Ugh, now I feel worse....T replied....

He said, "I have received it but havent read it yet. If you could bring a hard copy to the session I would appreciate it"....

I responded, "No problem"....

So, now I feel unimportant, that I bothered him with my stupid, long winded e-mail...and that he's not even going to take the time to read it before meeting with me.

*sigh*

I guess he IS only getting paid for the time that I am there. So, he doesn't owe me any more than that.

((((((((((((((((((((((mixed))))))))))))))))))))))))

It sounds like he IS interested in what you have to say in your e-mail, but probably honestly hasn't had the time to look at it. I know that many, many, many Ts don't "do" e-mail....that is something you can ask him about when you see him tomorrow.

Hang in there....I bet you will feel much better after seeing him and discussing all of your questions and concerns in person tomorrow....

Ahhh,
I am so sorry that you didn't get the response you wanted!!! I hate that...Please remember though and I have this drilled in my head all the time seriously e-mails don't convey emotions or facial expressions so with that you don't know that he wasn't really sad or showing allot of concern. Please know that you are important and as was stated some T's don't do e-mails as they can be time consuming but you will soon know...I hope you will soon be there at your appointment so this will relive your anxiety I know this has to be so hard, but I am very proud of you for speaking up despite not knowing what he would say that was a very courageous step!!!
MC

Thanks.....As my user name states, I have such mixed up emotions about all this. I guess I'll know more tomorrow, and I hope to feel relieved when I walk out of his office. I just don't want to feel like I do right now.....like I am somehow bothering him with my problems...that I'm weak and just annoying him....I would hate to think that he feels like I am already "one of those" clients....whatever that's supposed to mean.....

As the time draws closer to my appointment, I am getting more and more anxious...nervous...I usually have a hard shell....but not right now.

Ria

(((((((Mixedemotions)))))))

I admire you for trying and hanging in there...I can't wait for you too have your appointment and for it to go well I am sorry that your so anxious and I can so understand why...Hang in there and soon it will be over and you will be relived and one way or another you will at least know more about him.... Take care,

MC

I know I'm jumping to conclusions. I guess I want so much to be a priority because I have SO many things that I am feeling and dealing with...but yet I know his reality is so different. I can't imagine the pressure he is under to be available for all of his clients.

*sigh*

And then I feel like I'm going to forget as soon as I walk in there what I need to talk about....

UGH!!!

Ria

Oh and this may seem silly....but I didn't like that he did not capitalize my name or any of the sentences....or properly sign his name to the e-mail he sent me. It felt like it wasn't even from him....I have a feeling he may have texted it to me instead of using e-mail, so his signature line was not there.

Now I KNOW I'm losing my marbles.....

I am just being overly sensitive....and this is SO not me....

I wonder if your T wants to meet you first before reading it. He wants to be able to read it with a bit of knowledge about you so it will be even more meaningful.

While my T will accept writings, she prefers for me to bring them and talk about them in session. She would like to hear it in my own voice so she isn't putting anything in there herself. So I wonder if this is where your T is coming from too.

Going to your first appointment anxious or very anxious is okay. You can go and be anxious at the same time. T's totally expect anxiousness in the beginning of therapy. After 2 years I'm still working on that, but it's so good to have T to work with on that.

Have a great appointment!

Thanks for the reassurance.....

I am a basketcase this morning. Aside from trying to get over the worst stomach bug that I've ever had in my life, I can't help but have trouble taking deep breaths, the knot in the pit of my stomach, the urge to cry....I'm not used to feeling like this.

I leave in an hour for the appointment....a whole HOUR.....

MUE, I am sorry that you are feeling stress about this appt! It is normal though to feel anxious like this before a first appt.