taking a chance, but I think from what I've seen of both of them that they will accept the gifts. If not, I know better than to take it personally (at least that's what I tell myself).

Was this a good idea?

[sittingatwatersedge]

hey those are COOL gifts!

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by internettie

I bought a gift for each of the therapists in DBT group (the group leader is my individual therapist and I'll be seeing the co-leader when T is on vacation over the holiday).

I bought co-leader T a rain stick (thought she might be able to use it in therapy) and I bought individual T an Indonesian percussion instrument (she collects percussion pieces).

I didn't ask either of them if they accept gifts so I know I'm taking a chance, but I think from what I've seen of both of them that they will accept the gifts. If not, I know better than to take it personally (at least that's what I tell myself).

Was this a good idea?

I'd say it's pretty cool.
I'd only make sure not to spend more than a nominal amount so that I don't make the other person feel awkward.

[Angel_of_the_Past]

My T has asked that gifts not be apart of our relationship. She feels cards are ok but no gifts. I'm sure there's a good reason for this but I'm a giver and it feels bad.
Hugs,
Angel

I got P-doc and T a mug.

I tell them it's a small gift of appreciation, not necessarily a Christmas present.

[internettie]

I spent about $10 on each gift. That seems reasonable to me. I like the idea of it being a gift of appreciation vs. a Christmas gift. I think that a gift of appreciation doesn't require something in kind. No obligation for therapists. Neither T has said that gifts were a no-no. I'll be okay if they tell me that though. Again, I know I'm taking a risk but isn't that what therapy is all about?

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by internettie

I know I'm taking a risk but isn't that what therapy is all about?

Internettie, I like your style!

[internettie]

Thanks, sittingatwatersedge.

[pachyderm]

What is a rain stick?

In our clinic there is a sign saying thanks, but no gifts are allowed. So that takes the burden off of us!

I do give gifts but to the "office" as a whole so it isn't just to the T or meds provider. Usually it is some kind of gourmet food--chocolate or something that I find & like--that can be shared in the staff break room. I do write letters to my T & meds provider periodically expressing my appreciation when they have helped me through an especially difficult time. And I also give them books that I have found that I think would be good additions to their libraries. They have always said how much they appreciate those letters & books.--Suzy

[perkypower]

What is a rain stick?

A rainstick is from a dried cactus that when you turn it upsidedown the stuff inside sounds like rain as it moves down throuhg the stick. They come as short as a foot or very very long for a rain sound. It is to me quite calming. -perky

[phoenix7]

that sounds great - wish we had them in oz P7

[Luce]

I brought my rain stick in Oz. Check national geographic shops . museums also sell them.

[phoenix7]

thanks for that Luce I will

[ECHOES]

T was recently using a coffe mug in session with a picture of an analysad on the couch. I couldn't read it from where I was and asked what the words were on the mug: "Freudian Sips"

[internettie]

Thanks, perky. That is indeed what a rainstick is. This is a short, decorated one. The sound is very calming to me. I hope co-T thinks so too. She likes interesting things so I'm sure it will be okay.

Here's some info and a picture: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rainstick

The one I got for co-T was made in Indonesia and is made of bamboo. Still has the same beautiful rain sound as the dried cactus though.

[kim_johnson]

i think that is really lovely. some people are so thoughtful with gifts. i'm kinda jealous... i'm really not at all thoughtful with gifts. i kinda wish i was... but the fact is that i am not.

it is something that i feel kinda badly about, actually. i see that it is quite a skill... to notice and reflect on what it is that other people are likely to appreciate and to... take a risk. take a leap of faith and go out and get something (that has occurred to one) and then give it...

i'm too scared. firstly i just don't seem to be able to put two and two together when it comes to actually selecting something that they are likely to like. secondly because... i'm too scared to take that risk. too afraid of being criticised for it. too afraid of them hating it and wondering why on earth i thought that would be appropriate. my mother has a lot to answer for, no doubt... but i think that noticing and selecting and giving is a skill, indeed... and i think that is just lovely :-)

[internettie]

I have therapy in a couple hours and I'll be giving the gift to T. Today I feel a little bit more nervous about it but I'm going through with it.

It did take me a while to figure out what I think T would like, but she made it so easy because she shares her life with me in individual therapy and us in DBT group. I know she appreciates music and especially likes hand held percussion instruments.

I do know how you feel though. With my former T he never really shared about himself so usually I would just get him a box of chocolates and nuts from a treasured candy store. He always seemed to like it but it always felt to impersonal to me. And there was definitely the risk of him not accepting it.

But today I'm going to be positive no matter how it all turns out (at least that's what I'm telling myself).

[pachyderm]

DocJohn has an article about this topic

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archive...rapist-a-gift/

I don't know if this thread started him thinking or what...

