[Xtree]

and I need to grieve to see what all these feels are and sort through them. She said feeling are our friends, and I powerful and conflicting emotions that need to be expressed and let out. But how do you do that?

I know I suppress my feeling in general, so the thought of doing this seems almost impossible?

Thanks
Xtree

[imapatient]

Originally Posted by Xtree

and I need to grieve to see what all these feels are and sort through them. She said feeling are our friends, and I powerful and conflicting emotions that need to be expressed and let out. But how do you do that?

I know I suppress my feeling in general, so the thought of doing this seems almost impossible?

Thanks
Xtree

You're not the only one in that boat. I'm not good with emotions either--at all.

I'm looking forward to comments, too.

[cai23]

I don't what to do with my emotions either. I have terrible anger issues I don't deal with and never have and those are the ones that get me in alot of trouble....T and I are working on me learning to self sooth but I'm flunking.....

[searchingmysoul]

Hi, I am Searching and I am a feeling suppressor.

Xtree, my only advice would be to start slow. Try alittle bit at a time. See how you feel after. Pay attention to what comes up after you express you feelings (your internal dialogue) if it is negative or scary talk about that. Talk to your T about what you perceive her reaction to be to your emotions. These are all things that I have been working on doing.

I used to not be able to shed a tear or show any anger in session. I would sit and stuff my feelings. Then gradually (like months) my eyes would tear up and we talked ad nauseaum about what that was like for me. More recently, I have had some full on sobbing moments (they are still short but they are there). I have talked about what it means for me to cry in front of her, the internal dialogue I have when I cry (for me the internal stuff is probably the biggest obstacle) and my perception of her reaction to me crying.

Now we are starting to address showing anger, which I still don't show much if any at all...

Xtree

[Perna]

It doesn't happen all at once, it's not like a door that opens or dam that bursts, etc.

What helped me was picturing myself like a castle and when something affected me, I would pull up the drawbridge, drop the portcullis, close the gates, ready the boiling pitch on the ramparts and cue the alligators in the moat so fast that the person "upsetting" me didn't have time to even blink! I learned my defenses were really good! I'm a great defense maker! So, since I'm so good at defense, I'm "safe" and can experiment a little bit. I can go a little ways out beyond the walls and put my fingers in my ears and stick out my tongue :-) and see what happens. If something bad happens, not to worry, I'll shut down and protect myself. Play a game with yourself and see how honest you can be, how long you can stay "out" before you have to run? How much fear or pain can you stand? It will gradually increase as you "practice". That's the only way we can learn and grow is by experiencing these things. The more experience, the better/healthier we get.

[Xtree]

Originally Posted by searchingmysoul

Hi, I am Searching and I am a feeling suppressor.

Thank you very much! That is great advice. As you know putting what you know into action is very difficult but a good place to start. Certainly not an easy task. The trick is to just watch the thoughts without judging them. The last time I tried to write them down, become more aware of them, then what? That's the scary part. I think it takes a little courage or maybe a lot to emotionally go.

"Your feelings are your feeling are your feelings"

Thank you
Xtree

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by searchingmysoul

I used to not be able to shed a tear or show any anger in session ... then gradually (like months) my eyes would tear up and we talked ad nauseaum about what that was like for me. More recently, I have had some full on sobbing moments (they are still short but they are there). I have talked about what it means for me to cry in front of her, the internal dialogue I have when I cry ... and my perception of her reaction to me crying. Now we are starting to address showing anger, which I still don't show much if any at all...

Like Searching - my T told me I'd pushed my feelings down so far for so long I couldn't reach them any more, & was afraid of them. For me the anger came up first; to this day I still don't allow myself to shed a tear in T's presence even if it's killing me, and we never talk about that at all (I cringed when I read how open you are with your T, Searching, you;ve taught me something here).

About "how to" grieve & let buried emotions out, that's the reason I came to PC in the first place myself; I found a whole community of wise and caring people bringing up zillions of topics that have helped me in my own therapy, things I either woudln't have ever thought of or wouldhave taken forever to realize on my own. I guess the sequence of steps can vary a lot, but the eventual progress is the same; identifying / grieving your emotions does take time, don't worry if it does. And yr T will help you at every stage,you have a real friend and guide there.

Go gently, go at your own pace, come back and let us know how you;re doing.
Someone always has a pot of tea on, in this place

Originally Posted by Perna

It doesn't happen all at once, it's not like a door that opens or dam that bursts, etc.

