[arachne66]

Hi, I'm new here.

I've been having a really weird reaction in therapy lately. I've been with this T for about a year and find him to be very insightful and validating, even when he does battle with my cognitive distortions and faulty beliefs...

But lately I've been shutting down even before the sessions begin. It is so weird, my mind gets very foggy and I start to giggle out of embarrassment. I begin to feel like a little child, my thoughts just leave the building so I can't even describe what's going on, and I feel like I want to hide under his desk. I don't...but the urge is strong.

I told him at our last session what was going on with me, that I didn't feel like myself and he didn't force any issues, had me sit with the emotion and describe if I could what was happening. I was embarrassed.

What is going on with me? I have been dealing with painful issues, but I don't feel as if I'm being forced into it at all. Am I going crazy?

[pachyderm]

Some kind of mental defense mechanism is happening. Can you figure what thoughts are in your mind just before the shutting down starts?

[3velniai]

You're not going crazy Like pachy said, this is some kind of defense mechanism, it will get easier when you find out what triggers it.

[phoenix7]

Welcome arachne66,

I agree - you are trying to protect yourself by avoidig an issue that is hard for you - you prob dont know what that is - keep talking with T and im sure you will work it out - you are not going crazy!

[arachne66]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

Some kind of mental defense mechanism is happening. Can you figure what thoughts are in your mind just before the shutting down starts?

Thanks for your response! When I try and figure out my thoughts prior to shutting down I begin to shut down even at home.

I suppose it'll come out when I'm ready.

J

[arachne66]

Originally Posted by 3velniai

You're not going crazy Like pachy said, this is some kind of defense mechanism, it will get easier when you find out what triggers it.

Thanks for reassuring me! I've been in therapy off and on for a few years and something like this has never happened before. This is my first male therapist, maybe that's triggering something?

J

[arachne66]

Originally Posted by phoenix7

Welcome arachne66,

I agree - you are trying to protect yourself by avoidig an issue that is hard for you - you prob dont know what that is - keep talking with T and im sure you will work it out - you are not going crazy!

Thanks so much for the reassurance! I'll try to keep T aware of what's going on. He handled it very gently and respectfully so I'm sure we'll get to the bottom of this. It kind of scares me, though. I wonder what is underneath it all?

J

[Xtree]

I understand how you feel, this happens to me all the time. I usually know everything I want to discuss but something seems to happen while I am waiting in the lobby. I am not sure if it is anxiety, nerves, or just plain fear of what we will discus or what feels will be aroused.

Do not worry, it is very normal. Writing a list of topic you want to discus or a list of the weekly issues helps me. When I shut down and forget I look at my notes. Hope this helps.

Xtree

[arachne66]

Originally Posted by Xtree

I understand how you feel, this happens to me all the time. I usually know everything I want to discuss but something seems to happen while I am waiting in the lobby. I am not sure if it is anxiety, nerves, or just plain fear of what we will discus or what feels will be aroused.

Do not worry, it is very normal. Writing a list of topic you want to discus or a list of the weekly issues helps me. When I shut down and forget I look at my notes. Hope this helps.

Xtree

It's good to know that it happens to others besides me. I've brought journal entries before, and have written down dreams to show T and that does seem to help get me past the hump. I'll do it this week and see if it helps.

We'll keep plugging away at this!

[mixedup_emotions]

I think that it's awesome that you are so self-aware. That is huge! And that you brought it up to your T is another accomplishment! I envy your ability to recognize and be so honest. You are well on your way to getting to the bottom of the issues and working through them.

[Sannah]

Do you think that maybe your childhood feelings want to come out when this happens???????????

[Xtree]

Originally Posted by arachne66

It's good to know that it happens to others besides me. I've brought journal entries before, and have written down dreams to show T and that does seem to help get me past the hump. I'll do it this week and see if it helps.

We'll keep plugging away at this!

That's great arachne66! Come back and let us know how it works for you.

Xtree

[kim_johnson]

is it a feeling maybe than a thought maybe.

something like...

a crush? like that which a little kid would have on their dad?

a kind of... self consciousness but knowledge that she is accepted and happiness yet embarrassment that she is seen kind of a thing?

[arachne66]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Do you think that maybe your childhood feelings want to come out when this happens???????????

It could be. It's so bizarre, I'm in my 40's and have never experienced anything like this. And I feel like a young child when it happens, even my voice and mannerisms seem young.

[arachne66]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Do you think that maybe your childhood feelings want to come out when this happens???????????

Originally Posted by kim_johnson

is it a feeling maybe than a thought maybe.

something like...

a crush? like that which a little kid would have on their dad?

a kind of... self consciousness but knowledge that she is accepted and happiness yet embarrassment that she is seen kind of a thing?

Not a crush, but that would be really hard for me to talk about if it happened. This was more shame and anxiety and the urge to hide. I've had difficult relationships and experiences with men all my life. This is my first male T, I'm wondering if this has anything to do with the shutting down?

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by arachne66

It could be. It's so bizarre, I'm in my 40's and have never experienced anything like this. And I feel like a young child when it happens, even my voice and mannerisms seem young.

Difficult upbringings stunt emotional development. All of us here came into adulthood with the emotional development of 4 -5 year olds. You have to start where you are at and if this is where you are at there is nothing to be ashamed of. It is normal. Growing up emotionally can go pretty quickly with focus and work.

Originally Posted by arachne66

This was more shame and anxiety and the urge to hide.

I have certainly experienced this before. You have every right to your feelings and to be right where you are.