[peaches100]

. . .from the Book, Psychotherapy of the Borderline Patient, by James F. Masterson, p. 75:

"The borderline's conflict over intimacy revolves about a single theme: A close emotional involvement with another person (of either sex) activates and re-awakens his fear of being engulfed (i.e., pulled back into the symbiotic whirlpool) or abandoned. If he gets "too close," he feels he will be engulfed; if he gets "too far," he will be abandoned. From the interpersonal perspective, the patient is afraid of being engulfed or abandoned by the other person. From an intrapsychic perspective, he is afraid of loss of self or loss of the object."

p. 102:

"To avoid the pain of depression (withdrawing object relations unit-WORU), the patient frequently defends against the emergence of each segment of it by acting it out in the transference. This is such a constant temptation for borderline patients that it is probably the most prominent single resistance to treatment. The patient is impelled to "replay" his conflicts using the therapist as mother/father, thereby relieving his inner tension without having to face the suffering of the original conflicts that remembering and working through imply. Whether the patient is projecting the rewarding object relations unit (RORU) with its attendant positive affect or the WORU, with its attendant negative affect on the therapist, he is able to obtain regressive satisfaction or gratification that he is unable to achieve anywhere else in the reality of life. The acting out must be confronted and interpreted, after which the patient will return to working through."

Any thoughts?

[rainbow8]

My first T used object relations theory in my treatment. I read Masterson's book at that time. She, and my next T, were always trying to tell me that I was afraid of losing my self, of getting too close to them, so I pulled away. I never did understand or believe that I was doing that.

I don't understand the second quote very well. Is he saying that the client would rather indulge in the transference (something you know I relate very well to!) than to work through the original pain? That the transference is considered "acting out" and that the T has to confront the client and encourage him to work through it instead? Did I get any of that right?

As to whether I agree with it, I don't know. It's too theoretical for me, and the language is hard to understand. Do you think it relates to you and your T?

Thanks for your post!
Actually, I have fought with my T, trying to get him to be the paternal parental figure that I'm in constant search of. Finally, yesterday, I told him that I'd given up. I just sat there, hopeless, helpless, and despondent. I guess I was feeling the emotions and they weren't very fun. Thanks for the insight=)

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by peaches100

. . .from the Book, Psychotherapy of the Borderline Patient, by James F. Masterson, p. 75:

"The borderline's conflict over intimacy revolves about a single theme: A close emotional involvement with another person (of either sex) activates and re-awakens his fear of being engulfed (i.e., pulled back into the symbiotic whirlpool) or abandoned. If he gets "too close," he feels he will be engulfed; if he gets "too far," he will be abandoned. From the interpersonal perspective, the patient is afraid of being engulfed or abandoned by the other person. From an intrapsychic perspective, he is afraid of loss of self or loss of the object."

Any thoughts?

And does this problem that the "borderline" presents disqualify her from being treated usefully?

(I found the second paragraph too confusing to complete reading it.)

Originally Posted by rainbow8

My first T used object relations theory in my treatment.

What is object relations theory?

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for posting these quotes
(I found the second quote confusing too)

[chaotic13]

"Ah...may I be excused, my brain is full."

I know that I experience the conflicting emotions of feeling like I am being engulfed and worrying about being abandoned after becoming engulfed.

But for the most part...I have no idea what that quote means.

[peaches100]

I don't understand the second quote very well. Is he saying that the client would rather indulge in the transference (something you know I relate very well to!) than to work through the original pain?

That was what I got out of it too.

That the transference is considered "acting out" . . .?

The transference itself isn't the acting out. It's the dynamic that we create with our therapist where we begin to view them in the same way that we viewed other important people in our life. The acting out part is the action that the transference causes us to take. Here's an example from my life:

Numerous times in my childhood, my parents ignored my emotional needs, which made me feel very upset and unimportant to them. Then one day, t doesn't reply to a message right away because she is out sick. Not knowing why she has not returned my message, I assume she is blowing me off and begin to feel very upset and abandoned by her.

The transference is my assuming that my t was doing the same thing that my parents did to me (ignoring my needs) and then feeling abandoned and upset. Transference acting out would be if i then got furious with her and left an angry "thanks for nothing!" message and then maybe cancelling my session.

. . .and that the T has to confront the client and encourage him to work through it instead?

I'm not positive, but yes, that's what i think it means. Working through the transference would be sitting down with your t and discussing what happened. . .realizing that your reaction was based, not on currrent reality (your t purposely ignoring your needs), but it was based on the hurtful experience of having your needs overlooked as a child. The upset/hurt/anger belongs with that old experience, not the new one with the therapist. The new experience with the therapist was only a trigger.

So as not to keep getting triggered over and over like this in the present day, the t would want you to "work through" the transference experience you had with her. To realize that your reaction and the sad/hurt/angry feelings are based on the way your parents treated you, not how the t is treating you now. Working through might also involve expressing your sad/hurt/angry feelings about what happened in the past, and then be able to learn from them and move on.

The goal is to deal with the upsetting emotional experience from the past, so that current interactions (like t not returning a message right away, a friend not calling for awhile, etc.) doesn't continue setting off that trigger and that knee-jerk reaction of "so-and-so doesn't care about me. i'm not important" and all the horrible inner feelings that come with that belief.

[peaches100]

Rainbow,

Also, on the part about the patient preferring to act out the transference, rather than to confront the original pain from the past. . .

I don't know why the patient would prefer to do that. In my case, it usually feels like the situation and my feelings are related only to my t. I don't see how it fits in with the past. So my reactions and feelings are directed at my t, and not my parents. It's often not until my t and i talk about what happened that i realize i have pasted a past experience onto a current situation, and that my reactions do not fit with today's reality of what is happening between my t and i.

[peaches100]

PS - then again, i could be all wrong. . .

Sorry to use such a quote with such therapistic psycho-speak. This book is for therapists, rather than for clients. So it can be kind of hard to understand. That's why i wanted to see what other people thought about the quote. It kind be kind of hard to figure out. But it's fascinating stuff.

Maybe I'm nosy. . .part of the reason i want to read those books is because i want to know what therapists think about patients and why they think we do what we do. But then i also want to try to understand for myself why i react the way i do. Maybe it is also a trust/control issue? ("I'm going to research all this and know what you're doing as my therapist so that i feel in control and you can't pull one over on me!)