What helped me was picturing myself like a castle and when something affected me, I would pull up the drawbridge, drop the portcullis, close the gates, ready the boiling pitch on the ramparts and cue the alligators in the moat so fast that the person "upsetting" me didn't have time to even blink! I learned my defenses were really good! I'm a great defense maker! So, since I'm so good at defense, I'm "safe" and can experiment a little bit. I can go a little ways out beyond the walls and put my fingers in my ears and stick out my tongue :-) and see what happens. If something bad happens, not to worry, I'll shut down and protect myself. Play a game with yourself and see how honest you can be, how long you can stay "out" before you have to run? How much fear or pain can you stand? It will gradually increase as you "practice". That's the only way we can learn and grow is by experiencing these things. The more experience, the better/healthier we get.

i love your analogy, complete with aligators.

i'm a stuffer as well. one thing that i used to do a lot was journaling and that really helped me to release my feelings. as for feelings being our friends i'll believe it when i see it.

[searchingmysoul]

Originally Posted by Xtree

Thank you very much! That is great advice. As you know putting what you know into action is very difficult but a good place to start. Certainly not an easy task. The trick is to just watch the thoughts without judging them. The last time I tried to write them down, become more aware of them, then what? That's the scary part. I think it takes a little courage or maybe a lot to emotionally go.

"Your feelings are your feeling are your feelings"

Thank you
Xtree

(((((Xtree)))))

Yeah that would be the next step...Not to completely freak out when my internal dialogue is loaded with negativity...I say terrible things to myself, paying attention to that has been eye opening, talking about it has been validating. I am still not great at stopping it but I am getting better a telling that part of me to take a hike.

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Like Searching - my T told me I'd pushed my feelings down so far for so long I couldn't reach them any more, & was afraid of them. For me the anger came up first; to this day I still don't allow myself to shed a tear in T's presence even if it's killing me, and we never talk about that at all (I cringed when I read how open you are with your T, Searching, you;ve taught me something here).

Go gently, go at your own pace, come back and let us know how you;re doing.
Someone always has a pot of tea on, in this place

((((((Sitting)))))) The open piece has evolved so much over this. I have been seeing my T for 14 months now and even I am a bit shocked at the progression. At first I went 2x a month and it was very surface, I was very controlled, just grazed over what was really bothering me. When my tears would come up and she would point them out, geez I just wanted to punch her in the face, I felt like she was making a spectacle of me...But over time acknowledging my tears helped me start to acknowledge my feelings. That I actually HAD feelings...Holy smoke. One of resolutions recently (now I go to T 1x per week, sometimes more if I am a mess) was to be as honest as I could in therapy...Sometimes that is not very much, sometimes it is a lot...But it has been a turning point for me, you see, there was no honesty in my fam of origin, still isn't. All I knew was to lie and cover and hide, getting honest and facing my fear that something will happen if I tell my truth (and by truth I mean set a boundary or own my feelings or ask for what I need) has opened up something new entirely...I can't put words to it exactly...Maybe how to just "be" and not having to modify myself to fit someone else.

Sorry that went on a tangent...Hope it is helpful.

[Xtree]

Originally Posted by reflection

as for feelings being our friends i'll believe it when i see it.

That what she said! She said she had to stop saying that to clients because she got just that response! I agree with you in my heart but my brain knows what she says is true, so I am working on it.

[lifelesstraveled]

Originally Posted by Xtree

and I need to grieve to see what all these feels are and sort through them. She said feeling are our friends, and I powerful and conflicting emotions that need to be expressed and let out. But how do you do that?

I know I suppress my feeling in general, so the thought of doing this seems almost impossible?

Thanks
Xtree

(((xtree))))

I think everyone here can definitely relate to suppressing emotions, and is probably one of the plethora of reasons (for me anyways) that landed us in therapy in the first place. I knew I had a problem when one day my mother got me so incredibly angry that I was literally shaking from the inside out, but I didn't let it out. I held it and let it shake me to the core, which resulted in me calling and setting up my an appt with my current T.

I was watching a movie last week and one of the characters in the movie said something along the lines of, sometimes feeling nothing is the only way to survive, which I completely understood. And it's probably what we all had to do to survive in one way or another. But now that we are older we older and ready to move forward that method of survival no longer works.

It's hard and it's not all going to come at once, as I am beginning to see, but in time it will come for you