I saw T. I spent the first 20 minutes (at least) just sobbing. He finally reached out and kind of patted my knee while I cried. I think I cried so much that I almost made HIM cry - his eyes got all red.

There is so much going on. Big medical test tomorrow that I wanted to keep a secret from my mom (abuser) but she found out and that's created all sorts of mess. My cat is dying and I don't know what to do. My autistic son has a big medical thing coming up this week that will require a very specific special diet that I am completely overwhelmed by. I have been in pain for months with no diagnosis as of yet. I am just COMPLETELY overwhelmed by all of this.

So, I cried and told him all of this the best I could. We talked a *little* about the big, awful sadness that came up on Friday. I had left him a message after the AA meeting, so he already knew about it. I told him in session "I feel like my heart is trapped inside a box" and he said "and it's okay to keep it there for right now" - and I was like "A-HA". T is so smart. FIRST I have to get through this, and then we can work on the big sadness. We did talk about it a little, but it's just too much for me to deal with in a real way right now.

I told him I had a HORRIBLE therapy headache, and he said "and then you'll have a therapy hangover" which made me laugh because I thought that was just something we clients knew about, not the therapists themselves.

He told me that I do have power, and I can do these things - get the food for my son, deal with my poor cat and the vet, put up boundaries with my mom - and I am TRYING but it is hard.

When I left, I went straight to the store and got my son's food (grocery shopping is what sends me over the edge when I am like this - I told him I'd just as soon drive myself to the psych ward as the grocery store) - but I DID IT, AND I made appt for kitty to see the vet tomorrow after my med test.

Now I am totally, completely, utterly exhausted. I don't know if I feel better, at all, but I do feel like I at least moved forward a little through this stuff that is overwhelming me. There is still so much pain and sadness. But. I guess that's just how it will be right now. No quick fix

T gave me a big, warm hug when I left and promised he would be thinking of me at 1:30 tomorrow when I have my test and sending me good vibes.

Blah. I wish some angel would just drop out of the sky and take care of me

I'm sorry I'm so whiny right now.

(((((((((((((((((PC Friends)))))))))))))))))))))

[Sannah]

EM, this is a lot to deal with . I wish I could come and help you take care of your son with the diet!

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by earthmama

I
I told him I had a HORRIBLE therapy headache, and he said "and then you'll have a therapy hangover" which made me laugh because I thought that was just something we clients knew about, not the therapists themselves.

My T said that something like 75% of therapists have been in therapy at some point in their adult lives. It probably makes for a better therapist.

He told me that I do have power, and I can do these things - get the food for my son, deal with my poor cat and the vet, put up boundaries with my mom - and I am TRYING but it is hard.

My cat was in the kitty cat ICU for awhile. He was lost and completely emaciated when we got him back two months later. He's doing fine now, although I still owe the vet a few hundred dollars.

Boundaries with "THE MOM"--- as I like to call my mother... lol. Well, my mother isn't much of an abusive person these days... at all, actually. I think after she got off the drugs and found something else to live for she did just fine. I think if your mom got off the alcohol she would do just fine too. Otherwise Earthy, you won't get any changes and will have no choice but to keep her far far away. Love from a distance. Love through actions, not words...

My dad (severe active alcoholic) gets away with his alcoholism through his wife (not my stepmother, his wife after I became an adult). She "helps" him by saying "I love you, here's the Jack Daniels you asked for." BLAGH!!!!!!!!!!
I want to slap her all the time... grrr. Anyway, sorry to derail here.

You CAN DO IT Earthy. It is hard. But your T is right--- you CAN. Just do one thing at a time, and don't overwhelm yourself by trying to take it all on at once. Deal with one thing at one time. Try to prioritize by the things that you have to do first, then put at the bottom things you have no control over, such as cat being sick but done all you can; other peoples problems that are not yours like your mother; etc. etc.

You can do it. I know you can do it.

[darkrunner]

((((((((((((((((((((earthmama))))))))))))))))))))))
I hope you got a good good night sleep.
You are dealing with so much.
It is normal to feel overwhelmed and exhausted.
Try to take it one minute at a time.
Good luck with the medical test today - I'll be thinking of you.
Wishing you peace and strength,
and a million hugs.....

kt

[sittingatwatersedge]

((((((((((((((((((((((((( e m ))))))))))))))))))))))))

dear EM. Keep talking to your angel guardian, he will help you.

I'm sorry to hear that you are hurting so much. by now you've already put one day behind you, the next one may not be so bad. we just take them one at a time.... stay close...

hugs

[phoenix7]

(((Earthmama)))

Sending you good vibes for tomorrow - hope the test goes well and the results are good -

No wonder you are exhauseted look at all the things you got done and all the things you are coping with - I am there in spirit wiht you - leniding you strength as everyone here is - you are strong and powerful and you cang et through this - we are with you every step of the way - take care and let us knwo how you goheres your angel to take care of you and your family

[kittykins9]

Earthmama,
Don't apologize for being whiny. You have so much on your plate, and it sounds like you are doing a great deal to work through it all. I will be thinking of you today and just holding you in my heart, sending lots of good vibes your way. I know I am new to this forum, and it can be a little hard for people to build up trust with new members. But so much of what is said in these posts is so similar to my own life. Though I'm in crisis right now, it brought me here, and if that gives me a chance to reach out to others and send my sincerest hopes that they will do well and get the help they need-- then at least I've got some purpose.

