[del12]

I have been with my T for about 5 months. We have been talking about dealing with an verbally/emotionally abusive father and a lot of feelings and thought are emerging that have been stuffed for eons. My question is besides listening and validating what I say what else should I expect out of my T. I just got home from my weekly session which I was a bit hesitant to go becasue last time I felt very sad and vulnerable when I left. I asked what do I do next how do I dela with this sadness. Are there tools to help me. Basically there was a silence and then "just feel" these emotions and know it is okay and write down (free style) whats going on. Okay I get that but I was wondering if I should expect more feedback or am I expecting too much I feel a bit frustrated today. CAn anyone give me some insight as to how sessions go. My T is not a psychologist or a psychiatrist. THanks for your help

[Izzyparker]

Every therapist client relationship is different based on the two people that are in the room. I think when your therapist said "just feel it" that felt true. Part of your work in therapy is to feel safe enough to process emotions that you are afraid to feel (again). Fear stops people from moving forward in their lives. Over time, your therapist's office will become a safe haven where you will be able to talk about those hard topics and process those hidden emotions.

Every therapist has a different style. Some are more talkative and others want the client to take the lead.

Studies show the most important element in successful therapy is how the client feels about their therapist. Do you feel he/she likes you? understands you? is listening to you?

And, as much as you can, you should share your feelings of doubt with him/her.

(((((((((((((((((del)))))))))))))))))))))

My therapist really lets me take the lead in sessions, and when I talk about my abuse, he mainly just listens. I tend to dissociate, but I do think he is very present with me when I am talking. I have been with him for a while, and we do have some things that are very specific to me and my therapy that help me, but it took quite a bit of work together to figure out what those things are.

As for dealing with the sadness....would it help to end the hard part of session a few minutes early to get regrounded? I used to leave T in such a messed up state sometimes...now I will ask him to tell me a story or something to kind of get me out of the trauma and back into reality.

Writing things down really HAS helped me. Things seem to have no beginning and no end in my head. On paper, there is a beginning and an end. And then I can rip it up, burn it, give it to T, tuck it away in a box...whatever I feel like I need to do. I also practice meditation, and that helps me now, but things were too intense at the beginning of my therapy for me to quiet my mind enough...

Sometimes when I am lost in post-therapy feelings, distraction helps me....so I will play guitar hero or color or do something for the little parts of me that just want to play and be soothed.

I think it's really important to tell T what you need. If you need more help with what to do with the sadness when you leave, tell him. If you need him to do more than listen and validate, tell him that. The more I have told my T what I need, the better he has been able to help me in a way that is actually really helpful to ME, earthmama, the individual.

((((((((((((((((((((((((del)))))))))))))))))))))))))) Many to you!

[SavingGrace]

One thing that may help (just a suggestion) is to make a "container" for your "feelings". It is especially helpful if it's something you create yourself.
For example, I have a box that I decorated myself, and I sometimes write what I'm feeling, even if it's just a word - like "scared" or "sad" and put it in the box.
Then every week, I take the box to therapy with me and we talk about it.
I have also found journaling helpful.
I write every day - sometimes more than once - it helps to "get my feelings out".
Hope you find something soon that works for you - it's hard to feel painful feelings outside the safety of the "office".
Take care -
Grace

[queenie123]

I used to get frustrated because I wanted my t to give me all the answers and thinking back I'm sure I was expecting her to just put everything right for me, I felt really disappointed when she didn't but once we talked about these things and what she could actually do to help me, things started to improve alot more.
I hope you are able to talk things through and get more help with how you are feeling.

queenie

[del12]

Thank you for your insights. I am going to try the journaling even though there is a part of me thats scared of what might come out. so much is buried. Talking about some of my questions and thoughts about therapy to my T well I may have to build up to that. I really have a fear of rejection. Why? I think that is just the insecure thoughts in my head. My T is very nuturing and looking back I think that we touched on some real issues that I haven't wamted to face and it has made me feel very uncomfortable. I will keep working on it.

[deliquesce]

is your T qualified? over here in australia, anyone can call themselves a therapist or a counsellor without any qualifications. only psychologists and psychiatrists are trustworthy.

i would expect more feedback from both my psychiatrist and psychologist. they have helped me deal with the emotions, as well as helped me look towards the future and know that relationships aren't always going to be that way.

if your therapist is not giving you "enough", that could be a product of her training. personally, i would find someone else.

[phoenix7]

dealing with the sadness that comes from these things is hard - I write things down, just keep writing till the words stop, then usually I am so tired I can sleep - or I will try to do somthing nice for myself - buy some flowers - eat some chocolate! yum!

Every time I go to therapy I feel vulnerable - you tell your T things that lay open your heart and soul for healing and that makes you vulnerable - you tell them things you have kept inside maybe for years and that makes you vulnerable - trust between you and your T can help with this but im not sure it goes away completely - maybe it just gets manageable - but there is hope and ther is progress - so hang in there

Discuss it wiht your t if you think you need more coping techniques - its hard to ask for what you need but its all part of the healing - P7

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by del12

.... I am going to try the journaling even though there is a part of me thats scared of what might come out. so much is buried. .... I will keep working on it.

(((((((((((( del12 ))))))))))))

good for you! be brave & keep going. You're not alone.

[madisgram]

jme, but my psychologist ,T, would always validate the feelings i would be having as i talked about the painful stuff. for example, i didn't know at first if my feelings about things were over-reactive, on the mark, or what. so he was like a sounding board for me. if there was a conflict of emotions he would first acknowledge how that could have caused me pain, then he might show me another way of viewing the situation...a healthier way. example, i had a hard time understanding a decision my father made in my behalf when i was a minor. i was angry and hurt about it cause i felt i had no say in the decision. he acknowldeged my pain but did point out that my father made a decision for me as best he could at the time. this taught me that sometimes people are not at fault but do the best they can do at the time. it doesn't make it right or wrong, it just is.
you sound as tho you are taking "ownership" of your therapy and that's good! your question to the forum was also good. i'm glad you are seeking understanding of what you can expect.
i don't feel like there was ever a time in therapy that i left feeling so vulnerable because we left the session on a good note. something that enabled me to better understand and also to be able to use it again in the future when a similar situation came up.
there are many schools of thought regarding therapy. if you are comfortable with your therapist that's one of the most important things. trust also. interaction with you is important too.
my opinion is just one of many so take what i've posted if it helps you and toss out the rest.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by del12

a lot of feelings and thought are emerging that have been stuffed for eons.

My question is besides listening and validating what I say what else should I expect out of my T.

Hi Del, I think what is going on sounds therapeutic. These feelings have to come out and you have to feel them. It sounds good that your therapist is allowing this to happen. It would be much worse if the therapist felt uncomfortable with your pain and tried to fix it or something. I remember feeling vulnerable and sad after therapy. I think that it is okay as long as you can cope. If you can't cope that is a different issue that needs to be discussed with your T.