Actually feeling better after therapy; and about being a cat

So, usually therapy leaves me stressed and frustrated and I get a headache and feel stuck, and keep getting everything wrong. And I can't quit because I have to find the way through this because I don't want to fail again.

I rather expected more of the same this time. I have been working on the DBT skills and diary card and stuff that I teach to other people, and was going to present that to T, but I was afraid she would just think I got it all wrong somehow.

I started with something I actually thought about from last time. I keep searching for someplace I can belong, and last time T asked me why I can't belong where I am now. At first I thought because I never stay anywhere and I've lived here for 2 years, but no place is ever home. But what I figured out is that I keep searching because I don't know how to belong. It's not the environment, it's me. T also pointed out that it's hard to have a sense of belonging and still maintain the core beliefs that I'm invisible and everyone hates me. Might be necessary to give those up and replace them with something.

Replace them with what? T asked what my goal is, and I didn't know. So I played with the cats. And repeated, as I have a zillion times in the last few months, that I just want to be a cat. T said she can't help me with that one, so I went back to playing with the cats for a while. Then came up with "I would like to be confident about who I am and what I feel, think, want, need; and be able to express that stuff even if someone else doesn't approve of it." And then I observed that cats are good at that.

So, my new goal is to be more catlike.

Cats:

• know what they like
• are good at finding and getting what they like
• are comfortable with who they are
• accept themselves as they are
• expect to be appreciated
• don't worry about who doesn't like them
• might use invisibility when it suits their purposes, but don't think they are invisible most of the time - they expect to be noticed.

What other catlike qualities can you think of that might be good to adopt?

It occurred to me after I left that cats are pretty narcissistic, and I don't want to be narcissistic, but then everything needs to be in balance, so maybe I shouldn't be worrying about that part of it yet since these qualities are still going to be hard for me. I can worry about the other side of it if I start taking it too far.

So, my goal is to be a cat. And I actually had a productive session, with a cat purring in my lap, and T only had to stare at me a little bit, and I don't have a headache or feel hopeless or think that T probably hates me for wasting her time.

Well, now I know why I like cats. I just love them, but I've never thought why. I can relate to everything you said. I'm happy you had such a great session.

Im glad you had a good session too - and she has cats? how good is that! pet therapy at the same time as T

Hmm other cat attributes..... they know when you need a hug, they know how to play, how to find fun in everything that moves, they appreciate quiet time as well as busy times, they are definately "in the moment" so they appear to have mindfullness sorted!

They keep themselves clean and tidy, they eat their vegies (Chocolate mint, grass and catnip for my kitties )and they have no problem whatsoever in showing their emotions

Rap, I sometimes try to learn stuff from my dog, I mean that, I mean she does what she has to do in the moment, but then its gone, wow what an existence LOL! Mind you, I do prefer to use an indoor Toilet LOL!!!

O M G!!!!!!!!!!!! Woo hoooooooooooooo!!!!!! What good work you did!!!!!!!!!! I am so happy for you Rapunzel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yay, cats!

Hi,
I like that question because I too love cat's even though we have a dog right now. Cats are:
- independent/ let you pet them only when only when they feel like it/ purr when they're happy/take naps/are choosy about their food/ they're brave and can climb to the top of trees.
Take care.