[Perna]

How'd it go, Internettie? I gave my T a musical fairy wand, a "star" one year for Christmas and she really enjoyed that:

http://www.blueberryforest.com/fun_g...airy_wands.htm

[internettie]

I gave T the gift and she seemed to like it. She didn't refuse it or say I shouldn't have given it to her so I think it's okay. She didn't make a big deal about it which made me feel more comfortable about giving it to her. She tucked it under her desk with her backpack and stuff and we went on to do my session. I did see her tonight too at a memorial service for our DBT group member that committed suicide. I kept thinking she would take me aside and tell me the gift was inappropriate but she never did. She was very nice to me, as she usually is. She said goodbye to me and said she would see me in group on Thursday.

I read that article by DocJohn. It was very interesting. It didn't occur to me to ask her if she accepts gifts before giving her one. I think I may ask her after the holidays though because I don't want her to feel uncomfortable in the future (or to make myself look ridiculous).

I also saw co-T tonight at the memorial service. She's always very friendly and caring. I'll give her the gift I got for her on Monday when I see her for individual therapy.

So overall, I feel like it went well. And I had a good session with T to top it off.

This is an interesting read as well.

Gifts by Clients

Accepting, Rejecting and Hesitating
Even though there is some hesitation to discuss gifts openly, most psychotherapists view it neither as ethically problematic nor mind accepting gifts of small value, such as home baked cookies or bread, books or CDs or a potted plant (Borys & Pope, 1989; Pope, Keith-Spiegel, & Tabachnick, 1986; Pope, Tabachnick, Keith-Spiegel, 1987; Tabachnick, Keith-Spiegel & Pope, 1991). Small and symbolic gifts from clients during the holiday season, at termination, after a particularly difficult emotional challenge or from young children have been the most common and largely uncontroversial types of gifts (Borys, 1992; Borys & Pope 1989). This level of acceptance of small gifts has also been reported among forensic professionals (M.D., PH.D., MSW, MA) by Gerson and Fox (1999). Generally, small and symbolic gifts have been viewed as enhancing the therapeutic alliance and are tied to positive clinical outcomes (Corey, Corey, Callahan, 2003; Hahn, 1998; Spandler, et. al., 2000; Zur, 2004, 2007).
Most clinicians and ethicists also agree that rejecting appropriate gifts of small monetary value but of highly symbolic and relational value can be offensive to clients, cause clients to feel rejected and thus is detrimental to the therapeutic alliance and the therapeutic process (Knox, et. al., 2003; Spandler, et. al., 2000). Massoth, a member of the American Psychological Association Ethics Committee, reported in the Monitor of Psychology that ". . . psychologists may do more harm than good if they refuse a reasonable gift" (Bailey, 2004, p.62). In contrast, excessive gift-giving and clients' gifts of high monetary value, insider stock market tips or gifts given as financial loans by clients have, understandably, been a concern for many therapists, ethicists and licensing boards (Corey, Corey, Callahan, 2003; Lazarus & Zur, 2002, William, 1997).

http://www.zurinstitute.com/giftsintherapy.html

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by Orange_Blossom

This is an interesting read as well.

Gifts by Clients

Accepting, Rejecting and Hesitating
[...] Small and symbolic gifts from clients during the holiday season, at termination, after a particularly difficult emotional challenge or from young children have been the most common and largely uncontroversial types of gifts

small and symbolic gifts. thanks you have relieved my anxiety. the necklace I made for T's gift has a butterfly pendant. To me it symbolizes the person that I am not now, but with her help, am striving to become. thank you!

Glad to put your mind at ease. Your gift sounds perfect.

[chaotic13]

I gave my gift today. It went well. I did it at the end of the session. I had it tucked in my drawing folder so that it did not derail the session. As she was dismissing me, I simply said I would like to give you something. I gave her the matted picture (kind of felt stupid actually putting it in a frame--since that would imply that I thought it was good enough to hang some where..LOL). On the back I wrote which animal totem she represented and what it means to me. She didn't go wild over it (LOL), but she did seem to genuinely appreciate it. She asked if it was OK if she put it up some where for others to see. I said, yes but that she shouldn't feel like I expected to see it on the wall next time I came. I said that I just wanted to give it to her. I also gave her a card but she didn't open that--don't really know what happend to that during the exchange. I didn't wrap the picture so her attention when right to it... again I had trouble convincing myself it that it was worth wraping also I did want risk her thinking it was something expensive and rejecting it.

Overall I think if she looks closely at the gift, she will get what I was trying to convey. I also hope she appreciates what I wrote in the card--where ever it is, LOL. I think how I handled this shows some growth from last year. I rememeber this thread from last year. I was thinking...why the heck would I give my T a gift? What a difference a year makes!

My recommendation on T gifts is ... think small but authentic. If you give them something, give it from the person deep within. These gift don't have monitary value, but they are real. In my case, I hope the next time I frustrate my T and she is feeling like banging her head on the desk after I leave...she can pull out that picture and say..."this ego state is in there somewhere, I found it once I can reach it again."