[imapatient]

How are you?

[phoenix7]

How are you going with Austin T and pdoc? hope things are going well

[deliquesce]

aww... hi guys .

i've been keeping my head down a bit. my ptsd-stuff got triggered pretty badly after that guy asked me out, and now we're going out on a second date, so it's getting worse. i don't know how to cope with it.

i tried telling pdoc but he thought it was great that ppl were asking me out. i dont think he gets how scary this is for me. and i tried to tell him some of my thoughts, but he was like "you don't need to jump ahead that far", but i *do*, yknow? because otherwise what's the point of going out to begin with.

anyway. so i'm a bit down again . i know the best thing for my mood would be to stop seeing this guy but i'm also torn because i don't want to shut myself away from people and possible relationships. and this person seems nice because he hasnt tried any fast moves on me (like every other guy i've been out with). i even had to initiate a hug!! so he seems safe .

but i just feel sick, and i dont know what to do. austin-T is enforcing the "only talk about uni" boundary, but pdoc is just so happy and excited for me that he fails to also get how bad this is.

i wish i was normal.

[mixedup_emotions]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

aww... hi guys .

i've been keeping my head down a bit. my ptsd-stuff got triggered pretty badly after that guy asked me out, and now we're going out on a second date, so it's getting worse. i don't know how to cope with it.

i tried telling pdoc but he thought it was great that ppl were asking me out. i dont think he gets how scary this is for me. and i tried to tell him some of my thoughts, but he was like "you don't need to jump ahead that far", but i *do*, yknow? because otherwise what's the point of going out to begin with.

anyway. so i'm a bit down again . i know the best thing for my mood would be to stop seeing this guy but i'm also torn because i don't want to shut myself away from people and possible relationships. and this person seems nice because he hasnt tried any fast moves on me (like every other guy i've been out with). i even had to initiate a hug!! so he seems safe .

but i just feel sick, and i dont know what to do. austin-T is enforcing the "only talk about uni" boundary, but pdoc is just so happy and excited for me that he fails to also get how bad this is.

i wish i was normal.

I feel like it's important for at least one of these docs to really address how you're feeling and work with you on it. Perhaps telling your pdoc what you said in this post would help him understand the seriousness of what you're feeling. Or maybe he's trying to help you trust the parts of you that "can do this" in an attempt to help build your self-confidence, a trust in yourself. Being assertive with your pdoc about how it's not working might help!

[phoenix7]

good to hear from you Deli, glad you are getting out and about but sorry it is triggering you - maybe you could ask Austin -T to do some relaxation stuff with you ? that would still be relevant to uni stuff too.

Telling Pdoc that you are struggling is prob a good thing to do too - I know he's happ with you going out - getting more of a life - but if you are being triggered he needs to know that - take care and as a very wise person said to me - dont isolate yourself ok

[imapatient]

You are normal. Everyone has apprehensions and doubts about getting involved in relationships that might end becoming intimate.

You're seeing black and white.

You don't have to shut yourself away from people vs. getting into something intimate. IF you really hit it off, yes, you can literally be "friends" without pressure of needing to push/take it further. I was very absolute when I was your age about any relationship with women being only if it were romantic/sexual--no platonic female friends. In my mind I believed that any woman who didn't want an intimate relationship with me was rejecting me therefore, so why would I want to have a friendship with someone who's rejected me (mentally) as inferior for being a “boyfriend." Major mistake on my part. Missed on a lot of friendships and possible romantic relationships. Things can begin platonically and then maybe advance--and over a long period of time.

I think you should let him know you like him, but that you have a lot on your plate right now, among them dealing with some past issues that are "relationship" oriented that you have to be very slow and careful to learn to trust. Have the social contact and make a friend but keep boundaries straight and don't get lost in what you want (relationship) vs. what you most need.

Many hugs that I neglected to send before.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

austin-T is enforcing the "only talk about uni" boundary

Why can't you talk to your T about other topics? Why do you have to talk only about uni? That sounds so restrictive, no punitive. I hope you can find someone to talk to about whatever your most pressing needs are.

[imapatient]

some more

[deliquesce]

Originally Posted by imapatient

You are normal. Everyone has apprehensions and doubts about getting involved in relationships that might end becoming intimate.

You're seeing black and white.

You don't have to shut yourself away from people vs. getting into something intimate. IF you really hit it off, yes, you can literally be "friends" without pressure of needing to push/take it further. I was very absolute when I was your age about any relationship with women being only if it were romantic/sexual--no platonic female friends. In my mind I believed that any woman who didn't want an intimate relationship with me was rejecting me therefore, so why would I want to have a friendship with someone who's rejected me (mentally) as inferior for being a “boyfriend." Major mistake on my part. Missed on a lot of friendships and possible romantic relationships. Things can begin platonically and then maybe advance--and over a long period of time.

I think you should let him know you like him, but that you have a lot on your plate right now, among them dealing with some past issues that are "relationship" oriented that you have to be very slow and careful to learn to trust. Have the social contact and make a friend but keep boundaries straight and don't get lost in what you want (relationship) vs. what you most need.

Many hugs that I neglected to send before.

thanks for the hugs, impy . i have friends, and most of my friends are guys. i don't have a problem either making or keeping them. i do have a problem with relationships, but i don't want to wait for 10+ years of therapy before i am 'good' enough to be in one. the best way to learn is through experience, after all. i can't see this dating going anywhere long term, but already it has been nice in that he hasn't sleazed onto me, has offered to do kind things etc. i didn't think guys would be like that.

of course the argument is that it destabilises me, but i guess there never was going to be a good time to work through this stuff. and i do want to work through it. not because i want a relationship (or think i 'need' it), but just because if someone ever does come along who is interested in me, and whom i'm interested in, i want to be in a place where i can pursue it without my issues messing it up.

Originally Posted by sunrise

Why can't you talk to your T about other topics? Why do you have to talk only about uni? That sounds so restrictive, no punitive. I hope you can find someone to talk to about whatever your most pressing needs are.

it's kind of a safety thing, for me. my last T used to talk to me about everything, really dig in, and in the end it was unsafe. i don't trust this T enough to talk about it anyway, so i do like that he enforces this boundary. it was something i requested, and i appreciate so much that he takes it seriously (the last T ignored it, and got fed up with me when i wanted to talk about uni stuff).
and uni is pressing. if i didnt have this boundary, i would never talk about it, and it would be left neglected. but the downside is that i am finding it hard to get support for other stuff, but i will probably just have to be more assertive with pdoc tomorrow.