[internettie]

I've been seeing my T (Susan) since the end of July, just about 5 months. I like her and I'm learning a lot about DBT skills from her. She is also the group leader of the DBT group that I go to on Thursday nights. We had a co-leader (Marianne) for a while but she went into private practice and couldn't keep doing the group. Anyway, Susan went on vacation for 2 weeks over the holidays and set it up so I could see Marianne during those weeks. I've seen Marianne twice and will see her a third time on Thursday (yes, New Years day). I really like the way she does therapy and I've told her more in 2 sessions than I've told Susan in 5 months.

Susan isn't a touchey-feeley person. I'm usually not either. But I don't think twice about hugging Marianne but I do think triple time about hugging Susan. It's very awkward hugging Susan.

Also, Marianne looks at the root of the problem, whereas Susan usually has me reframe how I'm thinking. I don't have any issues with the way Susan does therapy, I think I just prefer the way Marianne does it.

My dilemma - should I consider switching therapists after only 2 sessions with Marianne? I'd appreciate any input, especially questions, issues I'm not thinking of. Of course I'm afraid of hurting Susan's feelings but I don't want that to be the only reason not to switch.

(((((((((((((((internettie)))))))))))))))))))

This sounds like a really good topic to discuss with Marianne the next time you see her (how awesome for you that she is working on New Years!)

My Teacher T tells me that as we move along our path, teachers/guides/mentors/helpers will come and go, and we should be ready for that, and accept it. Maybe it is time for you to make a switch.

I would feel concerned about hurting Susan's feelings too, but I'm know that you are NOT responsible for how she feels. Therapists understand that sometimes a client fits better with a different therapist, and I am sure that the most important thing to her is that you are with the best person to help YOU, internettie, heal.

[internettie]

I'll bring it up on Thursday when I see Marianne again. I don't think my insurance will cover therapy with her because she's an LCSW but she sees people on a sliding fee scale and that might work.

"Choosing" one person "over" another is difficult for me. My mom always made a big deal about her being the most important person in my life. If I showed deference to anyone else, she would get pissed at me, shut me out. I know that not only is Susan not my mom, but doesn't show in any way that she would react like that. But it's still scary for me.

I guess I should just start with talking to Marianne and see where things go from there.

[imapatient]

Susan's feelings are irrelevant. She's the professional. Your therapy is for you, not her. She might (might) feel a tiny twinge of doubt about herself about why you switched, but it will be quickly gone and minimal. Our T's can replace us far easier than we can replace them.

There's no reason for you not to get the help that you think is best. If you want to balance the universal karma about the--possible, not necessarily--tiny twinge of hurt Susan feels, it will be offset by the joy of Marianne in gaining you as a patient. And you'll be better off. All is right in the world in the end.

[internettie]

earthmama: almost forgot to give you some hugs back

imapatient: you're right, Susan's feeling should be irrelevant. I think I feel guilty because she lost a patient just over a month ago to suicide. I'm obviously thinking too much of myself and the impact my leaving her practice would have. lol

[DoggyBonz]

Hi,

I just wanted to let you know that I can relate to what you are saying. I was in a situation where the DBT therapist recommened someone else b/c she was full. I knew that the other person and their group was not the right place. I talked w/ my main therapist about it and he let me know what you have been hearing. I am the patient and it is not a personal thing. I ended up going to the orginal group and just waiting a month for a space to open up. Discuss it with Marianne and if it feels right then I suggest going back to Susan and explaining it and working with the person who is best for you.

I am so insecure about chosing people that when I needed a 2nd
opinion about major knee surgery I was afraid of hurting the other surgeons feelings. He found the whole thing very funny b/c most people go with the surgeon who is most competent for them.

I think as long as you are keeping the lines of communication open then yippee for you for taking care of yourself.

[Angel_of_the_Past]

Originally Posted by imapatient

Susan's feelings are irrelevant. She's the professional. Your therapy is for you, not her. She might (might) feel a tiny twinge of doubt about herself about why you switched, but it will be quickly gone and minimal. Our T's can replace us far easier than we can replace them.

