[sittingatwatersedge]

Phoenix7 wrote >>> i dont think having a T that threatened to terminate me would be helpful fo rme - it would make me unsure whether I could share stuff with her in case she kicked me out the next session - I would eventually lose trust and shut down

I read this and WHAM. I realize that for many months I have been telling T I have thoughts about quitting ...it happens in the between times... and I was only telling her because "they say" you should tell everything you can, even if it is hard ... but now I wonder whether I have eroded her trust in me as client, if I can put it that way.
Do you suppose her training can really allow her to hear this again and again, and not eventually drive out her desire to help? No matter how many times I say, but I don't feel that way NOW, what seems to stick in her mind is that I thought about it....

[Mouse_]

I think T is responsible for how she feels about your threats to quit...its ok to threaten to quit and it makes a good topic to discuss if T ever says "you know I am unsure as to what your true intentions are"

[mightaswelllive]

This is so interesting. There seems to be a lot of discussion on whether or not we trust our Ts and perhaps a lot of discussion with them about if we trust them but very little about if they trust us.

What does it mean for T to trust me? Does it mean she trusts I'm safe with myself and others? Does it mean she trusts that I'm going to use her words to help me? Does it mean she trusts that what I say to her is really what I feel and think? Does it mean she trusts that I trust her? etc etc

It's an interesting thought at very least. I'm not sure how to tackle it.

[Behindthecouch]

Hey,

The difference is that she is trained to hear this kind of stuff... you are not. It IS essential that you tell her how you feel, especially if you feel like quitting so that you can both decide if it is something that would be a good idea - would be right for you.

Also, remember that T has probably gone through her own therapy and will be familiar with these feelings first hand and will understand how hard it is for you. You don't need to protect T. That is not your job. You just need to focus on and look after yourself. And you're doing a fine job.

re:trust issues, weirdly we are having a discussion about this between both therapists and clients if you are interested
http://behindthecouchblog.blogspot.c...st-client.html

[peaches100]

OOOOOO! OOOOOOO! Interesting questions. You should ask your t this this. I'd love to hear the reply.

What does it mean for T to trust me? Does it mean she trusts I'm safe with myself and others? Does it mean she trusts that I'm going to use her words to help me? Does it mean she trusts that what I say to her is really what I feel and think? Does it mean she trusts that I trust her? etc etc

[srose]

Hi- I've been doing the same thing recently with bringing up quitting here and there and have also wondered if my T would loose trust or tune me out to some degree. I think the question to ask yourself is why do we "think" about quitting and what is going on in the therapy process that may be contributing to these thoughts. For me, I feel that it is a defense mechanism and I have talked about it with my T..but I still feel it-so I still need to bring it up.

@behind the couch- hi- I know it's not our job to worry about how they feel and I know that therapists get training in this, but these insecure feelings to pop up and it's hard to ignore.

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by srose

I think the question to ask yourself is why do we "think" about quitting and what is going on in the therapy process that may be contributing to these thoughts.

speaking only for myself
** fear of being manipulative (am I protective of your feelings T because I need something from you, not because of respect gratitude or whatever)
** fear of being a malingerer ( don't believe I deserve any help so tell myself I can't really need any. We discussed that if I start doing a certain thing it would be good news to my DH, but I haven't done it, and now she says, you should do it for yourself, but I feel zero ZERO draw to do something "for me", who am i after all- I am the Needless Wonder, remember)
** being misunderstood by DH or family - or friends (stigma/shame)
** huge self doubt
** and mostly, fear of screwing up therapy (which when you put all of this together can screw up therapy can't it)

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

Do you suppose her training can really allow her to hear this again and again, and not eventually drive out her desire to help?

Yes, I believe her training allows her to do this.

No matter how many times I say, but I don't feel that way NOW, what seems to stick in her mind is that I thought about it....

I would bring this up with her. It sounds like you are not feeling heard. In the past you have told her you felt like quitting, but now you don't feel that way and she can't let it drop? If she keeps bringing it up again and again, can you say something like, "I did feel that way a while ago and I shared that with you, but I don't feel that way anymore. It seems like you keep bringing this up with me. Why is that? I would prefer to not keep repeating what we've already gone over unless you think there is a reason to. I'd actually rather move on and work on _________. "

I don't think you have to worry so much about whether she trusts you as a client. Therapists are very used to clients just quitting abruptedly and not coming back. If you do this, she would be able to handle it, and I don't think she would let this interfere with providing therapy to you.

[ECHOES]

No matter how many times I say, but I don't feel that way NOW, what seems to stick in her mind is that I thought about it....

Perhaps it is a technique of 'striking while the iron is cold'. Sometimes it is easier to talk about something when we aren't in the midst of the feelings about it. I think she must feel there is much to explore and learn about for now and if it happens again, so you can both feel familiar with what happens to begin the process that ends with you thinking about quitting. If you explore it each time you may find a pattern there that will be helpful and useful to know about.

[phoenix7]

EEK! you mean someone reads my posts!!!!!

I think the difference is this - P7 is insecure, always looking for the meaning behind the meaning behind the meaning and by the way what did she mean by that? SO if T mentiond letting me go - I would naturally assume it was because she had found out how thoroughly rotten I was and had totally washed her hands of me because I had finally P+++ed her off royally EEK! maybe thats why she's leaving

If we say to T - I am thinking of quitting - I think it opens a door to finding out why and what is happening in our heads to make us think that way and can lead to establishing patterns of thought that we may need to change in order to heal - JMO