[jbug]

I signed on with a singles dating site to hopefully jump start my lack of dates. I know I have a lot to offer someone I'm just not meeting anyone and don't really want to do the whole bar scene. So thought I would do an internet dating site. I got a hit from a man that seems somewhat put together. He doesn't live to far from here and so I sent him a message. I do have a picture of me up so they are aware that I do have extra poundage on me. I am working on getting rid of it though. If he asked me about it I will be straight up honest with him about it. I'm not really ashamed of how I got to where I am now. I am learning to love myself looking at what I look like now. I mean sheesh I used to weigh 442lbs and now I weigh 239.4. I think that is an accomplishment. Yes I still have a ways to go but I have lost a person and a half. I need to enjoy that and not play it down. If it ever came time for him to see me naked I would have to explain the big ole scar that runs down my belly so might as well be open as to why I don't eat hardly anything. I am not ashamed I had the surgery because it saved my life.

But what to do if and when the guy wants to meet me for the first time? I know to meet him in a bright lit place and meet him there don't let him know where I live right away. But other than that what do I do? I haven't really been on a date so to speak just hanging out with Rex and I don't consider that a date.

Jan

[Zen888]

Make your intentions about what you are looking for in a man. Do you want to just date, do you want a relationship, or something more? Make your boundaries known to the men you are communicating with. Many men on online dating sites at first seem very nice, intelligent, and charming. But, there is a high percentage of men that do want only a strings free relationship (intimate ecounters only). Some also engage in sexual conversations early on when talking to them via IM, telephone, or e-mail. Do post current photos of yourself that show your whole body and not just your face (make sure the photos are clear and not blurry). And do read the men's profiles carefully before you send a message to them or whatever the method of communicating is on the site you are on.

When you have spoken to the men for a while not just a couple of days and decide that you are comfortable meeting the man choose a neutral location. And drive yourself to the location and don't accept a ride from him no matter what. Depending on what you are looking for in a man be cautious if he only talks about sexual matters or makes the first date out to be a financial arrangement. If you are going for a coffee or drink on the first date and he is interested in you it shouldn't be a financial hardship for the man to treat you to a coffee or a drink. If you have to pay then this is a warning sign. For the first date keep the topics of conversation neutral and ask questions to get to know him better. See if what he has been telling you are truthful. And also tell a friend that you are meeting someone from online for a date so you have someone to talk to, to depcompress what occured on the date to see if there truly was a connection or not. And let the man follow up with a call, e-mail, or IM to show interest in you for another date. If he doesn't keep up the frequency of communication you are use to while you were communicating online before you met in person, he is either busy or isn't interested in you.

Sorry to sound harsh and cynical I just want you to be safe and be warned.

[Timgt5]

That is great advice and I wholeheartedly agree that caution is in order. Too many women have been harmed by internet dating. You never know who is on the otherside of the connection.

I wish you the best of luck and hope you have found someone who will treat you with the great respect and consideration you richly deserve.

the only thing i'd add is make sure you know what their intentions are. i'd just ask what they are honestly looking for. it'll save you lots of time and heartache in the long run to know up front. and just know they are probably dating other people at the same time so don't get too attached to any one person too quickly since it may not be exclusive. most of all have fun!

[Peppermint_Patty]

Hi Jbug,

Another thing is keep your mobile phone with you at all times!!

Also if you have a land line, NEVER give out that number until you know the person really, really well.

I say this because there are telephone directories where one can type in a person's phone number and it will reveal that person's residential address.

Cell phone numbers cannot be traced to addresses as of yet, but that may change at some point.

Also... one thing I've always found useful is to closely observe how the guy treats the waiter or waitress if something is not right with the food order.

Is he impatient, demanding, rude/crude or hostile with them?

If he behaves that way towards them, then that is how he will treat you at some point, so beware!

Anyway... good luck and let us know how everything goes.

[jbug]

Thanks guys. That is all things I hadn't thought of.

So far I only have one guy that has emailed me through the site. I have gotten some flirts but only one email. You have to pay to email unless the other person is a featured member and the person that emailed me is a featured member so for now I will just email him through the site. The main reason for that is my email address has my last name in it and I don't feel comfortable giving him that information.

This guy seems nice enough..he has kids and has been divorced which I don't have a problem with. I will give it time and see where it goes.

Jan

[amy83]

Hello
I met the man i am dating through an online dating site. There was few duds before i met him... If you use match.com they have some thing with phone numbers so that you dont have to give the person your real number but they can still call you. Also i signed up for an extra yahoo mail account that didn't use my real name i used my screen name that i had on the dating site. That way you can keep that confidential too.
If you can stop by your library and search for the book "love in 90 days" by Diana Kirschner. It has alot about how to work online dating and how to feel about yourself to truly find the right guy.
Good Luck and don't get discouraged. You will probably meet some men that just dont work out... But have faith the right one could be there.