There's no reason for you not to get the help that you think is best. If you want to balance the universal karma about the--possible, not necessarily--tiny twinge of hurt Susan feels, it will be offset by the joy of Marianne in gaining you as a patient. And you'll be better off. All is right in the world in the end.

Very nicely said!

[internettie]

I'll see Marianne in 7 hours. I'm going to bring this up at the very beginning of the session. I'm not sure if she has time for a new client. And she's not covered under my insurance, so we'd have to work out an amount that I could afford to pay. My dream is that she would accept $30/session and that I could go for 2 sessions a week for a while. I know that she'll be honest with me and let me know if it would work. I'm trying to keep my emotions to a minimum in this dilemma. It really is a business transaction, like switching banks. The manager might miss you as a customer, but they don't get angry at you for leaving to go to something better.I would think that since I am the one paying for the service, it would be up to me where I get the service.

I know it's more than that since people are involved, but I'm just looking to do the right thing for myself. It kind of feels like a test to see if I have the courage to take care of myself, to put myself first, which is a completely foreign concept to me.

It should prove to be an interesting session. I guess I need to prepare for rejection as well as approval. Wish me luck!

[imapatient]

Go for it! You're all set. Remember, though, that if she doesn't have an opening that that isn't a reflection on you. Part of it is business, as you say. You've really progressed on this issue since your first post.

[Sannah]

How did it go Nettie?

[sunrise]

I know that sometimes when professionals have arrangements to "cover" for each other, they are ethically not able to take the other professional's patients away from them. I had that happen with a dentist. So I would check with Marianne first to see if she is even able to take on as a regular patient, someone like you that she treated temporarily in an "on call" situation for your therapist. If she is not able to take you on because of that ethical concern, then you at least have learned what therapeutic approach is one that would work really well for you right now. And you could talk about this with Susan. She might be able to refer you to someone else with the qualities in Marianne that work well for you.

Hope it went well and that the concern I mentioned is not an issue here.

[internettie]

Originally Posted by Sannah

How did it go Nettie?

It went great. I asked Marianne if she would consider taking me on as a client. Before she answered, she asked me why I wanted to see her vs. Susan, checked to make sure that I would have the appropriate closure with Susan and made sure I was making a rational decision. After we discussed those issues and she was satisfied with my answers she said that yes she would take me on as a client. However we (Marianne and I) would have to meet with Susan on Monday to make sure it was okay with her too.

I am so thrilled and excited that I can continue working with Marianne. She said that she could tell that I was getting out a lot that I had been keeping in and that's why she wanted to see me again today. She did tell Susan that she was seeing me today. Susan was fine with that. I really can feel some hope with Marianne. I realized while talking to her that Susan is awesome at what she does (DBT) and I'll continue DBT group if it's okay with her. What Marianne offers that is different is that she 'digs' deep when talking with me and I need to do that too.

I'm nervous about Monday and explained to Marianne how my mom was growing up and that this was still an uncomfortable situation for me, but I see it as progress that I am able to do it. Marianne agreed.

I don't think there will be any ethical issues. I'm assuming that Marianne would know if there were and would have let me know. Still, I'll won't count my chickens before they hatch. I'll wait for the okay from Susan on Monday before I celebrate moving on with Marianne and my healing.

[chaotic13]

Sounds like the two T's you are working with are focusing on you, not on letting there personal egos get in the way. That sounds great. I especially like the way transition seems like an open process. This way no one is left wonder why you changed or making assumptions.

[deliquesce]

nice work, nettie!!

[phoenix7]

and if she doesnt have a space at the moment ask her to let you knowhen she does or when u can ring her back to check again -good luck

[sunrise]

Sounds like it went great, Internettie!

Sounds excellent--Suzy

Wow, Nettie.....I am so impressed that you asked for what you want and need!! It sounds like Marianne handled it very professionally, and I am sure Susan will as well.

[internettie]

Susan is more on the reasonable side than the emotional side, so I think she will see it professionally and logically. My fear is that she'll say that I can't see Marianne for some reason. But that's just an irrational, don't be like my mother, fear.

It felt good to ask for what I needed and it was nice that it was received well.

[Sannah]

Yeah!.....