[Rubylizard]

my boyfriend and i have been together for about three years and 4 months. we've been living together for over a year. i want to marry him, but i don't know why he hasn't proposed! i feel really down on myself.... i feel it is because i am too unstable and needy and he is scared of me (i have a phobia and anxiety problems). we've said we want to be together forever, but why won't he give me a ring. he once said we didn't have enough money for a wedding, which is true, but i just want to get engaged! and he spends tons of money on books, comic books and stuff like that (we're both big geeky kids at heart)....why can't he spare some of the money for me?? i feel guilty saying that. and his dad is a jeweler! he could get a stone from him for cheap!!!! ugh. i don't know. any advice? what should i do??
i just feel like i'm a freak and he doesn't want me even though he says he does.

[mj14]

Ruby,

Have you told him you want to be engaged? Men often think differently about being engaged. If you have talked about wanting to be together forever, yet you can't afford a wedding right now, he might think that everything is fine the way it is, and that engagement will come when you're ready to start planning the wedding.

You know, there's nothing wrong with having a discussion about your relationship and your feelings for each other. Unless you tell him how you feel, he most likely won't know.

Good luck,
Jo

[Rubylizard]

thanks for the responses. i still don't know what to do. the whole reason i'm obsessing about this in the first place is because my stupid T decided it was something i should be concerned about. before that it didn't bother me, now i can't get it out of my head and feel that something's wrong because it isn't happening.
my T suggested i talk to my boyfriend about it and we did discuss things. i know he wants to marry me at some point. but we never said when. to me, that would be like me proposing to him, which is what i don't want to happen and i feel that's the only thing that can come from me trying to talk to him about it. i almost feel as though its been ruined already just by discussing it in the first place. just not how i imagined this sort of thing went down. not at all like my childhood fantasies. but whatever.
i guess if i don't talk to him i really will go insane!

he loves his comic books more than you. you love him, but obviously he's not ready.
here's what you do, open those two things on your face.. called eyes, and realize it! you are worth more, you dont need to blame yourself or even use your problems as a reason either...
why would anyone buy milk when you have a dairy in your house?

[jmo531]

I dont think he is afraid of long term commitment because you guys have been together for a while. However, current husband and I were together for 5 years before we married. I think that open communication is the best thing. Dont put pressure on him but let him know how you are feeling. Let him know that you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him. See how that goes. I wish you luck. But remember, im my experience, men dont think like women. We pretty much have to draw them a picture. LOL

No offense Ry!!!! You know I love you.