i'm not sure how to deal with this...

My mother-in-law can be a relatively sweet lady. BUT somewhere along the line, she feels that she is a better authority on what my children need than I am.

I can't help feeling like I always have a POS (parent over shoulder) on my back. When she's around, i'm on pins and needles wondering what kind of suggestion (i.e. flaw that she has seen and wants to change) that she will make. Whether it be that my kids are not wearing socks when she feels that they need them or when she felt that my youngest needed shoes when he was 9 mos. old., nothing is sacred. She will say it. And if I say no... then she'll go to my husband or nag me endlessly until I give in.

I think in the back of her mind, she thinks she is helping. However, I am left to feel over-compromised and emotionally drained when she leaves. I'm literally on pins and needles around her. Like I have to walk on egg shells. To my DH's mom, everything MUST appear perfect on the outside. Even if it is falling apart on the inside.

Last week she crossed another boundary and I *almost* shouted at her. I actually had to leave the room. I was hyperventilating I was so mad. Thankfully, my husband stood up for me/us.

The thing is, she's used to coming over once a week to *help* with the kids. I get way more face time with her than my DH does.

She has already called me today to ask when we will get together this week. Thankfully, I wasn't home and she left a voicemail.

The thing is, I need a break from her. She doesn't seem to understand boundaries and I don't know how to set boundaries nicely without hurting her feelings. Our relationship is very delicate.

I try always to respect her and not to cross boundaries. I have always said that I would not interfere with her relationship with my children or my husband. But how can I keep her from interfering?

TIA for any advice or to anyone who can relate.

How would you feel about showing her this ? Exactly as you have wrote it ? Its polite kindly respectful.....