[Jessika_Smile]

So me and my boyfriend who are very troubled at the moment both go to the same office for therapy. We see two different doctors.

My therapist has told his therapist a few things that we've discussed, and it's kinda trickled down to my boyfriend. My boyfriend's therapist has repeated some things that me and my therapist have talked about...

This has caused fights between me and my boyfriend. (obviously it would!)

I can't imagine this happening. I thought that what is discussed in therapy stays there. I'm so shocked that this has happened and it makes me so mad! I feel very violated.

What should I do?!?!

[chaotic13]

YOU SHOULD BE SHOCKED and it shouldn't of happened. I would talk with your T directly about this. Where my T works there are several T. At one point I tried to get my H to see one of the other T. My T and I talked about this. One of the things I wanted to know was if my H saw someone there would there then be cross talk between her and the other T. She said definately NOT, she would never share the contents of our individual sessions with the other T. If info is shared it would be done in a joint session and H and I would be the people sharing it.

I would talk to your T about this especially if it was your bf who told you that he learned "whatever" from his T. My H saw my T for one session really on. At that time we were supposed to be focusing on helping our son. When my H came home he told me all the stuff he talked about during the session. I was shocked and really upset. The whole session was spent discussing our relationship and details of our sex life. This was the first and only time he had met this women. When I got angry and said.. What about "johnny", we are trying to help him! Then my H realized how made and violated I felt, he then shifted the blame on to my T. Said that she kept asking him questions... So he answered them! I later found out from my T, that my H was the one directing where the conversation went that day. I believe this because my T really does kind of let me chose the discussion topics.

All I am saying is before you totally flip out, make sure what your bf told you was disclosed by his T in therapy actually was disclosed.

[imapatient]

Where I am, and in general everywhere best I know, T's are verboten from talking to anyone about their patient's. In, fact, it's illegal for them to disclose to another person--even to another T. here. Depending on what type of T you have, the Amer. Psychological Assoc. has an ethical code that doesn’t allow sharing like that. Unless you signed something to allow sharing of your stuff, your T (and the other one, too, apparently) has violated one of the most important rules--confidentiality.

The exceptions to sharing info are in an emergency situation they can share some info (you're about to kill yourself, harm another person), being legally required to by the courts, and they consult with each other about their cases. In those though, they're not supposed to share details that would make the patient identifiable, i.e., it's supposed to keep your identity secret. I'd think that when 2 T's know they're seeing spouses/siblings/SO's/etc. they shouldn't consult with each other about those patients.

The fact that you H saw your T even once is troubling, but I don't know the details. My T's have said they won't see a patient’s siblings, close friends, relatives, spouses,--anyone with a significant relationship to their patient.

It sounds like time to get a new T (for sure—how will you ever trust her again?) and maybe file complaints for such horrible violations. But first check in with your the T's to make sure you have the real story down.

[sunrise]

[quote=imapatient]The fact that you H saw your T even once is troubling, but I don't know the details. My T's have said they won't see a patient’s siblings, close friends, relatives, spouses,--anyone with a significant relationship to their patient.[/quote]
I think you are referring to the one session chaotic's H had with her therapist, and I agree, that did not go well at all. However, this wasn't necessarily a breach of protocol. Depending on the therapist's training, it can be very common for the therapist to see multiple members of one family, in different combinations (with the agreement of all involved, of course). The therapist receives training for this, knows how to handle it, and is skilled in providing therapeutic support to all involved. One philosophy/approach that has this at its core is Family Systems Therapy. This is the modality of therapy that my T was trained in and practices, as well as the family therapist that my daughter and I see together. My T has successfully used it in my family. We have had individual sessions, couples sessions with me and my H (quite a few), and a session or two with the whole family (4 of us). In addition, my H and I have had joint sessions with both my T and a child therapist. T's trained in this way are very versatile. An important goal of this therapy is to get the family members communicating again--re-engaging in dialog, abandonment of which is a common problem in families or in couples. The therapist promotes dialog by encouraging (re-)establishment of trust among family members as they talk, listen, and validate in a safe place--the therapist's offic--and then extend this to outside. If therapists are not trained in this approach they may not be able to manage the challenge of multiple allegiances within a multiple client grouping system so I have heard before that some therapists will not practice this way (see more than one family member from a family). It is good when therapists realize what lies outside of their scope of practice. My H and I have a couples session coming up with my T. It's been a long time for us and it is not high on my wish list, but I trust my T. And my H accepted my T's invitation for a joint session, so I guess I better go....

