[rina_francis]

ive been with him for almost 3 years now. During the first year everything was great but after that there was alot of pain and hurt involve.We're in a long distance relationship and i got to see him only twice. It all started wit me lying to him bout my past because i was afraid he would leave me when i was so in love with him but i told him bout it and he accepted me but there was still things i didnt tell him which i thght wasnt imp. Then it was the first meeting he came to meet me. Everything went great in the begining but after sometime he started noticing tat i was looking at guys. He cried begged me to stop but i couldnt because it was so diff to stop. Then he went back home and it was online again. I begged him not to leave me and told him I would change and he didnt leave me. But then i cybered wit someone because i thought he was seeing someone else there(I know i shouldnt but i din knw it was wrong).I told him and he forgive me. Then he came to meet me again and everything was perfect this time.We were so much in love and we got married.He applied for job here and he got it but he had to go back to get his visa. Thats when everything started falling apart. He went back gone to the police station to get a police clearance cert and thats when they caught him for something he never did. He was in lock up, beaten for ten days and they took his passport. Then he was bailed out and we met online again. He started a new job and we hardly see each other now. Im not sure if i still love him anymore. The truth is im not even sure of my own feelings because i knw hes not in love wit me like he used to be. Maybe everythin will be ok once v meet but that is not going to happen anytime soon. I really duno wat to do anymore. How do I find out what I really want and how do I knw if i still love him and want him in my life? Has anyone felt like this? Can anyone help me?Any advice would be great.

[nowheretorun]

Hi rena

I don't know if it will help, but I'll throw two cents into the wishing well for you I think one way to discover how you feel in a short process is to imagine your life without him. How does that make you feel?

If you still feel mixed in your feelings, then that would mean you do have feeling for him. Try to quantify how much feeling is for, and how much is against. Which weighs more in your heart?

Remove all emotion from your thoughts of him as best you can. Is he the kind of guy you want to be with? Does he meet your levels of qualities you most want in a mate?

Probably no one will be a perfect match, but does he have enough raw material that at least the foundation can be set? Some people may notice the negative, while others notice the positive of others. Which do you see most of?

Write your answers down and compare them. How many are pluses (what you are looking for) and how many are not (what you don't want)? It's critical that you be honest in answering as possible. If the pluses outwiegh the non-pluses, you might have enough positive feeling to pursue him further.

Keep in mind that what you want, and what he want's might not be the same. No amount of desire from you can make him want you just as much. He must choose to feel as you and if his words say he does, but his actions say otherwise, believe the actions.

Keep in your mind that you want the best and you deserve the best. Define what best is to you. It may be several different things and different than what others might choose. Be sure to include as a criiteria a person who places a high importance on you as well as the relationship. People disagree between each other for many reasons, and if the commitment to stay together is not the strongest feeling between you, a bad day, week, or month is enough to destroy such a fragile emotion as love. Love is highly unstable and subject to the whims of the moment. Commitment is what binds two people together through big and small. Without it, a relationship is a ship at sea without a rudder. Hope this helps in some way.

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but rising every time we fall." Confucius