I'm actually so glad you updated on this because I was thinking about you yesterday after I read your last post. So I hope you can accept a warm hug from a new pal. Keep us posted please, and know that you are showing such strength.

Best,
Kittykins9

[peaches100]

(((Earthmama)))

You are a warm and loving person going through a super tough time. I sure understand your feelings of pain and exhaustion. I'm so proud of you that you went to the store and made kitty's vet appointment. You're taking steps to deal with things. But you need rest and comfort too. Please be gentle with yourself. We're all here to support you. I'll be thinking about you today at your medical appointment and hoping it all turns out OK.

[internettie]

((((((((((((((((earthmama))))))))))))))))))

Please let us know how it goes. I'll be thinking positive thoughts for you today.

[searchingmysoul]

earthmama

You have so much strength. I hope you know that.

Thinking of you.

[MissCharlotte]

(((((earthmama))))))

You are overwhelmed. Being a mother when we were not mothered properly is so difficult because we place such a high price on the demands we make of ourselves. I really understand the grocery store dilemma. I'm right there with 'ya.

Did you know you can go on-line to the supermarket website, look at their sales circular and print out an exact shopping list? Maybe then you could send H (I did this past week and his only digression was Oreos).

I know you can be good to yourself. I am so sorry you are suffering and wish I could wave my magic wand and make it all go away. You are such a good mom, and caring person here on PC. Take gentle care.

[phoenix7]

so todays the day for the tests - hope it goes well - fingers crossed

[SpottedOwl]

(((((earthmama)))))

Sending lots of hugs!
Your strength is inspiring.

[lifelesstraveled]

((((EM)))))

Sending you vibes of strength, peace and quietude

Let us know how it goes!

LLT

Wow, what a day. I am just now finally able to sit down at 10pm. But I survived!!!

The BEST news is that my medical test had the BEST possible outcome!!!! I am so, so, so relieved. So relieved. Wow.

And kitty's appt went well too - he is having mini-strokes (he is 16) so he will take asprin twice a week. He is such an old man!

I've learned a LOT about myself over the past couple of days, and had some really huge realizations - good ones - that I will probably post in another thread when I have time/energy. I think therapy is actually helping....

Thank you so much PC friends. The craziness of this week (and month) isn't over yet, but I feel like I've made huge strides. All of the hugs and angels and PMs and support here mean more to mean than you can ever know. I am so grateful for each and every one of you

[tulips30]

earthmama I felt my eyes well-up as I was reading. You really do have a lot to handle at the same time. My thoughts are with you. I am so glad you have such a caring T. He's right......your heart will still be in that little box when you're ready to take it out.

tulips

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by earthmama

my medical test had the BEST possible outcome!!!!

EM, I am RELIEVED at your outcome. And your kitty's too.

[Simcha]

Originally Posted by earthmama

Wow, what a day. I am just now finally able to sit down at 10pm. But I survived!!!

The BEST news is that my medical test had the BEST possible outcome!!!! I am so, so, so relieved. So relieved. Wow.

And kitty's appt went well too - he is having mini-strokes (he is 16) so he will take asprin twice a week. He is such an old man!

I've learned a LOT about myself over the past couple of days, and had some really huge realizations - good ones - that I will probably post in another thread when I have time/energy. I think therapy is actually helping....

Thank you so much PC friends. The craziness of this week (and month) isn't over yet, but I feel like I've made huge strides. All of the hugs and angels and PMs and support here mean more to mean than you can ever know. I am so grateful for each and every one of you

Thank G-d!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((EM))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


Big Sam

Originally Posted by earthmama

The BEST news is that my medical test had the BEST possible outcome!!!! I am so, so, so relieved. So relieved. Wow.

(((((((em))))))) so glad to hear the news is good! i have been reading but not posting much the few days as i'm just pooped.

And kitty's appt went well too - he is having mini-strokes (he is 16) so he will take asprin twice a week. He is such an old man!

oh, sweet. my cat lived to be just shy of 16. here's hoping yours makes it even longer! now i have a cute little dog who tries to run on his short leash, lol.

I've learned a LOT about myself over the past couple of days, and had some really huge realizations - good ones - that I will probably post in another thread when I have time/energy. I think therapy is actually helping....

Thank you so much PC friends. The craziness of this week (and month) isn't over yet, but I feel like I've made huge strides. All of the hugs and angels and PMs and support here mean more to mean than you can ever know. I am so grateful for each and every one of you

so glad t is helping so much.

[sittingatwatersedge]

hurray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sannah]

What great good news!

[chaotic13]

EM, I am glad that all worked out for you and your Kitty.

[MissCharlotte]

I am so relieved for you. How frightening to worry about your health, especially as a mom of young children. I am sending you heaps of good wishes and much love.

((((((((earthmama))))))))