Sorry for the sidetrack...

Jessika, regarding your case, what happened was completely wrong. I hope you can get the facts you need to really know what happened and call your T onto the carpet for it. Do you think you would leave your T because of this? Since it involved 2 therapists at the same clinic (if this is indeed what turns out to have happened), it seems like the head of the clinic should be informed of the ethical breaches going on in his/her clinic. Good luck sorting this out. Very painful.

[ECHOES]

If you want to continue to see your therapist, discuss this with your therapist to clarify what happened and tell him exactly how you feel about what he has done, and that he cannot share anything you tell him with anyone, without your prior consent.

[chaotic13]

I just wanted to clarify on my situation. My H saw T very early in the process. I had sought help for my son...not me or my marriage. My T met with me 2x alone, then with my son 2x- I was present for most of there 1st visit, then once with my H. Although, I was scared to death that my T would disclose either accidentally or on purpose stuff I had told her, I really don't think she breached my trust. My H is the one who breached my trust at that point. I think my T was just doing her job, collecting information about the home situation. It was my H who got defensive with the topic of our son and shifted the conversation to blaming me and our sex life for his aggression. At first I was angry at both my T and my H. But as more of pieces of what happened during that session surfaced, its clear my H was the one who chose to focus on his wants and needs and not on our son. I will also say...that even after a year and a half, my T has NEVER mentioned anything to me about what my H said during his session. What I know about what was said came from my H, not her. I respect her for that.

Jess, I think you have every right to be upset if what your bf say is true. All I recommend is that you do a little fact finding before blowing up and filing any type of complaint. I would ask your T directly...did you communicate about me to this other T? Maybe your bf was just fishing for info, and landed a hit.

[Kiya]

OUCH! repeating what everyone has already said, do talk with your T about it, see what was said, and make sure T understands what this has caused in your relationship. See where things stand between you and T and if T cannot keep your info confidential, get out of there and find a better one.
Kiya

[imapatient]

[quote=sunrise;993215]

Originally Posted by imapatient

The fact that you H saw your T even once is troubling, but I don't know the details. My T's have said they won't see a patient’s siblings, close friends, relatives, spouses,--anyone with a significant relationship to their patient.[/quote]
I think you are referring to the one session chaotic's H had with her therapist, and I agree, that did not go well at all. However, this wasn't necessarily a breach of protocol. Depending on the therapist's training, it can be very common for the therapist to see multiple members of one family, in different combinations (with the agreement of all involved, of course). The therapist receives training for this, knows how to handle it, and is skilled in providing therapeutic support to all involved. One philosophy/approach that has this at its core is Family Systems Therapy. This is the modality of therapy that my T was trained in and practices, as well as the family therapist that my daughter and I see together. My T has successfully used it in my family. We have had individual sessions, couples sessions with me and my H (quite a few), and a session or two with the whole family (4 of us). In addition, my H and I have had joint sessions with both my T and a child therapist. T's trained in this way are very versatile. An important goal of this therapy is to get the family members communicating again--re-engaging in dialog, abandonment of which is a common problem in families or in couples. The therapist promotes dialog by encouraging (re-)establishment of trust among family members as they talk, listen, and validate in a safe place--the therapist's offic--and then extend this to outside. If therapists are not trained in this approach they may not be able to manage the challenge of multiple allegiances within a multiple client grouping system so I have heard before that some therapists will not practice this way (see more than one family member from a family). It is good when therapists realize what lies outside of their scope of practice. My H and I have a couples session coming up with my T. It's been a long time for us and it is not high on my wish list, but I trust my T. And my H accepted my T's invitation for a joint session, so I guess I better go....

Thanks. Didn't realize how expansive that practice is.