[winterbaby]

I know I have to talk to T about this. I find him not being as warm as he usually is. He used to say that he was really looking forward to working with me and being interested in what I was doing outside of therapy, etc. now has cut that out. He used to respond to any questions fairly quickly if I called him, now takes his time calling back and they are usually one line answers. And I don't call him a lot maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks or so with a question. It seems like he is pulling back. How do I word this to him without sounding like I am projecting all of my stuff onto him. I really don't think I am projecting, it is his behavior, it's changed. Maybe he got supervision but I hate that idea that he changes because of it. I feel that he is not that interested in me or my stuff anymore the way he used to be.

[madisgram]

well that's a good place to start when you see your T next time. explain how you feel and let him respond. keep in mind your feelings are not facts.
his response may be something you don't want to hear but then again it could help you in the T/client relationship. perhaps he has gotten busier with a larger client load, or sumthin' or setting some boundaries with you that he feels are needed. i don't know if this is the case, so that's why it's important to ask him. clearing the air will help you be able to focus back on you. that's the most important thing.
hope this helps. let us know how it goes with your T, K? we care about you.

[missboots]

Winterbaby, I'm sorry you feel your T has pulled away from you! Maybe he see's you as stronger and wants you to use strengths from within. He maybe was attentive to get you to attach and now see's you are attached so he can take a step back without you quitting? I'm just guessing. I know it is hard to tell T about how we see them. HUGS!

[Berries]

I'm sorry Winterbaby. Feeling like your T is cooling toward you, is not a good feeling. It is so easy to feel rejected by a T and hurts so much.

I think you worded it perfectly just now. I knew exactly what you meant. I'd just print that out and take it to therapy with me the next time I went. Give to him, read it to him, or just use it to refer to.

Whether you are projecting or not, this is definitely something that would be helpful for you and your T to address and work on. It might be an important step for you to be able to face your fears and confront someone for wronging you. It might be an opportunity for you to start talking about how you have felt wronged or rejected in past relationships and how you dealt with it before and figure out a better way of dealing with in the future. It could be that you have misread the situation, what has felt like cooling toward you has really just been his being super busy and stressed out and his reassurance that he does really care about you will feel so good.
Transference is a painful thing. They say therapy is an artificial relationship. I disagree; it is very personal, and very real, for both the T and the patient. There is real caring going on.
At the same time, this real, caring relationship is different from all other relationships in that you can use this projecting we all do in every relationship as a tool to grow in all your other relationships.
I hope that made sense. It is very clear in my heart what I want to say to you. I hope it came through in my words.
Good luck

[ECHOES]

How to? Start with your observation that the relationship doesn't feel the same to you. Tell him the ways he seems different and how that feels to you.

I have asked outright if something T has done was some kind of therapeutic maneuver. I don't know if she would say it was but the times I've asked she has said no, that if something was going to change she would talk to me about it first. So, I was relieved that it was just my perceptions, fueled by my fears.

[I_WMD]

Originally Posted by winterbaby

I know I have to talk to T about this. I find him not being as warm as he usually is. He used to say that he was really looking forward to working with me and being interested in what I was doing outside of therapy, etc. now has cut that out. He used to respond to any questions fairly quickly if I called him, now takes his time calling back and they are usually one line answers. And I don't call him a lot maybe once every 2 or 3 weeks or so with a question. It seems like he is pulling back. How do I word this to him without sounding like I am projecting all of my stuff onto him. I really don't think I am projecting, it is his behavior, it's changed. Maybe he got supervision but I hate that idea that he changes because of it. I feel that he is not that interested in me or my stuff anymore the way he used to be.

Not telling us how long you have been seeing your * T * ,, I would just guess ,,, that maybe he sees ya doing better in your thought processes ,, say like ,,, When you call him ?, do ya kinda have the answer already ? Just need some reassurance ?

IDK. just a guess .
WMD.

((((((((((((((((((((winterbaby))))))))))))))))))))) my Teacher T has told me that sometimes she delays responding (to a call or an e-mail) or gives me a shorter response to give me chance to look inside myself for the answer first. I try to not let it feel like rejection - and since she has explained her reasoning to me, it's easier for me to deal with.

It's different with T. There have been times when he seems to be pulling back or seems slow to respond, and I ALWAYS ask him about it. I want to know! Did I do something wrong? Am I being punished? Have the boundaries changed? Is he trying something new?

T is very thoughtful and willing to look at his own behaviors, so he will sit and think and we will talk about it. He is very steady and reliable, and usually, when I perceive that things have changed, it's because he has a lot going on in his own life, or he was tired that day, or something. In other words, it's never that things are actually changing between us. So, like someone said above, I wonder if T just has his own stuff going on and you are feeling the effect in your relationship?

I hope you will tell him how you are feeling. IMO, the relationship is one of the most important things to talk about in therapy...it is for me, anyhow!

[winterbaby]

Oh boy how do you all hit the nail on the head so well? Do you live in my head? lol
thank you, thank you thank you