[missboots]

I have found myself becomming more attached to T and at Christmas I didn't buy her a gift because I felt that I couldn't even begin to know what she would like or It might be rejected. Well when I went to the session a few days before christmas She had gifts on her desk. I felt sad that I didn't get her one and also angry that other patients got her gifts. Well so last Wednesday in session I saw a gift bag on her desk and it was a baby gift. She tells me one of her clients had a baby and didn't show up today because of the baby. I felt so hurt! Like I know she cares for other patients and I'm not special! I can't get over this part in my childhood! I never ever never felt special or cared for. I was abandoned by my Mom and Dad. I don't let People get this close to me because the Pain of wanting to be loved is so painful! My Husband is Arab, Muslim, from Israel
He was married there with 2 kids. He went to Israel 2 weeks ago and the day he left I found out he is staying with his wife! I am so hurt! Also I made sure his T mobil phone would be ok so I could call whenever I want. Well he shut it off! He called and said it wasn't working so I called T
mobile they said it is working just shut off! He has called 2 times for 2 min each time just to say he is ok(Because of the War) Last I heard from him was a week ago. I am not special not even with my husband! He is 61yrs and I am 38 yrs. We are 23 yrs apart and he has kids here that are 35,30,28,and 21. Our kids together are 22 months and 5 yrs old on Monday. I am his 4 th wife so I know I made a bad choice and it is so hard because we have kids and I don't want my kids to suffer. I am sorry this is so long it is just that I wanted you to know about my transference issue that I have and it is eating me alive! I have lost 20lbs in a month and T asks if I eat. I say yes because I do but only a little like 800 calories a day and I am at the gym everyday. I went from a size 18 to a size 10. She is worried and I can't even talk about this it is to embarressing to let her know just how fu@#$% up I really am. Has anyone ever experienced this type of transference? I think Mouse does Where are you Mouse? And Earthmama aren't you the one who saw another box in his office and you were mad? All feed back is appericated even if it is to say Yah You are
Fu@#$% up!

[Christina86]

(((((((((((missboots)))))))))))))))) Have you tried talking to your T about this? Really? I know it's hard, but I think in therapy it's the one place where you can say whats on your mind and not have to risk being horribly hurt as a result.

I wish I could say something to help, but I'm afraid I've never been in your situation.

[tarabug922]

Miss Boots,

Big Hugs for you! I know how it is with gifts for therapists, usually a candle works wonders. I once gave my therapist a gift and she said she wasnt supposed to accept it. Don't feel bad for not getting her anything, you had your reasons. Technically I think she's crossing some lines giving gifts back to patients but it's her perogative. You can still get her a gift if you wanted to.

I know what you mean about wanting to feel special. She does care about you as is evidenced by her concern over your weight loss. It's just hard to see sometimes. I'm sorry about your husband being such a bum. It's not nice what he's doing to you.

I guarantee you though one thing. You are special to your kids. You're the only mom they have and the best one that they know. Hold on to their love and hang in there,

Love and Hugs,
Tara

(((((((((((((((((((missboots))))))))))))))))))

Yes, that was me who was mad about the box And yes, it was partly because I wanted to be the only client with a box, to have some sort of "specialness" in my relationship with T.

I will say that as time has passed, I've realized that my relationship with T IS special, and I AM special to him, and it's just because of who he is and who I am and what our relationship is. It doesn't have anything to do with his other clients - I don't have to be "more" special. I do still feel a twinge of jealousy sometimes when I see another client in the waiting room - I don't know if that will ever go away - but I've also come to more of a place of peace about our relationship. You are special to your T too, just because you are you, and you are unique, and the work she does with you she does with you and you alone.

DEFINITELY, you should talk to T about this! This is what therapy is all about....exploring just these sorts of feelings. As painful and scary as that might sound

(((((((((((((((missboots))))))))))))))))) I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time.

[searchingmysoul]

Missboots-

You are doing the best you can right now to cope in the situation you are in right now.

I too think that talking things over with your T, your attachment and you wanting her to care for you, would be helpful. You deserve for someone to deeply care for you and to value you. Your T may not be able to give that to you in all forms but she may be able to help you feel your own importance so that you can feel that with others.

You were very brave to post what you have.

[phoenix7]

Hi missboots,

I am sorry for your situation with your husband - do you talk to your therapist about it?

Please try to take care of yourself, be kind to yourself,