Questions again

So it happened again. I got upset bc my bf still doesn't want sex. I don't get it I really dont know what to do.

Last night we went to bed together and we we're laying together and started kissing him and he went with it he kissed me back little bit of tongue and everything. He did get hard too. Cuz I felt it then I touched it, But anyway he ends up saying okay lets just get it over with!!!
I didn't want to do that. That just makes me feel like ****. So I got mad and stomped out of the room. I came back and I said what is wrong what is the problem now. I've tried so hard not to push it on you and to not be clingy. And you we're turned on so what is the problem. He says I wasn't turned on just bc its hard doesn't mean I'm turned on..... He says maybe he needs mental viagara cuz he can't get in the mood... I just don't know what to do. I want to beg him to go off suboxone. But I feel like he will probably relapse if he does. Does anyone know how to deal with this??? Relationship wise or getting off the meds alltogether????

I wouldn't ask him to go off the meds because this might make him so much worse. Have you asked him to go back to the Dr. and see if they can right him out a script for this? A lot of people have had to do that.

No and he can't go to the doctor it's too expensive he has no insurance and basically makes enough money to pay for his house and his bills.... It seems like mostly a mental thing so i dont know what to do and he says he doesnt understand it either.....
And from just talking to him I think last night has kind of put him in a funk about us again because now he is saying he thinks he's gonna stay home saturday he doesnt feel like doing anything and it depends on the mood he is in......

So now we have thrown a whole new thing into our issues. He's finally telling me he's depressed, that he doesn't feel like caring about anything. And that he's not sure if this is a good time for him to be in a relationship. but he says he doesnt want to hurt me he's just telling me how he feels. i told him i cant take us breaking up and that i will support him. I asked if im being selfish by wanting to keep him, and he's says it not selfish to want what i want..... I just really hope we can make it through this. Because when i think about it being over my heart just breaks and i'm crying while i'm writing this. I need help i need to know how to help him....

He needs to see a doc or a psychologist and let them know how he's feeling and what's going on. Try your local mental health clinic. It will take several weeks to a couple months to get an appointment but they usually charge on a sliding scale and will give free meds if he can't afford it.

Also I would suggest trying to take care of yourself and not concentrate so much on fixing him. He needs to want to fix himself, if he doesn't that's not your problem, it's his. You can't help someone who doesn't want help.

Amy~

I've read all of your threads, (and to the best of my ability..remembered what I could...I'm sorta 'short term memory challenged'...lol).

I have to agree with Pom on this one.
There is absolutely no way that you can help someone who doesn't want it for themselves. Therefore, you are in a position where you have to rechannel your focus back onto yourself for now, which can be a very constructive thing. Such as seeking new ways for you to help him.

By redirecting your attention from him back onto you, (even if it means your attention is about him), it is still off of him, thus relieving any possible pressure that he may be experiencing. Not to mention that it will also provide you a better sense of constructive contribution to your situation. You will feel better for obtaining (even the least bit of) progress and he will feel less pressured, which will eventually offer him a sense of comfort...allowing him to relax a lil more.

Perhaps, what you can do with your redirected focus is to seek for him resources to which he can possibly obtain free medical care, as well as anything else that you can do for him.
Of course, discuss with him your intentions before hand and explain to him what your intentions entail.
Let him know that you are attempting a new strategy with hopes that good will come from it. Remember, that although this new strategy of yours is a diversion of your attention off of him, is actually a new tactic which is still primarily focused on him...but, just done with diplomacy.
(Sometimes, the best way to be in control of a situation is to create the illusion that we are not in control at all).

Also, allow him the opportunity to convey his opinion about your intentions. Communication is always the key. Ask him if there is anything he can think of that you can encompass in your strategy.
Anytime you offer the person their inclusion of opinion, (informing them that their's is equally important), then they are much more likely to be receptive of the new idea. They receive it as they, too, are included in making this new idea a reality, therefore will be far more open to the idea...even if they do not take part in making it happen, they are still included, nonetheless.

It may be a helpful part of your strategy, too, to offer him an alterior to the present. What I mean by that is, because of the fact that he is presently on the med, Suboxone and it seems to be a cause of some issues, perhaps if you were to do some research on the drug itself, print out your findings. Then research an alterior for that drug, print out those findings. And then, offer him the two results.
But try to time this in the overall scheme of your strategy...including any discoveries for free medical care, which should include any related information, (location, financial inclusions, doctors available, etc), include that with your printed results.
You can even offer to pick up the required forms for him to apply for free medical care, and schedule any appointments for him. And even offer your hand to hold, (if needed) to get him to go to these appointments.

Sometimes, when we actually have a visual for comparison it provides us the ability to see things in a different light. Especially considering that he may be suffering from depression.

I have to include, too, that I do not think that you are being selfish for not wanting to abandon him. It would seem to me that that would be just the contrary, depending on the situation and those involved, of course. But in your case, selfish would be the last thing that I would even think you are.
You love the man and are willing to support him to the best of your abilities. But remember, too, that because of the direction this matter is heading, you have reached a point where a new strategy must be applied.
But remember, too, ANY support you offer him is basically useless if he is unwilling.

If his libido is naturally low, there are ways of working that out. However, it sounds to me that there are other issues which take presedence over that at this time.
You may have stated the reason for this in previous posts, but may I ask, why was he taking the pain killers to begin with? Was it an acquired drug addiction without medical cause? He was prescribed Suboxone to remove his craving for the pain killers..that I understand, however....I'm wondering his reasons why he was on the pain killers to begin with. That right there may be a good starting point of his therapy, (once you find him the resource to obtain it).

I understand how frustrating this is for you, and for that I am so sorry.
The best you can do at this time though, is to reconstruct your strategy.
Even though you can lead this horse to water, fact is you simply cannot force him to drink. Therefore, you must find ways to make him more thirsty. And I think by attending to his medical issues foremost is the 'water in the well', so to speak.

I hope this has been helpful to you. If you needta talk more, feel free to pm me anytime. Be happy to offer what I can.

Take care. Keep us informed of your progress.

Shangrala

Thank you for all you have to say. You make me feel much more supported. I talked to him today but just for a minute we aren't breaking up. I emailed him and told him I'm worried about him and that I'm here for him anyway that he needs me to be and that now that I know what is going on I won't push our issues and I can more easily undertand what is going on. I told him he can talk to me about anything and I will stay even if it gets hard. So now it's just time to wait and see what happens.